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“Sounds good. Woohoo! California tomorrow. You’re going to love it!” She screams through the phone.
“Goodbye.” I laugh and hang up the phone.
I rub my belly when I feel a kick. “You excited too, bean?” Next week I get to find out if it’s a boy or girl. I think it’s a girl, whereas Jackson is so certain that it’s a boy. We decided to not pick out names, because isn’t that what the adoption parents will do? I don’t want to get let down if I pick out a name and then they change it. But I can’t deny, I’ve already got a few names picked out. I haven’t told anyone, and I’m going to keep it that way.
I also narrowed it down to what set of parents I’m choosing for the adoption. I haven’t told Jackson about it, but Rose knows. I’m going to go with the professor and bakery owner, Mr. and Mrs. Simmons. I’ll be notifying the adoption agency when I get back from California. I’ve been stressing so much, and I’m hoping that I can just brush everything under the rug for the time being and actually enjoy a vacation for the first time in my life.
I imagine myself pressing my feet into the soft sand of the ocean and falling in love. I envision myself watching the endless blue water in front of me and not being able to tell where the water ends, and the sky begins. Maybe I’ll be lucky and never come home. I’ll never have to look The Grove in the face every again.
Fuck. I wish.
When in reality, I’ll end up coming home to this rust bucket and probably running circles with Jackson for the rest of my life.
It’s like we’re stuck in this circle of love-hate that I can’t escape from. But it’s not even love. Do I love him? No. I don’t.I loved Logan.With Jackson, it’s more of a passion filled hostility than anything else.
Could I eventually love him?
I don’t know.
Do I even want to?
I don’t know.
I just really don’t know.
14
Cara
The next morning, Iwake up earlier than acceptable. Not only do we have to be at the airport to take the earliest flight in the entire world, but nerves got the best of me and I ended up tossing and turning most of the night.
Now I’m sitting outside, suitcase in hand, waiting for Rose. My house is already locked up and I can’t stop the shaking in my knees and my palms are sweaty. I’m so excited but I’m also so nervous and it’s creating a swirling nausea to weigh down in the pit of my stomach.
A car horn honks, and I look up, seeing Rose driving my way with oversized sunglasses and a massive smile on her face. I wave at her, getting up to double check that my door is locked before walking towards her. Not that I have anything in my house worth stealing, but the last thing I want is to come home to it being ransacked.
“Sorry I’m late!” Rose shouts through the lowered window. She shifts into park and gets out of the car. “Let me lift that.” She yanks my suitcase out of my hands and sets it in her popped trunk.
“Thanks.”
“Let’s go! I think Easton will literallykill meif we miss our flight.”
We both hop in the car and Rose starts driving the twenty minutes towards the airport. “What are our plans for today?” I ask.
“Not much on the agenda for today. We’re going to get settled in the hotel and I thought maybe we could go to the beach? The boys are supposed to be working most of the day, but apparently there is a party with The Seven tomorrow, and we’re invited.”
“Hotel? I thought we were staying on the… compound, or whatever it’s called.” Thoughts of staying with a ton of hairy, greasy, biker dudes make shivers run down my spine. I’ve seen enough shows and heard enough stories to know that a lot of those guys are not good people.
Rose laughs. “I thought so, too. When I asked Easton about it, he got in such a fucking mood. Possessive prick. He said he can’t work and worry about me at the same time. Went and booked us a fucking hotel the same hour.”
I laugh. So different from the Easton I grew up with. “That boy is so in love.” A balloon of jealousy expands in my chest. I wish I had the type of love that Rose and Easton have. The kind that is bound forever. Never a dull moment in their lives. Their love is almost too painful to watch. I want it so badly that I feel like there is this uncontrollable chaos that’s going mad inside of me.
I want that forever loveso badly.
“So, what does the ocean look like?” I ask, my eyes glazing over in anticipation. I never would have thought in a million years that I’d be going on a plane to California. Honestly, I lived believing that I’d never go on a vacation—ever. I just assumed that I would never make it past the border of Minnesota or Wisconsin.
“What do you mean?” Rose asks as she nears the airport.
“I mean, what’s it really like? Looking at a picture or watching it on a TV can’t be anything close like seeing it in real life.”
