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Luna,
I love you. I never should have left for California. Without you, none of this means anything. How can I tell you this, though, when I don't even know where you are? I want to cross every state and city until I find you and beg for you back. Would you take me back? My heart aches every fucking day that I don't get to see you. That I don't get to hold you. Our love story can't be over, right?
Tell me our love story isn't over yet.
Roman
I sob, my fingers turning white around the notebook as I read his words. I see the pain in the way he scribbled the letters, a little harshly, the letters smeared across the page.
My eyes swallow every word, every syllable that's written on the pages. My fingers brush the pen marks, wishing they would pull away with ink. Wishing his words were fresh, that he would still be here with me. Only he's not, and the paper is dry, crackly, and stiff. There is nothing fresh about his words.
They are long gone.
My fingers move slower as I get to the back of the book, and my tears roll faster as I get to the last page. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath as I read the last letter he ever wrote.
Luna,
There are so many things I wish I could say to you. Wherever you are right now, I hope you're okay. I hope you're exploring the world, finding whatever it is you're looking for. Find it, Luna, and then come back to me.
I'll wait for you. I wait, watching the clock tick by, hoping for a glimpse of you in the crowds as I sing my music. Hoping I'll see your dark hair swaying to the beat of the music. Wishing it would be your pale fingers lifted in the air as I sing my broken-hearted songs to the world.
The moment I find you, Luna, I'm never letting you go.
I'm going to look into your gray eyes for the rest of my life. We're going to watch the stars every night, counting and naming each constellation. We're going to watch the moon glow, lighting up the night as we sink into the darkness together.
I'm going to wrap your feet in the ribbon of your slippers, perfecting them just as you taught me to all those years ago. I'm going to watch you dance. I'm going to watch you conquer the stage, making every eye in the crowd shed so many tears they'll sweep us away. I'm going to watch you twirl and leap into the air. Fuck, Luna, you get so tall on stage. The beauty in your dance is exquisite. Like nothing I've ever seen before. I dream of you dancing. Every single night, it's you, with your pointed feet, and your beautiful spine as you make the most delicate moves I've ever seen.
I'll keep dreaming about you, until it's time for us to meet again. Because I know, Luna, that we will meet again.
Until then, I hope you think of me. Think of me as you travel and know that I'm thinking of you. And when you're feeling lonely, go to where I always promised I'd bring you. Go to where the water crashes against the dark walls of the cliff. To the place where the sand sweeps you off your feet. Where the salty air brushes the hair from your shoulders. Meet me there, Luna, and I'll be there waiting.
Meet me where I always promised I'd take you.
Meet me where the mountains meet the sea.
Yours. Always yours. Now and always.
Roman Hall
The notebook crumbles and smashes against my chest as I sob into the papers. The grief, the loss that I feel in every inch of my body makes me feel like I'm being pulled apart piece by piece. There isn't a shred of anything good left in me. I feel in ruins. Wrecked. Completely obliterated.
My face meets the cool wood of the dock as I roll over, until I’m crunched in a ball on the faded wood, the light color darkening beneath my face from my tears. Reaching into my bra, I pull out Roman's pick, the one I gave him so many years ago. I clutch it in my palm, wanting it to grant me all the wishes in the world, but knowing it'll do none of them.
I cry and sob, my screams echoing across the lake, across the dark waters of the cool afternoon. I cry until my arms are freezing, and a hand lays upon my shoulder. I can barely see through the tears as I look up at the sky, seeing my dad’s sad face glancing down at me.
His face is one of pure torment, like my pain causes him pain. He bends down, picking me up off the deck. My hand snaps out, grabbing onto Roman's notebook and hitching it under my arm. I curl into my dad’s arms, so sad.So, so fucking sad.
"I miss him so much, Daddy," I sob.
He presses his cheek into my hair, his own tears hitting my forehead. "We all miss him, Luna, but I can't imagine for a second what you must be going through."
"It feels like I'm dying," I cry.
He squeezes me tighter to him, like he can pull the pain from my body if he wishes hard enough. "I'll be with you every step of the way."
I burrow my face into his chest, wishing he could take it all away. Just for a second. Each breath is pained. So much pain.
"Let's go say goodbye to him, okay?" he mumbles into my hair.
