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"I think he will love it and think it's the perfect choice." Even though her words sound certain, the flicker of doubt in her gaze doesn't go unnoticed.
The door starts to shut, and the nurse snaps out of her gaze and reaches forward to stop it from closing on us.
Quietly, we push forward through the hallway filled with carts and nurses bustling back and forth. The ever-present squeak of shoes on the floor and occasional beep from monitors in nearby rooms are the only noises I'm choosing to focus on. Anything else and I'm afraid I'll start panicking again.
I'm worried for what will be beyond that door where Jackson lay. I'm afraid he'll shut me out. Will he be able to recognize his son? The moment I caught the dark hair, that feeling in my gut that I've had since the beginning rang true. This baby is Jackson's. It has to be.
Will Jackson finally believe it to be true, too?
See, when Logan passed away, Jackson and I ended up sleeping together, like, at Logan’s funeral. It was a mistake, something we did in the midst of our grief. But when once turned into twice, then three times… it wasn’t much of a mistake anymore.
I always knew the baby was Jackson’s, but when he asked about it, he put a niggling doubt in the back of my head. When you know, you know. But sleeping with someone so close to sleeping with someone else can always raise a hair of fear, even if its only a little bit.
"Here we are. Room 201." The nurse chimes behind me.
The door is cracked open and the lights are off inside of the room, at least from what I can see. Rose walks up to the door and knocks softly. "Knock, knock. Jackson, it's me, Rose. I have some visitors." She pushes the door open slowly and inside is a curtain covering his room. She starts walking forward and pulls it aside, Wesley in the cart right beside her. "Look who came to see you."
The nurse pushes me forward, and Jackson comes into view. I swallow down my gasp and sob at what I see. Jackson, barely conscious, hooked up to about as many wires and machines I think a person can be hooked up to. His bed is slightly elevated, and his body lay limp on the bed.
He follows me with his eyes, but the rest of him doesn't move a muscle.
"I'm just going to let you visit a little bit. I'll be back shortly to check on you." The nurse pats my shoulder again and walks out, shutting the curtain behind us.
"Hi." I squeak.
His eyes bore into me. A mixture of agony, anger, relief, and sadness play like a record on repeat in his gaze. The noises from the hallway are muted and the only thing that I can hear is my nervous breathing.
“How are you?” I ask when he doesn’t say anything.
“What have the doctors said today?” Rose asks from the side of the room. His eyes shoot over to his and then flit back over to me.
He ignores her, too.
I’m also noticing that he isn’t even passing a glance at his child.
“The baby is doing well.” I’m hoping that if I give him enough good news, maybe he’ll speak up. Say something. Anything. To me, at least.
“Rose says that he’s a good baby. Doesn’t fuss much besides when he’s hungry.” I look down at Wesley and a smile automatically comes to my face. When I look back at Jackson, he’s still staring at me. His eyes haven’t once strayed from my face.
He swallows, and I watch as his throat works. Like he’s holding back from speaking the words he so badly wants to say. Can he not speak, either?
Or has he chosen to once again live in the silence?
“Do you know when you’re getting out of here? I haven’t talked to the doctor, but I’m hoping I can get out of here within the next couple days.” It feels awkward, talking to nothing. It’s why I barely talked to Jackson throughout the years. I won’t give up on him though this time.
I can’t.
“I got a name for him.” My voice pleads this time. “Wesley Logan.”
His nostrils flare and his eyes grow a fire. It makes my heart speed up.
Finally. Something.
“Good thing you’re giving the baby up. No use in having a kid when I can’t even fuckin’ walk.” His voice rasps for the first time. His voice sounds so unused and worked over. Tired. He sounds utterly tired.
And his words are like a dart right into my heart.
“Um, actually… that’s the thing. Colton and Amanda stopped in, and I told them I was going to keep the baby.
