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I pulled my hand out of his grasp.
Every inch of me burned to know what he meant by that. But every inch of me also warned against it.
“I-I better go,” I said and turned to the stables, then froze. In the middle of the courtyard, was Alrick. He was holding the reins of his saddled horse. A young stable boy was right next to him.
It was as if the whole world ceased to exist. Everything vanished but Alrick and me. We were only yards apart, yet the distance felt insurmountable.
His face was twisted in doubt, anger, and pain.
“It’s not what you think,” I said.
But Alrick grabbed the saddle of his horse and pulled himself up.
“Wait,” I shouted, but Alrick turned his horse, mumbled something to the stable boy, then gave the animal his heel. Within seconds, it raced toward the open gate of the courtyard that led to the road.
“Wait!” I yelled, thundering over the courtyard as if I stood a chance to catch him. I kept running and running and running, until I reached the gate.
“Please!” I shouted again, huffing from the sprint. But Alrick was out of earshot, disappearing down the winding road.
I felt the first burning tear as I leaned forward to catch my breath. Why was I so tired from such a short run? I could barely breathe.
“Alrick!”
A cold tingling spread from my chest into my face and the world started spinning. Tears were now streaming down my cheeks.
“Your Highness.” I heard the stable boy’s voice behind me. “Am I to send the guards after this lord?” he asked.
I gulped air into my lungs. “What,” I puffed, fighting the spinning world around me, “what did he say to you?”
“The lord?”
“What did he say?” I snapped as I tumbled sideways against the brick wall of the castle gate for support.
“At first, he wanted me to keep the stall for his horse. I think he wanted to ride and return. But right after he mounted, he changed his mind.”
The road and fields turned blurry as I watched the little dot that might be Alrick in the far distance. My ears started ringing; I could barely make out the stable boy’s words.
“The lord informed me to give his stall to another horse, as he would not be returning anytime soon.”
I felt as if something had shoved me off my feet; everything was growing dark, fuzzy. The boy’s last words kept spinning and spinning in my head.
“Your Highness!” I could hear him shouting but it was as if he was worlds away. “Help!” he screamed. “Help!” The sound seemed to echo as if from a long tunnel.
At this point, help might be too late,I thought. And as pathetic as it sounded, I didn’t even care that much. For a moment, death seemed like a rather peaceful end to the constant fighting. I wasn’t sure I had any fight left in me. Everything had been taken from me. Everything but a crown I didn’t want.
But if I died here, who would protect my kingdom and the North? Maybe Gunther wouldn’t get sent away. Maybe he’d take the opportunity to claim the kingdom for his own. Or, with the crown hanging in the balance, Louis might march his army south. King Algar would get away with everything he had done. But worst of all, he would most likely kill the rebels, their families, and the people who supported them, including Alrick and Henrike.
No.
I couldn’t do that.
Not to my own people, and not to all the ones I loved. My father and mother were watching me from somewhere, I could feel it. Is this what I wanted them to see?
Never.
“Rise, Queen of Ashes,” I heard my own words summon myself like a ghost. “You will find the strength to keep on fighting. Somehow, you always do.”
The smooth, soft sensation of silk prickled on my skin as distant voices echoed in the back of my head. Was that Frida and Wimfred?
“Rise, Queen of Ashes,” I heard my voice again, but this time, I felt my lips moving along with it.
“Rise.”
