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11
Trisha
I was glad Mikal spent the night. Waking in his arms was exactly what I needed today. It made me feel more secure in leaving to go see Kevin. I hated telling Mikal that I purchased a one-way ticket, but he seemed to understand when I told him that I had no idea when I was returning to Rhode Island. Hopefully I’d only be there a week, but I might end up finishing off the summer there.
It was difficult doing the right thing, when I wasn’t sure exactly what that was. That’s why even now as we drove to the airport, I battled with what to say when it was time to get out of the car and part ways. We hadn’t spoken at all about the future. Never even talked about our feelings. Should I not bring either topic up until I come back home? Was he avoiding them because he didn’t want to talk about them?
Last night when we were in bed, I showed him how I felt. I gave myself to him completely, and it felt like he did the same. Maybe the words aren’t needed right now. Maybe they’d only make parting even harder than it already was.
We pulled into the airport, and he drove up to the sign that said departures, and stopped. I’m not ready. “Would you mind driving around again?”
“The airport?” he asked. I nodded. “No problem.” As he pulled back onto the road he asked, “Nervous to fly?”
“No. It’s just…I’m a planner and this was really a last-minute thing. I mean yesterday morning I had no intention of being on a flight today,” I admitted.
He shot me a quick look before turning his attention to the road again. “I thought that you had this planned.”
That puzzled and shocked me. In a way, it angered me a bit too. “I would’ve told you, if I had.” Didn’t he know that? Guess not. Maybe this shows that we don’t know each other well at all if he thinks I would keep something like leaving the country a secret. “I think I’m ready to get dropped off at the departure gate now.”
“Are you sure? You have plenty of time before your flight leaves,” he said. “Maybe we can go get something to drink first.”
“No. I want to go get checked in and touch base with Kevin. If you don’t mind bringing me back. Sorry to have had you drive away, only to return right away,” I said.
“That’s okay.”
He did a few more turns and then pulled back to the departure sign and shut off the car. He opened the door and grabbed my suitcase from the trunk. I met him on the sidewalk.
“Thank you, Mikal. I really appreciate the ride,” I said.
“It was my pleasure.”
I wanted him to say something like how he didn’t care where we went, as long as we were spending time together. But there wasn’t the warmth, the I miss you feeling, like I hoped he’d have right now. It hurt. It shouldn’t, but it did. Damn it. This is what I get for opening my heart up again. It was so much easier when I was…alone.
I hugged him briefly and said, “Enjoy your summer.”
He released me and said, “Enjoy your time with your son.”
I nodded and with my luggage in hand, I walked into the airport fighting back tears. Last night was so beautiful. Today felt like it never happened. Like it was a dream, and I didn’t want to wake from it. But it’s too late. I woke up.
There was only one positive and that was I would be with my son and Kimberly. Their house would be filled with hope and happiness about the future. I wish mine was.
After I was checked in, I sat in the boarding area wishing I wasn’t here so darn early. I called Penny, who was already at work. I knew if she was busy, I’d get voicemail but that was okay. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say anyway.
But she answered, “Ready for your flight?”
“I’m already checked in.”
“Wow. I’d thought you and Mikal would be struggling letting go of each other,” she said.
Me too.
“There wasn’t much to say.” Or at least not much said.
“That’s shocking. Maybe you were both too tired from saying goodbye last night,” she teased.
I wasn’t in the mood for her positive thinking. I was upset and sad and didn’t want to rationalize why my feelings were valid. They were my feelings, and I had a right to them. It didn’t matter how wonderful the rest of my time with Mikal was, he didn’t say a word about me leaving.
“Penny, he didn’t say anything to me when I left,” I said.
