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Moriah nodded, settling back in her seat. She needed to talk this through with someone, needed to decide what she was going to do, because like the last two years of her life, time was slipping by nearly without notice. Hours into days and days into weeks and weeks into months and months and months she could barely remember, and this month was no exception.
The full moon loomed once again, and she had no idea what to do.
* * *
Lowell
IT HAD BEEN A VERYlong two weeks.
The week after their dinner outing, he’d made a good effort to have fun with his brothers. He tagged along with Grayson and Trapp every week at the Pickled Pig, a trendy gastropub in the business district, always brimming with those who came to see and be seen. Trapp and Gray seemed completely at ease, but Lowell felt the slide of eyes upon them week after week, heads coming together, whispering about the Hemmings in their midst.
He could not fathom how Grayson and Trapp had so much to talk about every single week. It seemed to him that they were on the phone with each other every waking minute of the day that they were not actively engaged at work, yet the instant they would claim their table, they would be off — gossiping and exclaiming over things and people for which Lowell had no frame of reference, making plans, and bringing each other up-to-date on the minutiae of their weeks.
It made him wonder if this was the way he and Owen were meant to act. Grayson and Trapp were very different people, but they were bonded at their cores, as close as twins, and it seemed patently unfair when Lowell and hisactualtwin had not a single thing in common. Owen was quiet, courteous, and patrician, and he always had been; the opposite of him in every way.
For as long as Lowell could remember, being in his brother’s presence made him jittery. Owen wastooquiet and still, and when they were young, it seemed to trigger something in Lowell’s brain — to be louder, more rambunctious, moremore. They never wanted to play the same games as children, and when they did, they fought. Owen would accuse Lowell of cheating, and he, in turn, would accuse Owen of dragging things out on purpose, taking too long, and forcing his hand. He’d hated being a twin when they were children. He didn’t want to dress like someone else, didn’t want to share his toys, share his mother’s limited attention, shareanyof the crumbs he felt they got — and crumbs were all that was left after the three bickering overachievers left their parents reeling. No matter how they started playing together, it always ended the same way — Lowell was happier going off in search of Grayson and Trapp, and Owen was happiest, it always seemed to him, when Lowell was not present.
“You don’t get to say no. That’s the part you’re not understanding. You don’t get to say no to fuckinganything.”
He didn’t know the context of the conversation, but it appeared to be at Grayson’s expense. Trapp seemed delighted.
“If she wants you to go diving for an oyster that has a 10-carat diamond, you damn well better make sure you have the fucking diamond in your pocket and the oyster anchored in the water beneath your hut. If she wants gold skywriting telling the whole world what an asshole you are, you need to figure out how to do it. This is an apology trip. You don’t get to put a price tag on anything.”
“Oysters have pearls,” Lowell piped up in confusion, having just arrived. “What am I missing?”
“It doesn’t matter what they have. It doesn’t matter if she asks for a fucking turkey sandwich. You’re going to dive down to that oyster and figure out a way to bring her sandwich up without it getting wet. You don’t get to say no.”
Grayson groaned. “I’ve already spent almost half a mil, and we haven’t fucking left yet. She’s going to take me for everything I have.”
Instantly, Lowell understood the conversation as Trapp threw his head back and laughed. Grayson was taking his super villain girlfriend on an extravagant tropical vacation to atone for some grievous misdeed he’d committed months earlier. Lowell silently considered that he had been to French Polynesia numerous times and had barely spent a few hundred dollars — he’d met locals, ate where they ate, swam in the crystal clear water without needing an excursion, and had an excellent time every time work took him there — yet somehow his brother was managing to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars before even arriving.That checks out.
“You know what would cost a lot less? Couples counseling. You might learn to talk about your feelings well enough that you wouldn’t be compelled to bring other women on vacation every time your girlfriend upsets you. And she might learn healthy ways of expressing her completely understandable aggression without trying to crush your scrotum. You probably wouldn’t even need to pay anything out of pocket. But the fact stands — you don’t get to say no to anything she wants on this trip. You did the crime, and now you have to pay for it. In blood or money, whichever she wants. And yeah, she’s totally going to take you for every penny you have.”
“Isn’t that what prenups are for?” Lowell asked, brows drawn together in confusion. He had been away at school when Trapp had impulsively married his med school girlfriend without any sort of prenup, much to their father’s consternation. When the relationship fell apart a year or two later, it had been a three-ring circus.
“She would circumcise me in my sleep if I were to try to give her a prenup,” Grayson mused as Trapp nearly choked in laughter.
Lowell had drifted to the bar as the two of them continued their conversation, staring at the specialty cocktail menu at the bar’s edge for far too long, his brain not deciphering a single word of it, too lost in his own thoughts.
She’d wanted to have dinner together.It’s a date, that’s what he had said. But it wasn’t, not really, and in his heart, he knew that. She was trying to make herself feel better about the whole thing, make it feel like less of a transaction, and for the first time, he’d begun to wonder how he would feel if it actually worked.What’s going to happen when she’s pregnant? Is she still going to want you coming around? Are you going to watch her have a baby and then . . . what? Meet someone else? When you have no legal recourses? Not that you have them now . . .
The irony of meeting up in Greenbridge Glenn was not lost on him. The small hamlet was best known for its libidinous sex parties and a resort hotel; the things that went on there were an open secret. His brother was co-owner of a vast estate within the community, outside of the resort area, nestled in the hills on a long, winding private drive. Lowell had been there numerous times when he was home for the annual Lupercalia celebration Grayson held, in addition to other parties throughout the year, but he had never been to the resort itself.First time for everything, he thought to himself sardonically, leaving for the evening.
She’d seemed jittery. Jittery and nervous and unsure of herself in his presence, he knew that everything he had predicted was true.She’s the patient, and you’re a donor. That’s it. Her disclosure of the true nature of the procedure and what they would do had left him feeling vaguely sick, and he disliked the feeling of being misled, which was what he was certain the clinic was doing.
He’d walked her to her car again, hand in hand, the same as they’d done that very first night, only this time she had gripped him by the shirt front, pulling him down to meet her mouth. Her nails had dragged down his neck, sighing into him when his teeth caught at her lips, and his wolf writhed in his bones. He was stupid and impulsive and always had been, and at that moment, Lowell wanted to do nothing more than sink his teeth into her shoulder and claim her for the whole world to see, to take her as a mate, and fight off anyone else that would attempt to have her, any fucking wolf stupid enough to inject her with the poison of chemical suppressants.
He wasn’t sure when he’d lifted her to the car hood. He wasn’t sure when her hands had moved to his belt buckle and couldn’t be certain if he had helped her draw down his zipper, but they were his fingers that slipped beneath the edge of her panties, pushing into her wetness and relishing the little moan she gave when he did so.
“I like you,” she’d informed him stubbornly, and he’d wondered if she was telling him or convincing herself. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I want you to fuck me, and I don’t want either of us to feel bad about doing it.”
It was fast and hard and dirty, and he couldn’t help but note that this was the second time they’d been together and also the second time he’d had his cock out in public, which was surely a record, but he did exactly as she asked. He loved being independent and living by himself on the edge of the great wide unknown, but Lowell Hemming was a sucker for a woman who told him what to do.
He heard the splash of his semen hitting the ground when he slipped from her afterward, kissing her long and hard before her tail lights disappeared up the road, leaving him in the twilight once again. His feet had carried him back to the small downtown, into what looked like a dive bar, ordering a double shot of the strongest liquor they had. He had no idea how to walk away from all this, and as soon as the thought occurred to him, he was certain that was what he needed to be doing, somehow.
“You all right to drive, lad?” the bartender asked skeptically, his lilting accent softening his dubious tone as he watched Lowell staring into space as if the answers he sought might have rested at the bottom of his empty glass. “You look like you’ve been tossed from the boot of a truck.”
“I am,” Lowell assured him. “I’m fine. I’m going to be a father, maybe.”
