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Cara
"Knock, knock." My eyes drift from a sleeping Wesley, all dressed up in his first real outfit. It's a little dark blue outfit with gray dinosaurs on it. The side of the leg has little fabric dinosaur spikes on it, and I just about died when Rose brought it to me yesterday.
Glancing up, I see Rose standing in the doorway with a brand-new car seat. She's been working tirelessly, traveling to my house, to the store, back to the hospital, repeat. I couldn't do this without her, and I mean that literally. I don't have anyone else. Not like my mom would be much help. She probably doesn't even know I had the baby.
"Hi." I smile tiredly at her. I get to go home today, and the thought of it makes me so excited, but also incredibly nervous. Rose said she would be staying with me for a while. Since I had a cesarean, I'm going to need some serious help for the next few weeks. She offered to stay, I declined, then she insisted… yeah. It's Rose, she's almost always going to get what she wants. If she wants to stay and help with Wesley, I'm not going to push her away.
"Are you ready to head out? I passed the nurse on the way to your room. She said she's preparing the discharge paperwork now." She walks in and sets the car seat on the ground, sitting on the corner of the bed next to me. "Are you okay? You look tired."
I yawn as I rub my eyes. "I am tired. Couldn't sleep last night." The thought of not being around nurses if something were to happen is giving me anxiety. What if something happens? What if I can't get him to stop crying? What if I do something wrong? What if I can't do this at all?
"Ugh, me neither." I glance over at Rose and inspect the deep bags underneath her eyes.
"What about you? You look tired. Am I asking too much of you? Please just tell me." I sigh.
Rose shakes her head. "No. You haven't asked anything of me. I'm offering. And it's not you. Well, it's everything, really. With you in the hospital, Jackson in the hospital, Easton just about everywhere…" She sighs. "It's chaotic. I can't wait till we get you home. Maybe I can take a day and not drive anywhere." She laughs.
"Where has Easton been? I haven't seen him." I think he stopped by maybe once in the beginning, when I was still doped up on pain meds. I haven't seen him since.
She rolls her eyes. "He's working, a lot. Or he's visiting Jackson. We drive here together, then go our separate ways. Meet up and leave together… it's just a cycle. Once again, work has got him keeping something from me. I don't know." She runs her hand down her face. "I think I'm just overtired. And sick of smelling hospital. Seriously, where's the nurse at?" She looks over at the empty doorway, and my heart cracks at her words.
"Rose, maybe you should go take the day off. I'll… complain of something hurting. Maybe they'll let me stay another day or something. Go spend the day with Easton."
"Can't. He's training today." She says sadly.
I bite my lip. I want to chew Easton out. I could bet a million dollars he doesn't even know Rose is feeling so out of sorts. If he did, he would never allow her to feel this way.
"Okay, I'm ready to sign you out, Cara. I don't know if I'm going to let this cute baby get out of here, though." Says my most favorite nurse since coming here, Lisa. A plump woman who has about six children and double the grandchildren.
I smile at her. "You could try."
"Haha." She laughs sarcastically at me as she wheels over a chair and sits down next to us. She goes over the discharge information for both me and Wesley. Signs to look for and numbers to call if we need anything. She already set us up on follow-up appointments, so I sign the last page and then it's time to go.
"You take care, sweetie. Feel free to bring this cutie by any time." She runs her hand over Wesley's head before leaving.
"Okay." I lift Wesley out of his temporary crib that he's been sleeping in since he was born and slide him in awkwardly into his car seat. I've never done this before, and although it seems easy, figuring out the handful of straps and how they fit together seem impossible.
"Okay, what the fuck is this?" I sit back and scowl at Rose. "You got the most complicated one at the store I'm assuming."
Rose laughs. "No, I didn't. Let me look." She squats down beside me and starts looping some straps through others, clicking them in. Then she pulls the strap at the bottom to tighten it up and sits back. "It was easy."
I sneer at her.
"What! It was!" She laughs and stands up, picking up the car seat with her.
"Whatever." I walk towards the door when my heart gets heavy. Something has been playing on my mind all day, and I can't ignore it anymore.
Jackson.
"Rose?" I freeze, turning around and looking at her over my shoulder. "Would you mind waiting here for a minute? I just want to go…" I nod my head, and an understanding look washes over her face. "I'll only be a few minutes."
"Of course." She sets the car seat on the bed and sits next to it. "I'll be right here."
I give her a grateful smile and take off, trying to remember the way I went the last time I visited Jackson. I've been holding off seeing him, even though everyday there's been a pull in me to walk down here. I don't know why, last time I saw him he treated me like such a piece of shit I shouldn't think about him ever again.
But what do I do? He's the guy I'm apparently in love with and considering he's also the father of my newborn, it seems my heart doesn't want to leave him.
I take the elevator down, grateful for the break. I've only been walking a little bit here and there since I had Wesley, and the incision where I had surgery hurts like a bitch every time I move.
