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Lilah shivers from the tub, and I look underneath the sink and surprisingly find a pile neatly stacked dark gray towels.Okay, weird.Clearly, there’s a woman in this place. I can’t imagine a man like Aziel folding and putting towels away this nicely.
I swipe two towels, wrapping Lilah up like a mummy and then one around myself. Staring at the clothes on the floor, I frown when I think of sliding back into them. They stink like bad memories.
Bending over, I pick them up off the ground and set them in the trash bin beside the toilet.
“Let’s go to sleep, Lilah.” I pick her mummy body up and walk back into the bedroom. Setting her on the bed, that’s covered with a plaid black and gray comforter set. I go over to the tall, old wooden dresser that has a stack of snap-back hats, an ashtray, and an old Harley Davidson magazine sitting on top of it.At least it’s not a porn magazine.
I pull open the top drawer and find a pair of girl’s panties amongst some boxers. Scowling at them, I close that drawer a little harder than necessary and pull open the drawer below it. Finding exactly what I’m looking for, I pull out two shirts, close the door, and walk back over to Lilah.
“Here, give me the towel.” She’s wrapped up so tight all she does is wiggle like a caterpillar before falling on her back. We giggle as I unwrap her and slip on Aziel’s t-shirt. It’s long. So long it falls well below her feet. “That’ll just have to do for the night. We’ll find you something better tomorrow.”
She crawls underneath the comforter and settles in with a big smile on her face. I’m thinking she’s just as excited to snuggle tonight as I am. I pick up her towel off the floor and walk back to the bathroom, unhooking my towel and pulling on my own shirt. The soft, faded fabric falls to my knees. Lifting up the collar, I take an embarrassing sniff and nearly weep and how good it smells. Clean laundry, but the smoke hasn’t left completely. It still smells like Aziel, and somehow, that’s an aphrodisiac.
“Mommy?” Lilah calls from the other room.
I drop the shirt and open my eyes. I can feel my cheeks flame up, embarrassment heating them even though I wasn’t caught. It feels like it was, and almost worse, it feels like I was caught by my daughter.
“Coming!” I yell to her.
I hang up the towels and walk back to the bedroom, crawling underneath the sheets with her. I pull her close, letting her rest her head in the crook of my arm. She instantly curls up into a ball next to my side and lets out a big yawn.
“Mommy?”
“What, Lilah?” I brush her hair out of her face.
“Is this a scary place?”
I frown at her. I don’t know if it is. But I don’t say that.
“No, Lilah, this isn’t a scary place. Why would you say that? Are you scared?”
She shakes her head. “No. Home is scary. This isn’t scary.”
I pull her away from me so I can look her in the eyes. “Why would you say home is scary?” As far as I know, Santiago has never done anything to hurt her. She’s been protected her entire life. She should never think home is scary, unless there’s something I don’t know about.
“You scared, Mom.” She says to me, completely unafraid.
“Why do you think I’m scared?” My throat thickens with my words, and I grab at it as if that’ll help get the words out.
Lilah pokes me, right in the eye. Honestly, it helps, because the words that come from her lips make me want to break down into sobs.
“Your eyes. They’re scared.” She pokes me again, and I choke out a sob. “Mom, are you sad?”
I pull her close so she can’t see my face twisted in agony. It feels like my heart is ripping in half at her words. I’ve tried so hard to keep her oblivious to the things around her, keeping her focused on the things she loves. Flowers, swinging, coloring, playing, and having fun. But she’s wiser beyond her years. She’s sees more than she lets on. I just wish I would have known.
“Mommy won’t be scared anymore, Lilah. You don’t have to be scared either, okay?”
“Okay.” She snuggles against me again.
It doesn’t take long to fall asleep, and for the first time in over five years, I don’t have a nightmare.
9
Aziel
“What’s the deal, Charlie? She tried to get out?” I ask the prospect. I only left about an hour ago, and this girl has already tried to sneak out? I shouldn’t be surprised, but a part of me is. She really is more of a spitfire than I initially thought. Which also means I’m going to have to be a lot more careful with her. She might slip through my fingers if I don’t close them fast enough.
He nods his head. “She did. Didn’t take much for her to get back in there though. She didn’t want to fight.”
