Page 60 of Diary of Darkness


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“Can I ask you something else, and only answer if you’re going to be truthful.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Has Alex ever given you money?”

I hesitate before deciding to tell a partial truth. “Yes.”

“How much?”

“He gave me money for…well, he paid for your plane tickets to Germany and for the hotel.”

“Right, okay.” She takes a sip of coffee and stares briefly into the middle distance. Then, putting down her mug, she reaches in her pocket and places a small white box on the sideboard. My eyes widen as I recognise my birth control pills.

“Mum! I can’t believe you went in my bedroom and poked through my things. Do you know how wrong that is? It’s like reading a person’s diary!”

“I’m sorry, Jessica. I’m not proud of what I did, but you left me with little choice. I had to do a bit of snooping to find out what was going on. You’ve changed so much these past couple of weeks I barely recognise you. You’ve gone from hardly ever going out to spending so much time away from home. Then you got yourself all these modelling jobs and now you’ve suddenly got this secret boyfriend. It’s getting hard to keep up. To be honest, I don’t like the changes I’m seeing in you. I just hope you’re being careful.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean I wouldn’t want you to end up pregnant. Not at your age.”

“I’m nineteen years old for goodness’ sake,” I snap. “I’m allowed to have a sex life, and of course, I’m being careful. The proof is in what you stole from my bedroom.”

“Yes,” she concedes, “but nineteen was also the age I got pregnant with you, and I don’t want you throwing your life away by having a baby too young, Jess. Don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

My temper flairs. “You think me and Freddie were mistakes?”

“Of course not. But there’s so much I want you to do with your life before you think of becoming a parent, that’s all. Especially if this thing with Alex is only something casual.”

“Who said it was casual?”

“Is this boy definitely serious about you? The kind of men who sniff around the modelling scene tend to have their fingers in a lot of pies. I’m assuming he’s loaded?”

“Yes, his family has money, but what does that have to do with anything? Are you saying a rich guy wouldn’t be serious about me?”

“I just don’t want you to be left holding the baby if things don’t work out.” She takes another gulp of coffee. “And him buying you all those expensive gifts, spending all that money on you so early in the relationship does ring alarm bells. It’s like he’s trying to buy your affection. Although…” she adds hastily, “please do thank Alex for the plane tickets and the hotel. It was extremely generous of him, and I’ll be forever grateful. Tell him I think he’s very kind.”

“All right, I’ll tell him.”

Cynthia puts down her mug and straightens out her collar. “Now listen, Jess. There’s a lot of things that have happened recently that I’ve turned a blind eye to and choose not to look too closely at because I just don’t have the time or the energy right now. A lot of things that just don’t add up.”

“Such as?”

“Did you really make that £50,000 working as a model? Come on now, tell the truth, this is me you’re talking to. Be honest.”

“Yes, I made it through modelling.” Even as I say it, I can tell she knows I’m lying. I scratched the side of my chin, always a dead giveaway ever since I was a kid. “What makes you think I’m not telling the truth?”

“Lots of things,” Cynthia says. “But mainly just motherly intuition. For one thing, why do you still keep your job at Sloppy Joe’s if modelling pays so much better? You’re telling me you can make £25,000 per photo shoot but you’re happy to still accept minimum wage at the diner? Get out of here. Something smells off.”

Dammit, she’s got me there.“I, um…well isn’t that the sensible thing to do? Modelling is such an unstable career, one minute you have work, the next you don’t, so isn’t it safer to keep my part-time job as something to fall back on?”

She laughs bitterly. “You have an answer for everything. I don’t know what mischief you’re up to, darling, but all I’ll say is this. Whatever you have going on in your personal life, don’t let it get in the way of you taking care of Freddie while I’m gone, okay? I need to know I can completely trust you while I’m in Germany, or else I won’t be able to go.”

“Of course, you can trust me!” I shout, slamming down my coffee. “Mum, I promise you there’s absolutely nothing to worry about. Go to Germany and do what you need to do, everything will be fine here while you’re gone. Freddie always comes first, you know that. Don’t even think about cancelling.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, because I’ve already got enough things to worry about, what with the school sending another letter home about Freddie’s behaviour.”

“What are they complaining about now?”

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