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She nudges her head out of my hand, rolling off the bed. She stands, keeping her back toward me.
An instant chill breaks out over my body, and dread seeps into my vision, darkening everything around me. I nearly black out in fear. Fear of something being wrong. Fear of her no longer loving me. Fear over her having found someone else.
That one brings a bit of rage as well.
I grab onto her shoulders, turning her around so she's facing me. "Tell me. Whatever it is, just tell me. We'll figure it out."
Her eyes water, turning glassy just inches away from mine. A tear spills, and I'm too frozen, too panicked to wipe it away this time.
"What is it, Luna?" My voice is sharper this time, and I can't do anything besides grip her shoulders. I loosen them a bit when she winces, but I can't let go of her.
Doesn't she know? I will never let her go.
"You're too late, Roman." Her eyes avert to the ground, and tears fall on top of her bare toes. I can barely find the reflex to swallow as I take in her words.
My hand goes to my hair, running my fingers through the rough strands before bringing them down to my cheeks, scratching at the stubble there. "What do you mean, I'm too late?"
She looks up at me, her eyes bloodshot with regret. "I mean you're too late. I waited for you. I waited an entire year. And then longer. Imean, Roman, that you. Are. Too. Late."
I glance down at her bag on the floor, bulging at the seam and ready to go.
"So, what's your plan? Go to New York without me? I saw the bag, and I don't know, had this hope that you were planning to come on tour with me. Maybe you had a sense I was on my way." She says nothing. "That's not it? Then what could it be? You meet someone else?" She still says nothing. I give her a little shake, and she wobbles around like a bobble head. "Tell me, Luna!" My voice raises, rage and fear clutching my throat like a snake is wrapped around it, slowly suctioning every last bit of air, of life, from my lungs.
"I'm leaving."
"To where?" I grit through my teeth.
"I'm moving to Hawaii."
My eyes nearly bug out of my head. "Hawaii? What the fuck is in Hawaii? What about New York? Julliard? What about your ballet, Luna? I can tell you right now that there isn't some good fucking ballet school in Hawaii."
The next words that come out of her mouth rip my soul straight from my ribcage.
"I don't dance anymore."
My hands drop from her shoulders, and I take a step back. It feels like someone reached their bare hand into my chest and took my heart out with their sharp, five-inch nails, scraping along my walls and inflicting wounds every inch of the way. "W-what?"
I blink at her, and she says nothing as she continues to silently cry, her slim shoulders bobbing up and down from her sadness.
"What do you mean, you don't dance? That's your entire life!"
She whips her gaze up to mine, torture and tragedy in her gray eyes. They are empty, the life she grew up with zapped clean, drained, completely wiped dry of the girl she used to be. She might as well have blue eyes; she looks so different to me.
"Youwere my life! You left me, Roman. I wanted you to leave, to take a chance at your dream, but the moment you left, a part of me died. I haven't been able to dance, not in months. I don't evenwantto dance anymore. All I do is cry, and cry, and cry some fucking more. I begged and pleaded for you to come home on graduation night. When you didn't, I lost hope. Days, and days, and more days passed without you coming home, and eventually,I gave up."
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out besides a painful breath.
She doesn't dance anymore.
"I gave up, Roman. I gave up on you coming home. I gave up on us."
"Luna, I told you—"
She holds a hand up, stopping my reply with a slice through the air. "I waited for you, Roman. For months! No calls, no letters, nothing!" She takes a deep breath, lowering her voice, "When an opportunity came up, I felt life fill me for the first time since you left, and I realized I can't keep doing this. I'm done waiting, and I'm done allowing myself to bleed dry. I'm going to go live, for once. For me, and me alone."
"Luna." I step toward her, grabbing her in my arms and making her look me in the eyes. My thumbs press against her cheeks, keeping her gaze pinned to mine. I spear her gray eyes, begging for this to be a joke, a fucking dream. Begging for her to relieve me of the pain I’m currently feeling. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I made you wait. That's my fault, and I take total responsibility. But are you telling me you're going to give up everything that we have, our entire existence, because of this? So you can, what, flee to Hawaii?"
She scowls at me. "I'm not fleeing." She rips her arms from my hold and steps back. "It's time I learn how to be my own person, Roman."
