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“Honest to God, it’s the truth, Carly.”
I shake my head, my voice starting to break. “Is this because of Jessica?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then have I done something to upset you? Is that why you want to get away from me? Please, Nick, if I’m to blame, you must tell me so I can—”
“Sssh …” He takes my hand and kisses it. “I love you more than life itself.You know that. Please, stop all this crazy talk. Of course, I want to be with you.Of course!If I could somehow get out of this trip, I would, but I can’t. I promise I’ll phone you every single day, and I’ll be back before you know it. We’ll do something extra special when I return to make it up to you, okay?”
I make a non-committal sound; I’m still not convinced.
“I would die for you,” he whispers. Passionately, he sucks each of my fingers in turn, licking the tips in a way that makes me throb painfully below. I close my eyes. He’s completely skewering my senses again. Releasing my hand, he tenderly caresses my cheek and then gently strokes my hair and ears, his fingers warm and slightly clammy. My stomach tightens and I’m consumed by uncontrollable longing. My God, I want him so much. He knows exactly what buttons to push and is milking it for all it’s worth.
I feel the painful throb again. My pulse is all over the place. Finally, he releases me and I place my hand over my jaw to compose myself.
“I can always cancel,” he says softly. I raise my eyebrows. He continues: “Seriously, I won’t go on this trip if you don’t want me to. If it really bothers you that much, then I can cancel. No big deal.”
I release a heavy sigh. “No, darling, it’s okay. I’m sorry for my outburst; I was just being childish. Of course, you must go. I don’t want to get in the way of your work. It’s only a week. Okay, it’s going to be difficult, and I’ll miss you terribly, but I’ll survive.”
“Of course you will.” He kisses my nose, my forehead, and then takes me in his arms. When he tries to loosen his grip, I continue to cling to him, not wanting to let go.
Gently, he pulls away and kisses my forehead again. When our eyes meet, his appear to sparkle with tears. “You’d better go inside now and get some sleep, darling. I’ll phone you tomorrow.”
“Okay.” We hug each other one last time, then I get out the car and wave goodbye to the man I love.
As soon as I get in the house, I stand with my back to the door, catching my breath. I can hear the tap of computer keys coming from the living room; Dad is still awake, working on his manuscript. He calls out to me, asks me how my day has been, and I tell him yeah, everything’s great. Then I go to the kitchen and drink two cups of espresso, one after the other, and think about smoking; I can almost taste the tobacco. But in the end I don’t, because whatever Nick’s done to me has worked. Shaking my head, I go up to my bedroom and lock the door. I need time to think.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I kick off my shoes and rub my temples. Taking a few breaths, I loosen up a little and start to see straight again. I glance around my room. It’s like I’ve never seen the place before. Everything seems strange with nothing familiar to hang onto. For something to do, I play around with my new iPhone and try to figure out how to work the thing. Eventually, I give up, realising it needs my full concentration, and right now, my head just isn’t with it.
I take out my laptop and plug it in the wall socket. Cradling it between my knees, I wait impatiently for the screen to boot up so I can surf the Net for more updates on the Jessica story. Once I’m in, I scroll through every major newspaper to see if the police have made any progress finding the killer; so far, no joy. They all seem to be running pretty much the same story as earlier. However, theDaily Mailgoes into more detail about Jessica’s background, her bit parts and theatrical achievements. A lump forms in my throat as I study a photo of her aged twelve. Her eyes sparkle with excitement, like she’s got her whole life to look forward to; a life that has now been so cruelly cut short.
Staring into Jessica’s innocent young face has a profound effect on me, gets me thinking about my own life. At twenty-five, Jessica was eleven years younger than me, yet she’d achieved so much. From the numerous anecdotes given by her family and friends, it seems she lived her life to the fullest: travelled the world, starred in numerous plays and in between partied constantly, making the most of her short time on the planet.
As I continue to peruse the different pictures chronicling Jessica’s history, I have a sudden epiphany. I think about my own life and wonder if I died tomorrow, what would my legacy be? Would I go to my grave with regrets about all the things I didn’t do?
And then I get to thinking about Nick: the strength of my feelings for him, how devastating it would be if I ever lost him, and wonder what the hell I’m waiting for. This is the man I love, the man I want to be with forever. Why should we waste time going through the motions before making a serious commitment to each other? Time waits for no man, and life’s too short to delay my future happiness. I’m tired of waiting for things to happen of their own accord; tired of always being sensible and living in fear of taking risks. What if I died tomorrow? Would my time on the planet have been well spent?
And then I get the craziest idea.The craziest, craziest idea ever.
I decide I’m going to ask Nick to marry me.
Closing my laptop, I reach down to my bedside cabinet and pull out the bottom drawer where I keep all my important documents. Sifting through a stack of crumpled paperwork, I quickly find what I’m looking for: a recent letter from my bank confirming they’ve increased my overdraft limit.
I gaze up at the ceiling, jaw tight. I take in a lot of air to calm my racing heart. Am I really planning to blow the last of my money on an engagement ring for Nick? I know it’s a stupid, insane thing to do, but I figure it’ll be worth it if he accepts my marriage proposal. Maybe it’s the Thurlax finally starting to work its magic, I don’t know. All I know is right now, I feel on top of the world. Invincible. It’s time to take a risk and actually startliving. There are no second chances and in a strange way, I see Jessica’s death as the catalyst to a new, dynamic me.
CHAPTER TWELVE
Fate
“What kind of image are you going for?” the make-up girl asks as she blends foundation into my cheek.
“Something to give me a smaller nose,” I chuckle. “And bigger lips and high cheekbones. Sprinkle me with your fairy dust and make me as chiselled as possible.”
She laughs. “Okay, tilt your head back and look at me.” I obey. She chews her bottom lip, focusing intently on my face. “Right … I’m going to show you the power of contouring. That’s what it’s all about. Contouring, contouring. All of the celebrities do it. It’s kind of like a mini-facelift.”
I shut my eyes and let her work her magic. I sigh happily; there’s something so soothing about the gentle brush strokes on my face, moulding and sculpting me into a better version of myself.
It’s Saturday afternoon and I’m sitting at one of the cosmetics counters in John Lewis, having a makeover in preparation for tonight. Nick’s due back from Cambridge today, and the plan is for me to take him out to dinner before making my proposal. I’m determined to look my best; tonight is the night I stake my claim on the man I love.
