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I look down at my wrist, seeing his shaking hand gripping me with as much force as he has. I don’t know what he’s been through, but my heart cracks at the fear in his voice.
“I’m going to go let the guys know you’re up. We’ll be back later to check on your guys.” Lynx says, walking out after giving Aziel a pat on the shoulder.
He closes the door behind him, which has been propped open since Aziel arrived. It feels weird now, the room feels smaller. The white walls collapse and it’s just Aziel and I.
“I don’t want to say it again, Ivy. I don’t have the energy.” He grumbles.
I toe off my shoes, slipping underneath the covers and hovering under the edge of the bed. This will probably be frowned upon by the nurses and doctors. Aziel is hooked up to more cords than I can count. His leg is propped up in a sling, elevated above the bed.
He grabs onto my hip and pulls me closer with as much strength as he can muster. “I’m not going to fucking break.”
I sniffle. “It kind of seems like you will. You scared me. I thought I’d lost you.”
“I think I scared myself.” He whispers.
“Will you tell me what happened?” I tentatively rest my head against his shoulder. This is the closest I’ve been to him in so long, and I don’t ever want to leave. My body hums from our closeness. My soul quits weeping.
He came back to me.
He shakes his head. “Too much. I swear I almost died. Multiple times.”
A tear leaks out, dropping on his hospital nightgown. “You kind of did.”
He chuckles. “Yeah?”
I frown. “Not funny. How I found you, on the porch. Barely alive. You barely made it many times. On the way to the hospital, during surgery… it wasn’t good. And it’s not funny. I was terrified every day that it would be the last time I saw your face. And then I would’ve never had the chance to tell you…” My chest shakes as I bury my face in his next, inhaling his warmth and everything that is Aziel. I’ll never get enough of him. Never.
“What?” He asks, moving back so he can look down at me. His eyes are slightly more alert. Concern travels through his gaze.
I grip his gown, not sure if I should even speak the words right now, but as they bang at my chest in a fight to break free, I know I don’t have the strength to keep them hidden from him.
“Tell me what, Ivy?” He asks again, his voice hedging on irritation.
I take a deep breath and swallow down the basketball sized lump in my throat. “To tell you that… that I love you. I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for you. I don’t think I’d ever know real love if it wasn’t for you. You’ve changed me, you’ve protected me, and you’ve given me back a part of myself that I’d lost forever. I love you, Aziel.” My stomach flops, but a part of me also feels relieved that I’ve gotten it off my chest. I’ve been feeling torn inside since Halloween, wanting to tell him the words but feeling like I’d never have the chance.
Then when I lost him, I thought I’d never get the chance.
Now that he’s back, I feel like I need to say them. I don’t care if he doesn’t feel them back. I don’t care if I’m bombarding him. If I never get the chance again, at least I let him know.
I burrow down into him, closing my eyes and hoping to fall asleep.
My hair gets pulled, and my head tilts backwards. My eyes open, and I look into the crystal eyes of Aziel. “You tell me you love me then try to go to sleep? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
My eyes pop wide. “I-I just didn’t want to expect anything out of you.”
He frowns. “So, you don’t care if I tell you I love you or not?”
My eyes go wide. “Of course, I care if you say it, but I don’t want to force you. You’ve been through so much, I just wanted to tell you how I felt.”
He closes his eyes. “You’re pissing me off right now.”
“Why!” I cry out, hysteria gripping me. I’ve only had him back for minutes and he’s already angry with me.
His eyelids pop open, his eyes filled with irritation and hurt. “Because you should fucking care enough to ask for it! Don’t say something like that to me and lay your head down to fucking take a nap! I didn’t hop over the border and almost die for you to brush me off like that. Fucking demand it, Ivy!” He seethes, his voice going hoarse and almost going silent all together.
Tears stream down my face, and my heart rips wide open as I beg him, “Please, Aziel, tell me you love me.”
He brings both hands up to my cheeks, gripping me to the point of pain. “I walked miles, carrying a head, without food or water or shelter. Do you know why I did this?”
