Page 11 of Chaotic Anger


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“It’ll be fine. Just another night. It’ll be over before you know it and then you can spend the entire day with Lilah tomorrow.” I smile at her as I walk over to the over to my dress that lay on top of my bed. It’s a black sheath dress that forms to every dip and curve of my body. The front dips low, creating a slim v that ends right above my belly button. The mesh overlay covers it, giving me a little comfort even when I know it’s still revealing. The mesh goes all the way up to my neck, and the bottom has a slit up the side that ends about mid-thigh. With Paired with a pair of black heels, I feel like I should be twenty-nine instead of nineteen.

Ms. Maria is who would usually get me ready for the night, but she’s feeding Lilah dinner, so Elana gets the honor of perfecting my look for the evening. It I don’t hurry, I might be late, so I slip the robe off my shoulders and into the dress. I slip the sleeveless dress over my shoulders and give my back to Elana. “Would you zip me?”

Elana smiles as she walks up to me, pulling the top of the dress together and zipping me closed with the other hand. I suck in as I get suctioned between this claustrophobic piece of fabric.

“Last but not least.” My stomach sinks as she presents my choker necklace. The piece of jewelry that serves as a collar more than anything else. The signature piece that names me as his. I am Jefe’s and no one else’s.

I am his submissive.

The necklace is a gold chain on front and a thick, black leather on the back. A dainty ring hangs on the end, front, and center. Below that ring, engraved in the gold is Santiago’s initials.

SF.

Santiago Fernandez.

The drug lord of Mexico.

El Jefe.

I feel like my breath is choked out of me as Elana clasps the collar around my neck. The finalclickmakes me inhale a quick breath. I don’t know why, but this night makes me feel particularly uneasy. Every night Santiago has a party makes me feel uneasy, but this night more so than others.

“You ready?” Elana’s soft voice behind me snaps me from my thoughts. She puts her hands on my shoulders, her fingers digging into my shoulders as she looks at me in the mirror from behind. Nerves break out in the form of shivers, and I feel utterly sad.

My day with Lilah was amazing. A day surrounded by the smell of flowers, the sun warming our skin and the sight of my daughter made my day perfect. Ending it with Santiago soils the entire day and makes it feel tainted.

“Ivy? Are you ready? You’re about to be late.”

“No, I’m not ready, but I have no choice. Let’s go.”

We walk outside, arms linked at our elbows. I’m thankful for Elena. I wouldn’t have nearly as much strength if I didn’t have Elena at my side.

We stop at the front door and she wraps me in a hug. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.” And with that, she turns and walks around the house to one of the back entrances. She can’t be seen going into this high-profile party like this in her housekeeper uniform. Santiago would never allow it. She must go in through the back, where she can remain invisible with the rest of the staff.

I wish Santiago found me invisible.

I’m sure Ms. Maria has given Lilah her nighttime bath and they are on their side of the mansion for the rest of the night. I wish I could have tucked her in. I wish I could’ve given her a bath. I wish so many things.

I promise myself that someday I will be able to do those things. I don’t care what I have to do, but someday I’ll be with her again. When I want and as much as I want.

“Ms. Ivy. El Jefe is waiting for you over by the bar.” One of the butlers says as I walk up the steps. I nod at him and continue walking in through the house. I’ve learned this mansion like the back of my hand.

I keep my gaze straight ahead, looking at no one. Making eye contact with no one. I can see the people I’ve met before out of the corner of my eye, and I can sense those I’ve never seen in my life. Those gazes linger longer, curiosity and lust exuding off of them as their eyes stick to me a beat too long. People bustle around the room in excitement of what’s yet to come. Waiters and waitresses rush around the room, albeit smoothly and flawlessly, with hors d’oeuvres and others walk around with platters filled with flutes of the most expensive champagne.

I notice Santiago out of the corner of my eye and halt in my steps. I almost trip, not noticeable to anyone but myself. I can tell when Santiago senses me, because his spine snaps straight and he turns his body towards me. I paste a blank look on my face and walk up to him, stopping in front of him and lacing my hands behind my back.

In the bedroom, I’m not allowed to make contact. In public, when I’m with Santiago and in a submissive state, I’m not allowed to make eye contact—unless—I am directly spoken to. In that instance, I am toalwaysmaintain eye contact. As a submissive, I am rarely spoken to directly. But every once in a while, I am. It’s difficult to stare at someone in the eyes when you know they are a monster. When you know they are here to buy some underage girl to hold as a pet. The unthinkable acts they will do to them and the abuse they will inflict on them. It makes me want to spit in their face. Instead, I give them my full attention even when my body begs me not to.

“Ivy, you look stunning.” Santiago’s scotch filled breath swirls through my senses. I glance up and make eye contact with him.

“Thank you, Sir.”

He eyes trace my face, inspecting the work and searching for any imperfections that may be embarrass him. When he sees none, he smiles a sinister smile and says, “Tonight is important. The auction will be held after dinner, but after that there are a few people who have been looking forward to meeting you. I except the upmost respect and best behavior out of you.”

“Of course, Sir.”

“Let’s get seated for dinner.” Santiago places his hand half on my ass and half on my lower back. The urge to flinch flows through my veins and a shiver nearly racks my body. I keep it at bay, staring straight ahead with a neutral look on my face. Santiago pulls my chair out and pushes it in once I’m seated. I keep my face void of all emotions, trained perfectly to act as his submissive pet. It took a while. I wanted to object and flee many times throughout the years, but I’ve become a master at being submissive. As sad and sick as it is, it’s true.

We go through our four-course meal. Santiago speaks with people that are sitting nearby, laughing, and acting as big and in control as he can possibly get. The women want him, and the men want to be him. He is respected to the highest degree, and no one dare cross him or disagree with him in any form.

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