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I cleared my throat, dogging the erection begging for attention in my jeans with the firm press of my palm.
It took me twice as long as it should’ve to find anything on Carson Bates. There were the things I expected. His mother’s obituary. Some other easily accessible documents. But nothing useful. No property in his name. No corporations. No medical records. The guy was basically a fucking ghost. Which I guessed I should’ve expected. But it frustrated the absolute fuck out of me all the same.
There was still no fucking sign of him or the Kings and with each day that passed, I knew we were edging closer to him making a move.
“You know, I don’t really agree with Dies peacing out on his kid, but I think he did the right thing not bringing him in.”
“What?”
I pushed away from the desk, wheeling my office chair around to face her.
She waved the letter she was holding in her hand. “Kid was fucked up. Right from the start. Some evil is made, but I think this monster was born rotten. He goes intodetailin this one about how much he hates cats. Like, how he used to trap the ones in his neighborhood and beat and skin—”
I held a hand up to stop her there. I could watch a man be brutalized beyond recognition, but animals? Not a fucking chance. Something about their absolute naivety. Their innocence. Didn’t sit right with me.
“Sorry,” she said in a hush, setting the letter down. “I said I didn’t want to distract you and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Make yourself so uncomfortable. You don’t need to be in here at all if you don’t want to. You don’t owe me anything.”
Someone had to say something. I needed it out in the open. So we could deal with it. So I could see if there was any chance for us or if I needed to lock myself away from her forever. Resigned to being happy for my brothers, but not enjoying her attention myself.
“Wait…what?”
The confusion on her face gave me pause. Her lips twisted.
Then she was shoving all the letters aside. “Come here. I think we need to get something straight.”
I dragged my ass from the chair, not daring to hope as I slid onto the bed across from her. When I caught her looking at my eyepatch, I dropped my head, making my hair fall forward to cover it from her view. My jaw clicking.
She darted forward and grabbed my chin, dragging my gaze back to hers before letting go. “Don’t do that. You don’t have to hide it from me, Grey. I should be made to look at it. If it wasn’t for me, you’d still be whole.”
I snorted. “What?”
“I don’t know what you’re thinking in that big beautiful head of yours, but I’m only uncomfortable because you’ve carved a fucking line between us deeper than Mariana’s Trench.”
What?
“And I get it,” she continued. “I really, really do. It’s my fault and you’re angry with me for it. You could’ve died and you were this golden boy. Fucking perfect down to every last hair and now—”
“I look like a fucking cyclops?”
Her face screwed up and for a second I thought she might hit me. My brain was still playing catch up, trying to figure out what was happening right now, but I couldn’t seem to shut myself up and listen, speaking over her instead.
“…and every time you look at me you’re disgusted and probably filled with guilt even thoughit wasn’t your fault at all. So instead you do your best not to look at me at all. Tell me if I’m warm?”
A deep sadness filled her eyes. “I do feel guilty,” she admitted. “But Grey, you’re still you. You could be missingbotheyes and both your fucking arms and I’d still love you.”
It became clear all at once. Like swiping a hand over a fogged mirror to see the truth reflected back at you in all its startlingrealness.
I was sitting there thinking Ava Jade was disgusted by the sight of me. Wouldn’t ever be able to look at me the same way because of my deformation and the fact that she thought she was the cause of it.
Meanwhile, she was over there, on the other side of the trench between us, thinking I was blaming her. Hating her.
I dropped my head, shaking it, a smile pulling at my lips. A soft laugh on my lips. My fists twisting in the sheets. I hadn’t lost her at all.
