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I give Jackson a regretful look. I want him to be happy with me, but his blank face gives nothing away. I can’t tell whether he’s angry with me, or sad, or happy right now.
Laying back on the table, I lift my shirt to my bra. Dr. Bragburn tucks a towel beneath my shorts and squirts the warm jelly below my belly button. Pressing the doppler into my stomach, I instantly hear the static, followed by a fast heartbeat.
A smile breaks out on my face. There’s no way it can’t when I hear that heartbeat.
“There’s the heartbeat. Nice and strong.” She smiles as she presses some buttons on the computer. “Looks like the baby is turned away from us. Let’s see if we can take some other pictures and maybe it’ll turn by the end.” I watch as Dr. Bragburn takes different pictures. Listens to the waves and measures different parts of the body.
I glance over at Jackson and see him watching the computer with rapt attention, but otherwise gives nothing away.
“Okay. There we go, baby.” She smiles bright and gives us a look. “Do you want to know?”
“Yes.” I nod my head eagerly. Reaching my hand towards Jackson, he stares at it a moment before leaning forward and grabbing onto it.
“You, Cara, are having…a boy!” She takes another picture, but I can barely see the screen. My eyes have filled with tears and they spill over onto my cheeks in heavy drops. I feel a finger swipe against my cheek and look over at Jackson.
“We’re having a boy.” He murmurs in my ear.
“We’re having a boy.” I whisper.
He leans down, giving me a peck on the lips. The first one since the night in the car in California. He’s quick to move away and sit back down, but there’s no hiding the delight on his face that we’re having a boy.
“Congratulations, you two! Do you have any names picked out?” The doctor, ever oblivious, wipes the jelly off my stomach with the towel as some pictures print.
The vibe in the room goes from elated to stifling. The doctor notices this and gives me a confused look. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry, I thought you knew. I’m… um… I’m actually giving the baby up for adoption.”
Her eyes go wide before glancing away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. Is it in your chart?” She wheels her chair over to the computer and starts clicking around in my chart.
“I… I don’t know.” I sit up, suddenly uncomfortable on how cold the room has become. It’s all coming from Jackson’s side of the room.
“Okay, it says here you were still deciding. I’m sorry, you guys must have chosen adoption?”
Jackson clears his throat, looking down at his phone. His grip around the screen is so tight his fingers have turned white.
He is not happy.
“Yes, we have.” I fold my hands in my lap and look down at them in shame.
Why? Why shame? I shouldn’t be ashamed at all that I’m choosing adoption. I should be proud of myself for doing the right thing.
So why the fuck does it feel so wrong?
“We have?” The words roll out of Jackson lazily. His tone makes my shoulders tense up. Angry Jackson is scary. Unnaturally relaxed Jackson is absolutely terrifying.
“I picked them out before we left for California. I meet with them next week.” I whisper to him. Shit, I should have told him this earlier. I glance at the doctor and see her worried gaze bouncing between the two of us.
“Uh huh.” He runs his hand across his jaw.
He avoids my gaze and the doctors, and I know without a doubt that he’s fuming. Pissed as hell.
Raging.
The doctor clears her throat. “Okay, you’re one step ahead of me.” She rips off the baby pictures and hands them to me. “Please feel free to call me if you need anything, otherwise I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
I give her a nod and silently, we walk out of the clinic and into the truck. Easton’s truck roars to life and Jackson peels out of the parking lot and speeds home. The anger radiating off Jackson is nerve wrecking.
“Say something.” I plead, tears filling my eyes all over again.
