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“Best for who? I don’t want to leave you alone to deal with this.” Protective anger coursed through him.
“I’m fine on my own, Luke. It’s what’s best for you and Ethan. I’ll only wreck everything.”
“So you don’t even want to try?” His mouth was dry, his tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth. She couldn’t mean that, could she? He was trying so hard to say all the right things, but apparently that wasn’t enough.
She took a deep, shuddering breath. “We can’t see each other anymore. I can’t do this.” Her face crumpled as she looked at him. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”
Frustration, anger and desperation slammed together, and his jaw tightened like a vise. “How can you stand there and pretend that what we have isn’t worth anything?”
“I’m not pretending that. It’s me who isn’t worth anything. I can’t be everything you deserve.” She hugged herself, arms clutched around her stomach.
“So the fact that I’m in love with you means what, exactly?”
Instead of answering his question, she let out a shuddering sob and then scrubbed her hands over her face. “Please. I need you to go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“I’ll go, Christie, but we’re not done.” He jammed his hands onto his hips. “I mean it. Take some time. Think about it. Because this isn’t over. I’m not walking away from the best thing that’s happened to me in years.” He picked up his coat off the couch, still speaking as he shoved his arms through the sleeves. “I’ll give you some space. But I’m not giving up on this. I don’t give up on the people I love.”
He understood that she only wanted the best for him and his son, and that’s why she was pushing him away. He got that. He just needed to find a way to show her that she was what was best for him, because he knew that like he knew his name.
He slammed the door to his truck and navigated slowly through the snowy streets, back to his parents’ house.
Chapter 11
December 23
“Hey, Mom. It’s me,” said Christie. She pulled the blanket tighter around herself, curling into the corner of the couch. She wiggled her toes in her fuzzy socks, trying to find some measure of comfort.
“Hey there, baby girl. Your daddy and I were just talking about you. Hope you’re not working too hard.”
Her mom’s voice wrapped itself around her heart, and suddenly Christie found herself blinking back tears. She sucked in a deep breath.
“Christie? Honey? What’s wrong?”
“Everything, Mom. God, everything.” She blinked, and two tears cut hot paths down her cheeks. She’d only called because she wanted to hear her mom’s voice, to catch up with her and find out how she and her dad were doing. Instead, she found herself pouring out the entire story of Luke, Ethan, and everything that had happened.
Meeting them in the ER. The parade. Their first date. Spending time with Ethan and Luke’s family. Luke finding out about the pictures.
She realized, as she spoke, that she hadn’t told her parents about Luke because a part of her had always been waiting for this exact scenario to play out.
“I love him, Mom,” she whispered, clutching the phone. “I love him, but I don’t deserve him, and I have to let him go.”
There was a long pause on the other end of the phone before her mother spoke. “You need to stop beating yourself up about those pictures, honey. I know you regret what you did, and I know people said some hurtful things to you, but none of those things are true. We’ve all made mistakes, but most of us are lucky enough to have those mistakes play out in private. The biggest mistake you could make right now would be letting Brian win. Letting the people who said nasty, unkind things about you win. You need to live your life. You deserve to be happy. You’ve suffered enough for what happened.”
Her mother’s words washed over her, and Christie pulled in a slow, deep breath, wanting so badly to believe them. To believe that she could have Luke, and put the past behind her. “What if people here find out? What if it hurts Luke and Ethan?”
“Then you deal with it, if and when it comes to that. From what you told me, it sounds like he’d be by your side, and that’s something worth hanging onto. You are smart and beautiful and kind, and you need to see yourself that way, baby girl. See the truth of who you are.”
She laughed through the tears streaming down her face. “You have to say that. You’re my mother.”
“Use the people who love you as your mirror. Not the people out to cut you down. The reflection they’re showing you is tainted and not worthy of your time.”
She closed her eyes and leaned back against the couch, trying to see herself through Luke’s eyes. Part of the reason she’d never told him about the pictures was because she hadn’t felt like that damaged person around him, and she knew it was because of the way he’d looked at her. The way he’d seen the truth of her, right from the start.
God, how had she lost the truth of herself for so long?
“It might be too late,” she said quietly. “I pushed him away.”
“If he sees you the way I think he does, he’ll be back.”
