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How much pain we both caused each other.
I always assumed my feelings were one sided. Resented Jack for it. Resented him for picking Katie over me.
Turns out I was also to blame.
Shame. I felt ashamed that I had been so young and dumb. Even if I knew it had been good for us to find ourselves.
I held back tears.
Then he cleared his throat. “I never slept with her.”
My head snapped in his direction. “What?”
Air expelled from his chest. “It’s true. She wanted to. A lot, actually. But I couldn’t bring myself to cross that line. Even kissing her felt wrong.”
I rocked away from him, startled by his revelation.
“I think I knew, deep inside, that I could never uncross that line. If I ever did get the chance to confess my feelings to you that you would never forgive me for being with someone who had been so cruel to you when you were younger.”
Immeasurable relief coursed through me. Oxygen refilled my lungs.
I clutched my head in my hands, willing myself not to cry. Not to feel ashamed in my relief. Jack was right, if he had slept with her, I might always wonder, in that small part in the back of my brain, if I was better than her. If he did the same thing with me that he did with her.
Jack’s warm hand rubbed my back. “Please don’t cry, Sprinkles.”
Jack overwhelmed my senses in every way.
I needed to sort through my feelings. But now wasn’t the time.
Jack remained silent, probably waiting for me to say something.
I had to decide what I wanted.
To continue to miss out on having him in my life or to forgive him.
Sometimes it felt easier to just be mad and hurt. But that wasn’t how I wanted to handle things in my life going forward. It was better to work through the challenges than to just give up. No matter how difficult things might be.
We tumbled down the short driveway to the winery.
I needed to steel myself. If I didn’t, I would crumble.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, Whit,” Jack whispered.
I used the large purse in my lap as a shield between us, giving myself some modicum of space. I leaned forward on the edge of the seat as we got closer and closer to our destination.
Jack gave me an odd look, then grabbed my hands again, cupping them with care. “You have to know I’d never do anything that could interfere with your job.”
Before I could help myself, I said, “You’ve held me hostage long enough. It’s time for me to go.”
His face fell in obvious disappointment.
Truth was, I was glad he forced me to listen. My stubbornness had clearly mucked things up enough as it was.
Pulling back my shoulders, I stood up as the shuttle pulled in front of the beautiful stone winery. I tightened my coat around me, hanging my purse in the nook of my arm. I paused in the doorway of the shuttle, then pointed to another seat. “Don’t forget the boxes.”
Chapter 32
Jack
