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I could still picture the two dancing awkwardly but happily to rock and roll in the living room. Mila stared at me, sad interest written all over her face.
“He loved her, even though she suffered from schizophrenia. It wasn’t always easy with her. I can’t count the times we had to drive to the police station to pick her up after she’d had another episode. She was the best mother on the planet when she took her pills. But when she didn’t...” I paused, running a hand over the scar on my forearm. “Well, when she didn’t, she was still my mom, and I loved her.”
Mila shook her head. “How terrible. Why did the police get involved?”
“Because the system sucks. Things are better now than they used to be, but the police are still called all the time to pick people up who don’t belong in a cell or in handcuffs. I was never patient enough to become a shrink, but at least I had what it took to become a—”
My voice broke off.
Become a what, you idiot?A police officer? What the hell are you doing?
This was going terribly. Not from a cop’s stance. Mila was an open book at this point, ready to be read. But so was I! We were connecting on a much deeper level, and it felt so wrong.
For a moment, we both sat in silence. Mila was too kind to keep pushing me to continue my sob story, and I wasn’t monstrous enough to keep fishing for information when she was already close to tears.
Suddenly, she smiled and casually slapped my arm.
“I did a good job at killing the mood, huh?”
I smiled back at her. “You only lit the spark. I poured the gasoline.”
The thick air around us started to grow thinner again, more breathable. The scent of her floral shampoo filled my senses, reminding me that we were only a few inches apart. She was so damn close. If I’d only—
I swallowed hard and scooted forward in my seat. It was time to go. Now.
Before I could move, Mila scooted closer, the side of her body pressed against mine. Her warmth felt unbelievably good.
“I,” she said, raising a trembling hand to put it on mine. “I have to talk to you about something. Us. Here.”
Our gazes met. She was so freaking close. I’d barely have to lean forward to press my lips on hers.
Heat stained her cheeks. “I just need to make sure that this is not...” She looked away. “Well, that we both want the same thing here. I just don’t want to get hurt.”
I pushed away from her. Not too much to be rude or awkward, but enough to put some distance between the warmth of her body and mine. Her words echoed painfully through my head like someone had punched them into my chest.
I just don’t want to get hurt.
She was scared of me. She wanted to make sure I wouldn’t take advantage of her. That I wasn’t leading her on. That she could trust me.
“I won’t hurt you. I promise,” I said, scooting away some more. Never in my life had I forced myself on a woman. Even if Milawasthe hottest woman from my most scandalous dreams, I wasn’t an out-of-control pervert who didn’t respect a woman’s wishes. Her hand was still resting on mine, so I slowly pulled it out from underneath her. It was devasting losing that touch, the feeling of her soft skin on mine, but this whole adventure had to end right here and now, the mission be damned.
“I think I should probably go,” I said and slowly rose to my feet. This had gone far enough.
Mila also rose, but instead of agreeing with me and saying something like, “Thank God you understand; let’s be friends,” she threw her face into her hands and shook her head.
“God, I’m so stupid,” she mumbled into her palms. “Of course a man like you could never want a girl like me.”
Wait...what?
Her hands dropped next to her hips as she turned to face me with tears in her eyes. “That’s why I didn’t text you at first. I didn’t want to look like an idiot. But then I had a glass of wine too many and texted you from the lake house. I felt brave. I was so excited when you texted me back. I read into it. And now I’m the idiot anyways.”
A tear started rolling down her flushed cheek. Just one, which she wiped away.
“I’m so sorry, Noah, this won’t ever happen again. I knew a man like you was out of my league the moment we first met, but I really liked you, like I never liked anybody before. So I thought, why not give it a try? And when you agreed to come here, it encouraged me. Not trying to make excuses. I just...” Her voice faded.
I wanted to say something but didn’t know what. I was struck by her words, rooted to the ground in utter shock. The woman of my dreams, the one who had driven me wild since I first saw her, was standing in front of me telling me how pathetic she was for thinking she might be good enough forme?
“Mila...”
