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She was going to break his heart. There was no way around it, and he knew that with absolute certainty. He was soft and weak and too fucking needy, and he should have known better than to have signed up for this program; he should’ve known from the start. He should’ve told his brothers what he was doing as they sat around their table at the Pickled Pig, should’ve let Gray and Trapp talk some sense into him, but he hadn’t, and now it was too late. He formed attachments too easily, fell in love too quickly, and she would rip him to shreds.
But, Lowell reminded himself, it wasn’t like he had anything else to do. He was lonely and depressed and worried about his future, and he would still be lonely and depressed with or without a broken heart. He was tired of being a third wheel, tired of being an addendum, tired of being utterly without purpose here. He thought what she was doing was a mistake, but it was her mistake to make. She was going to break his heart, but this pandemic wouldn’t last forever. Eventually, he would be able to fly away from here and mend himself back together as best he could. And if nothing else, it would get him the fuck out of Grayson’s house for a few hours.
“It’s a date,” he murmured against her hair, raising her chin to meet his mouth once more.
* * *
Chapter 7
Moriah
She hadn’t really knownwhat to expect that first month.
She’d felt as if she had been sitting in the procedure room for hours before he finally entered — hours in which she had unwound her entire thought process, found it completely lacking, all of her decisions poor, determining that she ought to go home, and never leave her house again. She didn’t know what she was doing. She had been so fixated on this one thing for so long, and now she felt guilty for having fixated on him. Not a fixation. You genuinely like him. And you haven’t liked anyone in so long it feels weird and new and exciting. She’d wanted to get together with him again before the full moon, making the mistake of saying that to Drea and receiving her friend’s judgment in return.
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, babe. The whole point of picking your donor is that you feel comfortable with them, but they’re not a part of this. They contribute genetic material, and that’s it. You don’t have to share your baby with them; you don’t have to think about custody or their opinion. It just isn’t the way it’s done. I don’t know if it’sgetting him involved is a good idea.”
She had agreed with her friend’s words at the time, but the more she chewed them over, the more she realized Drea was speaking of her own situation and not thinking past that. Of course, she and Elijah didn’t want to spend time with their donor or have their donor be any more involved than necessary — Elijah had to come to terms with the fact that this other man was going to be fucking his wife, and while they could swallow it for the sake of their baby, they didn’t want to be spending time with him over red wine and over cheese fondue.
Moriah had no such constraints. She was by herself, doing this alone.It’s the dumbest fucking thing you’ve ever considered. What are you thinking?! You’re not; that’s the problem. You wanted to have a baby when you were married. Do you still want to have one now that you’re alone?She didn’t know the answer, but it seemed too late to second-guess herself.
When Lowell had entered the room, at last, as naked as the day he was born, she decided it didn’t matter. She’d made the right choice about him, regardless of the why behind it, and she wanted to keep spending time with him. He thrummed with energy, and she loved how ridiculous and over-the-top he was.
“You eat me out better than anyone else ever has,” she’d keened against his neck, feeling him shiver at the compliment. “You make me feelsogood.”
His nearness made her twist as the heat sizzled in her veins. Her legs were ready to drop open the moment he entered the room, and when he’d groaned, his cock jerking inside her as he came, she’d gripped his testicles again. She loved the feeling of him pulsing, throbbing, emptying for her, her thumb seeking out that spasming muscle.
“Good boy. You’re cumming so much for me.”
His spine quivered, and his balls seemed to vibrate in her hand, and she decided she would be happy to call him her good boy forever if it made him throb in such a way.
She was ready for more when he walked them awkwardly to the bed. He had kissed as much of her body as he could while they were tied, each tug an uncomfortable stab of pain, at least, until it wasn’t. He took note of the way her head dropped back in her eyes fluttered close when his knot tested the give at her opening, and his fingers had landed at her clit, rubbing her determinedly.
“I want to feel you squeeze me,” he’d groaned against her hair as she began to buck up into his hand. He’d trapped her clit between two knuckles, and the pad of his thumb was working over the exposed pearl, bumping her hood and making her see stars. “Can you feel my cock getting hard again already? I want to feel your pussy squeeze it tight. Are you going to come for me, Moriah?”
Her clit felt like it was sparking, and when he had rubbed her to a fiery climax, she did exactly as he asked.
The second time he’d fucked her, he had her up on her knees, pumping his cock into her as deeply as it could go. The sound of his balls slapping into her was an obscene percussion in the room, and she wondered if they were able to hear it over the cameras.
“You feel so fucking good,” he’d groaned into her neck, his hips never slowing. “Are you ready to take my knot? Because my cock is ready to explode.”
When he came, the pressure of his knot pushed her over the edge, and he laced his fingers with hers, filling her with spurt after spurt of his hot, thick release until she was certain she could taste it at the back of her throat.
That time they had both dozed in the bed. She woke first, testing the give of his knot within her and finding that she was able to pull out on her own, but not wanting to. He was curled around her, an arm around her waist and his knee pushed in between her legs, his breath hot at her neck. She had only just met him, and it was beyond foolish to contemplate, but it was how she wanted to wake up in her own bed, she thought.
