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“I don’t know. That’s the problem. I can’t remember. He’s the one who gave himself away, though. He mentioned it on the night of the dance. I think he wanted me to marry you so he could sleep with me,” I said and looked up at him. “I never would, you know. I can’t believe he even thinks I would agree to that.”
“You might have,” Alexander said, and his hooded eyes darkened. I could almost see a shadow cross over them, like a cloud across the bright moon. “You were different before, little sparrow. You were, I don’t know, more ambitious, perhaps? More excited about my money than you were about me? I don’t know, but you are much different.”
“Of course, she wanted your money more than you,” Rome chuckled. “You were a fucking asshole to her. You were a complete piece of shit, and I never thought you deserved her.”
“Hey, watch yourself there, dude,” Alexander replied with a laugh. He dropped back down to face me. He settled his arm on my waist just above Rome’s and rolled forward. “As for you, I’m sorry. I was kind of an asshole before, and maybe I still am. But I want you, and I only want to be with you. I’ll never be like my dad, and I’ll never cheat.”
I took Rome’s hand in mine and pulled it up to my mouth to kiss it. I gave Alexander a crooked smile and said, “I can’t say the same. I’m sorry.”
We all laughed, Rome kissed the back of my neck, and Alexander kissed my mouth quickly. “It’s not cheating when we’re all in on it,” he said. “I want you to know that. I want to share you with them, I don’t know why, but it feels good because it makes you feel good.”
“I feel like I need the balance,” I said. “I think, I mean, I don’t even know. Maybe I’m just a cock hungry beast who can’t get enough, maybe I’m just weird, but it feels good.”
“You feel good. We feel good,” Rome said. “That’s all we need to know.”
I heard the scrape of a foot on the windowsill and looked over to find Luke dropping down from the bathroom counter. He was always so agile, climbing up the outside of my dorm building to sneak in during the night. He’d been doing it since before the accident, according to him, but I could only place him here afterward.
He offered me a slow, easy smile and strode across the room to the bed. “You guys couldn’t wait for me?” he asked as he kicked off his shoes, tore off his pants, and climbed in with us. He edged Alexander out of the way and got in between the two of us. He looked into my eyes, and I held my breath as his flared from dark blue to violet when he moved his head. He was so beautiful and so feral compared to my clean-cut Upper men. His tattoos gave him an extra edge that I loved, and I wondered if I’d ever get any of my own.
Even though I felt like I had some already, whenever I looked at my skin, it was blank.
I shook my head and said, “We didn’t mean to exclude you, but I thought you’d be with Harlow.”
“I have to be,” he said and shrugged. “She needs me on her side, and she needs me to support her through everything. I’m not choosing her side against you, but against the system that pits us into battle with each other.”
“Is she going to be okay?” I asked. “What happened to her? Why did they take her away?”
“We were so frantic when you went missing,” he said. “We heard rumors from these guys that you were in the Pit, but we couldn’t be sure. We knew they must have caught you with Harlow’s flask, and she was wracked with guilt over it. She finally cracked and confessed to Matron Baker three days after you were gone. We honestly thought you would be released, and we thought it would help you.”
“But they didn’t let me go,” I said. “They refused to let me go.”
“They kept you in there because of my father,” Alexander explained. “There was never going to be a reason to let you out until we started to demand answers.”
“They would have kept you in there forever. It seems,” Rome said. “Harlow, too. We started a protest out here. Not just us, but a few other guys.”
“I can’t believe you guys did that for me,” I said. “And I’m sorry. I wish Harlow had never told anyone about the flask. It was such a flimsy premise, and there was no reason for it.”
“She’ll recover, and she’ll forgive you,” Luke said, bending forward to kiss my forehead. We held each other like that for a while as the four of us talked and caught up. I told them a little more about my time in the Pit, but even there in my own bed, surrounded by men who cared for me and would protect me any way they could, I was full of fear that I would slide back into the darkness if I spoke it out loud.
After a while, the conversation stalled for a moment, and we let the silence wash over us, revealing in the glow of simple human touch. I knew Luke had to go. His energy receded, and he pulled back from me. “I need to get back before they notice my empty bed. I can’t have any more marks on my record, or it’s back to Lower life in the shit for me.”
I wanted to beg him to stay, but I couldn’t. I watched as he pulled on his pants, slid his feet back into his shoes, and gave me a crooked smile before turning to take off again. I couldn’t help myself. I jumped up out of bed and ran to him just as he reached the bathroom door. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to me, hooked my hands around his neck, and pulled him down to me. I kissed him deeply, running my hand through his thick, blonde hair as our tongues entwined.
I didn’t want him to go. I felt like I needed him by my side. I craved him near me, and I hated the division in our world that kept him apart. It felt wrong that he was a Lower, that I was an Upper when we were just two people who wanted to know each other and learn to love. I didn’t want to only know him like this, in little snatches of time stolen from our regular schedule. Here in my room, alone in the hedge maze, I wanted more.
But I couldn’t have it, so I had to let him go. I had to watch as he turned away, almost in slow motion, his fingers dragging along the palm of my hand until they lost contact, and I dropped it. I watched him climb through the window, hesitate on the ledge, and turn back to give me one last slow, sexy grin before leaping out onto the landing below. I had tears in my eyes as I returned to the bed.
“That was unfortunate,” Alexander said, running his hand down my back when I sat on the edge of the mattress. “You really rethink this need for a Lower in your life, you know. It complicates things.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I hissed and turned on him like a lioness. “After all those pretty words you said about being okay with me having other guys, or the shit you said about hating the division as much as I do, you’re gonna say that?”
“She’s hurting. Lay off,” Rome said, reaching over and swatting Alexander’s hand away from me. “Dude, there’s a time and a place, and this is neither.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Alexander replied, sullen like a scolded little boy. He had a lot of emotional work to do. I could see it then as plain as day. He had been raised to think he was the center of the world, that everybody and everything revolved around him and his kind. It was going to take a lot more than some pretty words to deprogram him and make some real changes away from Crimson Academy.
“Then how did you mean it?” I asked, still stinging from where his words had hurt me.
“I mean, it makes it harder on you,” he said. “I know you like Luke Lancaster, and I can see the appeal. Every girl loves the bad boy, right? His tattoos, the piercings, all of it. But maybe it’s too hard on your heart. Maybe you should wait until after college when we’re married, and you have more power.”
