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“That’s right.” Ginger smiled as if she and Nate were going to Disneyland instead of a ranch he knew nothing about. He’d never worked on a ranch, despite being a Texan, and a flutter of nerves stole through him.
He told himself that before his incarceration, he’d never assisted in an office either. He’d never worked in a library. He’d never taught business or finance classes, and he’d never done suicide watch. And he’d managed to figure out how to do all of those things too.
He could do whatever Ginger threw his way.
But when she turned to him, that perfectly pretty smile still on those full lips, Nate’s whole world blacked out. She couldn’t smile at him like that, because he was suddenly thinking about things he shouldn’t be.
He hadn’t kissed a woman in a very long time, though he didn’t have the exact number of days counted the way he did for how long he’d been behind bars.You won’t be kissing Ginger either, he thought, and he turned away from her stunning beauty.
Nate was very good at following rules. Very, very good at it. He could handle his time at Hope Eternal Ranch. It was less than six months, and Nate knew he could do anything for less than six months.
He let Bethany lead him around the corner and into the chapel. The funeral hadn’t started yet, and people sat in the rows, talking softly to one another. As he went by, though, all chatter ceased.
“Momma,” Bethany whispered once they’d reached nearly the front row. “Nate’s here.”
His mother moved as if in slow motion, her eyes lit from within. “Nathaniel.” She rose, using the bench in front of her to steady her.
Nate stepped toward her and engulfed her in a hug, this one ten times better than the one he’d gotten from Bethany. “Momma.” He breathed in the soft, floral-powdery scent of her. At least that hadn’t changed.
A murmur moved through the crowd, but Nate ignored it. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He just wanted to hug his father and sit down. Momma wept when she stepped back and traded places with Daddy.
“Hey, Dad.” Nate hugged him too, hoping his father wasn’t too disappointed in him. Ward had said he wasn’t; that they’d all come to terms with the situation. His father held him tight. So tight, Nate started to believe what his older brother had told him, and he couldn’t quite contain his emotions.
His eyes burned, and he closed them just as tightly as he held onto his father. They’d only come to visit him a few times. The drive was hard for them, and he’d kept his relationship going with them through emails and fifteen-minute phone calls and pictures Ward showed him.
Ward.
He sat down and looked up at the stained glass window. He couldn’t believe his brother was gone. What in the world was Nate going to do without him? He’d been the only solid thing in Nate’s life for the past fifteen hundred and eighty-two days, and he had no idea how to keep living without Ward only a message away.
He hadn’t even realized he’d started to cry until a soft, chilly hand slipped into his. Ginger had calluses on her thumbs, and Nate sure did like that about her. It meant she worked hard around that ranch of hers, and Nate suddenly couldn’t wait to get there.
He’d like to work outside if he could. Even though he hadn’t had a lot of restrictions on his outdoor time in prison, he had fences surrounding him all the time. He couldn’t wait to see the ranch and maybe, just maybe, scale the fence and stand on the other side. Just for a few minutes.
“Uncle Nate,” Connor said, climbing into his lap. Nate had to let go of Ginger’s hand to hold the boy, but that was okay. He and Connor were all the other had now, and Nate pressed his lips to the child’s temple as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“You okay?” he asked.
“I miss my daddy,” he said, snuggling deeper into Nate’s chest.
“I know,” Nate whispered. “So do I, Connor. So do I.” Beside him, Ginger stood up, and Nate looked at her. She motioned for him to follow her, but he wasn’t sure why.
Then his mother said, “Go on, Nate. We’re going into the other room for a family prayer, and then we’ll follow the casket in here.”
Nate hadn’t gotten all the memos, clearly, so he hurried to stand with Connor in his arms. He went into the room behind the chapel, catching plenty of side-glances from cousins and aunts and uncles. He ignored them all and stayed right beside his mother and father, Connor glued to him as if the child was afraid Nate would leave him too.
Please help me, he thought. He’d attended church services at River Bay, though he’d never been overly religious. Ward definitely was much more into worshipping, and Nate closed his eyes as the pastor started a beautiful prayer that was filled with warmth and comfort.
But when he had to walk in the processional behind his brother’s casket, the panic that had been hovering just beyond Nate reared and roared and reverberated through his whole soul.
He tried to breathe and couldn’t.
He tried to hold back his tears and failed.
He tried to find a solution—any solution—to his current situation, and saw…Ginger.
