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“I’m fine with whatever,” she said.She brought up the rear and pulled the front door closed behind her.She wore a ravishing red dress tonight, and honestly, Cass would be shocked if she didn’t leave with someone else.Who’d be eating at Burke’s alone, Cass didn’t know.But Lauren deserved to get picked up in that dress, which ruched over her stomach and hips, but lay flat everywhere else.
She worked out a lot, and Lauren had glorious, long, dark hair.She knew how to wear makeup and she knew how to talk to men, and Cass had grown to love and appreciate her more since West had died.And particularly, this summer where she’d been staying with Cass on the island.
She’d run into a bit of trouble with Blake Williams, but Cass thought if he’d just try a little harder, she’d go out with him.She’d talked about him a lot, but it was always, “He’ll have to work some sort of special spell to get me to say yes to another date with him.”
In Cass’s opinion, that was just a defense mechanism Lauren had created so she didn’t have to be hurt.Cass understood that, as she’d compartmentalized as much as possible in the past eighteen months since West’s death.
Cass caught up to Sariah and leaned closer to her.“So.What do you think?”she whispered.
Sariah looked up at her, her eyes full of wariness.Cass’s heart beat erratically for a moment.“I think Conrad is right,” Sariah said.She slowed to a stop, and everyone went ahead of them.
Cass wasn’t sure what Sariah and Conrad had talked about.She folded her arms and waited.
“He’s…not Daddy,” Sariah said.She got moving again, and Cass could only look after her.
Of course Harrison wasn’t West.Why did her children think she was trying to replace their father?That wasn’t what this was about at all.Not even a little bit.
“It’s great that you have Robbie and get to spend time with him every day,” she called after her daughter.Her stomach stormed, and words boiled and bubbled beneath her tongue.“You have your own life, Sariah.I don’t even know where Jane is, as she didn’t check-in with me this morning.She’s out doing whatever she wants, without regard to how I’m feeling.”
Sariah faced her—everyone did.Lauren started toward her, but Cass didn’t want to be silenced.She shook her head, but Lauren kept coming.“Cass,” she said.
“No,” Cass said.“Conrad left right after graduation.With you.You two had each other.Who did I have?”
“You had us,” Lauren said.
Cass looked at her wildly, her chest vibrating in such a strange way.“I don’t understand why my children don’t want me to be happy.Why they think I have to be alone forever now.How they can’t see how very lonely I was in Sweet Water Falls.”Tears fell down her face, and Cass hated this kind of crying.
Sariah stood next to Robbie, who had his arm around her shoulders.He stood in a protective, comforting stance, a look of worry and concern on his face.Couldn’t Cass have that?And if not, why not?
“Cass,” Lauren said again.She touched Cass’s arm.“Let’s go inside for a minute, okay?”
“You guys go without me,” Cass said, and she’d probably be horrified if Harrison had said he wasn’t going to go to dinner with his friends and family but she should.“I don’t feel like going out.I mean, I’m just supposed to stay home by myself from now until forever, right?”
“Mom,” Sariah said.“That’s not what I said.”
“I heard you,” Cass said.“You said he’s not Daddy.Of course he’s not!And why should he be?Your father has been gone for a year and a half!What’s the proper mourning period, Sariah?”
Her daughter shook her head, tears leaking out of her eyes too.
“I deserve to be happy too,” Cass said.She spun on her heel and went back inside, practically wrenching the door off the hinges as she did.Lauren went with her, and she closed the door in a much quieter way than Cass would’ve.
“I’m going to bed,” Cass said, her head held high.She’d had a great time getting ready that evening.Lauren had sat first with her, and then she’d gone upstairs with her friend while she got ready.She’d helped Sariah with her hair, and they’d talked, and now…
Now everything felt bruised and broken.It felt wrong and warped, and Cass could only remember feeling like this—just like this—one other time in her life.
The night West had died.
She marched around the corner and down the hall, Lauren’s heels making noise as she came too.“I don’t want to talk about it,” Cass said.She turned back to face her friend.“My kids think I should lock myself in a tower and neverseeanother male.I don’t understand.”She began to cry again, but she wiped angrily at her face.“I’m not talking about it.I’m not going.I just want to take a bath and forget I thought this might be a nice dinner among adults.”
Lauren nodded.“For the record,” she said quietly.“I think you’re right.Sariah shouldn’t have said anything but the positive.She met him for five seconds.”
Cass wasn’t sure what that had to do with anything.“Does he take some getting used to?”
“Not at all,” Lauren said.“Oh, honey.”She drew Cass into a hug.“Youdodeserve to be happy, and you deserve to feel good about Harrison.He’s a great man.Don’t listen to your children.”
“They’re so loud,” Cass whispered.“They’re in my head all the time.”Allthe time.Every second.Questioning her.Making her feel stupid for moving to South Carolina.For moving her business.For going out with someone new.
What they didn’t understand was that if she didn’t do any of those things, she’d have been swallowed whole by that house in Texas by now.She wouldn’t be herself anymore, and she’d just started to feel normal again.
