AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Teagan stomped her feet. “That’s where you’re wrong! Things are right between us.”
“Then what is all that talk about you ‘knowing the score’ between you?” Ryan asked her.
Teagan ignored her brother. She knew he wouldn’t let go of it. He’d always been her protector, and she knew how he still beat himself up about what happened seven years ago.
“You’re just pissed that I don’t share things with you because you’re always judging me. And we all know why, but nobody’s coming right out and says it.”
Shauni stood from her seat and walked over to the kitchen counter where she fixed herself a glass of red wine. Apparently Teagan wasn’t the only one affected by the gloom memories.
Her mother took a sip of her wine, her eyes distant. She took another gulp and said, “Have you ever wished you could turn back time?”
Teagan snorted. “We all know I’ve wanted nothing else for the past seven years.”
Her mother nodded. “I’m so sorry that we’ve let you down, sweetheart. I’ve should have known that—”
Teagan’s eyes burned. She wouldn’t let the tears fall. She’d cried enough over the years. “It’s nobody’s fault, Mom. We were two fourteen-year-olds who thought they were in love and thought they had nothing to worry about.”
She laughed sardonically as she thought back to Joseph and her messing around at the stables. They’d been both so stupid. And look what it had cost her.
Ryan slammed his fist against the screen door before he stormed out of the kitchen. At least she didn’t have to look any longer at the hurt in his eyes.
Her mother pulled her into a hug and said, “We should have kept a closer eye on you. You’re not to blame, sweetheart. You were both so young. And I’m your momma, I should have—”
It was bad enough Teagan still hated herself for getting pregnant at fourteen. She couldn’t also carry the weight of all these feelings of anger, guilt, shame and sorrow from her family on top of her own issues.
“I need to go, Mom. I can’t…”
The memory of her heading out on Amalia, the Anglo-Arab that sunny Thursday morning, still unaware of what horrific hours she would have to endure, grabbed her by her throat.
She gripped the back of the chair in front of her, holding herself up as her knees buckled.
“Shh. It’s okay, sis,” Mae whispered as her hand stroked her back.
“I should have never gone out that day. I should have known…” Teagan’s voice fell flat.
“But you didn’t know, sis. Nobody did…”
Teagan stabbed her tears from her cheek and righted her shoulders. “I should have known that I was pregnant. It wasn’t like I’d never heard about sex at school. I was so fucking stupid.”
Shauni took her in her arms again and said, “Your body hadn’t changed a bit. No one knew about that little baby growing inside of you.”
The memory of finding out she’d once carried a baby inside of her made her sob. She closed her eyes and went back in time, where her horse Amalia hadn’t known what suddenly had gotten into Teagan as she screamed out in pain during her ride. Her menstrual cramps had gotten worse over the prior months, but Teagan had never felt such excruciating pain before.
She’d gotten herself off from Amalia’s back and collapsed in the field. It had been hours later when Ryan had found her unconscious and still bleeding.
She’d overheard Ryan and her parents talking in the hospital, about how Ryan at first thought that some maniac attacked his sister since she’d lain in the grass with bloodstains between her legs.
It was a shock to all of them to find out in the hospital that she’d miscarried a child. She’d been already halfway into her pregnancy without having a clue. And as if that wasn’t traumatizing enough, Teagan knew that Ryan still got flashbacks of finding her in that field.
Teagan hung her head in shame. She shouldn’t be so hard on her brother after losing it today when he saw her with Devlin. She knew she wasn’t the only one carrying some kind of scars of what had happened all those years ago.
“Let me call Errin, sis. You obviously can’t work tonight. You shouldn’t have to keep up appearances and suffer in silence.”
They hadn’t told any of their cousins about this. Partly because she’d felt ashamed, party because her parents told no one outside of their family and she just followed their lead. Teagan shrugged. “It’s what I’ve been doing so far.”
Mae’s reddened eyes spoke volumes. “I’m so sorry, T.”
“It’s nobody’s fault but my own, Mae. Yes, I’ve been a mess for a long time. And I know that I’m still impulsive some times and that everyone is just looking out for me. But it’s too much. I feel like I can’t breathe…. I’ve been doing things to keep everyone happy. Like accountancy, so I can take over the farm with Ryan. I don’t want to do that. I love the farm, but it’s not what I’ve ever wanted to do.”
