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He kissed me again,pressed his hard cock against me through our clothes, and finally pushed me away in disgust.
“You need your pills, sweet sparrow,” he said. “Where are they?”
I was numb with shock at how he’d treated me and how some deep fire had been lit inside of me. I hadn’t wanted to admit it, but something deep responded to Alexander’s cruel beauty and the fact that he made it easy. I belonged to him, so it was expected for me to submit to his will.
“On the desk,” I murmured, unable to find my voice. He ran his hand down my arm and let his fingers brush against mine as if he was reluctant to let me go. And then, he walked over to my desk in the corner and picked up the largest pill bottle.
“Is this the one you need when you’re feeling anxious?” he asked, reading the label. “I’m not sure what any of them are. You’ll have to look them up on your app if you need a specific type.”
“I know them all,” I said. “Your father was quite generous with his doctors, and they went over everything.”
I crossed to stand next to him, picked up the smallest pill bottle, and popped the lid open. This was a tiny blue pill I would dissolve under my tongue for immediate relief, but it also made me very tired. I would miss dinner if I took it, and I didn’t want to miss dinner. It wasn’t that I was hungry for the dining hall fare. It was more the company. It was the one time we were all together at the same time and close enough that I could bask in all the attention from those I liked or loved.
“What’s wrong?” Alexander asked, watching me with those hawkish eyes of his. I was always being watched when he was around. His father was the same way. Watching, judging, finding fault.
“They make me sleepy,” I said. “I wanted to go down for dinner before bed.”
“You need calm more than food,” he replied and set the large bottle down. “You can skip a meal or two, but you need to care for your mental health. You’re not yourself, Willow, and it’s starting to worry all of us.”
“I feel fine,” I replied and rolled the blue pill between my fingers. “I feel more than fine. I feel like I finally know who I am. I’m getting an idea of what I want.”
“You want what you’re told,” he said with an amused curl to his lip. “Your job is to learn how to serve. That’s what all Upper women are taught. You know this. You’ve known this your entire life. So you don’t have to worry about what you want, because I will tell you what you want. And right now, you want to take your pill like a good little sparrow.”
“I don’t,” I said with newfound determination. “I really don’t.”
It felt raw to me, this defiance that sprung up from nowhere. I popped the lid on the small bottle and put the pill back inside. I was closing it again when Alexander’s hand snaked out and took me by the wrist.
“Don’t put it back,” he warned. “Take your pill, go to sleep, and wake up like a good girl again.”
“I’ve never been a good girl,” I snarled and tried to pull away from him. “But that’s why you hurt me before, isn’t it? That’s why you tried to—”
I was going to say “kill me,” but even in my defiant state, I knew that would take it too far.
“I tried to what?” he demanded and jerked my arm back. I struggled and fought with him and the pill bottle tilted, the lid fell off, and little blue pills spilled out and scattered across the hardwood floors. “Look what you did! You need to apologize to me!”
His anger flared, and I saw his mask slip. The cruelty that turned me off and turned my stomach was on the surface, and I felt sick when I looked at him.
“Youdid it!” I yelled, and something flipped inside me. A switch or a gate opened, or a box tipped over. I couldn’t exactly sense what it was, but some part of me was unleashed, and I snapped. “You need to apologize tome!”
I balled up the fist on my other hand and slammed it into the bottom of his chin. His teeth snapped shut and clattered, and as he groaned at the pain, I lifted my leg, swung it around, and kicked him above his knee on the back of his calf.
He tilted forward and fell to his knees. I punched him again, and he released my wrist at last. I punched him twice more in the head until I needed to take a step back and contain my sudden fiery rage.
This felt more like me. This is who I was, not the subdued and timid future housewife Upper that everyone kept expecting. I was a scrapper. I could feel it in the callouses on my knuckles and the way I bounced on the balls of my feet. I wanted to fight because I was good at it.
I watched him hold his face in his hands and heard him groan. “What the fuck? Why did you do that?”
“I don’t know,” I replied. “I guess I don’t like being told what to do all the time.”
He stood slowly and shook his head as if to release the pain I’d left him. He rubbed his jaw and stretched it back and forth, opened his mouth into a soundless yawn, and straightened himself out.
“Seriously, Willow, what the fuck has gotten into you?” he said, glaring down at me with pure, unadulterated anger. “Take your fucking meds before you completely lose your mind.”
“You can’t make me,” I said, defiance still simmering in my heart. “I don’t want to, and you can’t make me.”
He took a deep breath and sighed, flexed his hands, and suddenly broke forward and got his arms around me. I struggled to fight him, to regain my freedom, but he was too much. He had me in a tight grip, and as I squirmed, I somehow got turned around, so he had me from behind.
The air slowly squeezed out of my chest, and I felt the edges of my vision going dark.
