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“What exactly did he say, because I don’t believe he said nothing.”
“He told me to enjoy my visit with Kevin,” I stated.
“Oh my goodness. That’s horrible. How can he be so…mean?”
I could hear the sarcasm in her tone.
“Penny, you are not getting what I’m trying to say,” I said.
“That’s because you’re not saying it. Maybe that is the problem. Neither of you said what you wanted to,” Penny explained.
“I…wasn’t sure what to say,” I admitted.
“And what makes you think he did?” she asked.
Because I was hoping he did.
“When did you become the rational friend?” I asked. “I was the one keeping you grounded.”
“That was before your world got turned upside down when you fell in love with Mikal,” she replied.
“I’m not in love with him.” I lied to her and to myself.
“Okay. You keep telling yourself that and maybe you won’t be when you get back home,” she said. “Won’t that be a shame too. I mean how many women get to experience a love like you have twice in a lifetime. Hell, I’ve not had it even once,” she sighed.
“You can’t compare what I had with Ben to what I have with Mikal,” I said firmly. I never wanted to think of loving anyone that much again. It was as though I wasn’t honoring the memories of us together. I don’t want to forget.
“I’m not saying it’s the same. They are two different men entirely. But you know that is what’s wonderful. You’re not trying to replace Ben, but you just found someone new. There’s nothing wrong with that,” she said.
“And you think Kevin would agree? You know how close he was with Ben.” They did everything together when Kevin was growing up. If you saw Ben, you knew Kevin was tagging along close by.
“I know Kevin loved his father. But he also loves his mother and wouldn’t want you to be spending the rest of your life in mourning. He’d understand if you sat him down and told him about Mikal,” Penny said.
“What is there to tell? That I met a man that makes my toes curl? I’m sure he’d be thrilled to hear that,” I said sarcastically.
“If that was all I thought there was between you and Mikal, I wouldn’t be wasting my time talking about him right now. But we both know it’s a lot more than that,” she said.
“For me, maybe. But I’m not so sure about Mikal.”
“Maybe he feels the same insecurities that you do. You might need to say the words first,” she said.
“I can’t do that,” I said firmly.
She laughed. “You invited the guy to your house and had him bring a blindfold and handcuffs. Saying three little words should be easy.”
Nope. They are the hardest ones to say. Because what if he doesn’t say them back.
“If it comes up while visiting Kevin, I’ll tell him about Mikal. But I’m not going to broach the subject. He has enough on his plate already. I’m not going there to add to it. I’m hoping to alleviate some stress,” I said.
“Fair enough. I just don’t want you to sacrifice your own happiness for others.”
“I’m a mother. It’s what we do,” I stated.
“And your baby is a grown ass man with his own family. It’s time you start living for yourself because life is short. If anyone knows that, it should be you after losing Ben.”
No truer word has ever been said.
“Thank you, Penny. I might not take your advice, but I appreciate you giving it.”
