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The next time I wake,I see the sun peeking through the curtains. I sit up in bed, rubbing at my forehead as a splitting headache refuses to subside. It clutches my eyes in a sharp ache, spreading to my temples and grips my head in a horrible throb.
“Ugh.” I groan.
What happened?
I think back, remembering our trip to Mexico. Remembering our makeup and The Day of the Dead party where I ran into Santiago. My body clenches as I recall Santiago touching me. Hitting me.
Aziel fighting Santiago.
Boom.
“Oh no.” I cry out, ripping the sheets off me and running out of the bedroom. I sprint down the stairs, finding everyone sitting at the bar, looks of mourning filling their eyes.
Lilah sees me, jumping off the bar stool and running up to me.
“Mommy!” She yells.
I fall to my knees, wrapping my arms around her tiny body and locking her against me.
“Lilah, I missed you so much. How are you, baby?” I choke the words out, tears clogging my voice.
“I had so much fun! I played with Violet and Haley. But you sleep so long. Because you’re sad, Mom? Violet says Z went to go live with grandma and grandpa.”
I press her face into my chest to hide the tears that can’t be tamed. They fall fast and heavy as I close my eyes and burrow my face on the top of her head. “I’m sad, Lilah.”
I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up, seeing Violet’s red rimmed eyes staring down at me in sorrow.
“Lilah, why don’t we let your mom get settled in and get some food in her belly, huh? Then maybe we can tell her about how much fun we’ve had the last couple days.” Violet says softly, squatting down to wrap her arms around the both of us.
Lilah looks up at me, a frown on her face. She’s always been intuitive, reading my emotions like a book. Always the first to catch on when something is wrong. I can see in her eyes she doesn’t want to leave me, but she also wants to do what she’s told.
“I’m fine, baby. I’ll come find you in a little bit.” The words squeak out, and I’m barely able to keep my emotions together as Lilah smiles at me and gives me one more hug.
They walk off, out the front door and into the cool afternoon. It’s November, which means the mornings and evenings are cold, and it only gets to be mild during the day, depending. From the breeze that flies through the door when they open it, today is one of those cool days.
Fitting. It shouldn’t be a nice day when there is such bad news in my heart.
I look up at them. All of them. Each one is staring at me, besides Lynx. Lynx is nowhere to be seen.
“Is he… did you find him?”
Jex stands from of his chair and walks to me, helping me off the ground. “No, Ivy. It was too risky.” He pushes me into his vacant seat and hands me his drink. I take a swig, wincing through the heavy alcohol. “He’s gone. You saw it. I saw it. He’s gone, but you have to think about it this way… Santiago is gone too. It’s what Z wanted. It’s what he’s been fighting for.”
I can barely hear his words as dread thickens my blood. My body feels swollen with sorrow and it hurts to even lift a finger. “It wasn’t worth it. His death… it’s not worth that monster’s death.”
“No, it’s not. But you can’t fault him for what he did. He fought for his club. He fought for the girls. But mostly, he fought for you. Remember that. He went out a hero. Charlie too.” Pascal gruffs from the other end of the bar.
I shake my head, heartbreak and grief splitting me in two. “Where is Lynx? And Haley?”
“Lynx hasn’t left church. Haley’s been serving him drinks, but I think she’s tired of being his maid. He’s probably threatening her right about now.” West says.
Maybe I should start drowning myself in alcohol. “This isn’t right. None of it is.” I finish off the rest of Jex’s drink.
“Listen, Ivy,” West says, “I know how you’re feeling. I haven’t been able to eat or fucking sleep since we got home. I don’t want this to be real any more than you do. But it is, and we have to move on. You can live here, it’s what Aziel would want you to do. You’re family now.”
I stare down at the bottom of the empty glass, willing it to fill to the rim. I want to drown myself in liquor and forget why my limbs feel so discombobulated. My toes start tingling with irritation, and as it flows through my veins, up my thighs and through my stomach. I realize this anger, this wrath I’m feeling, must be how Aziel felt much of the time.
