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I did something wrong, and I lost our child.
A new set of tears erupted from my eyes and fear settled inside my whole body. What if I was pregnant now from Landon and I’s night together? I just couldn’t do it. Neither of us could. But I wasn’t going to talk about that with the girls right now. I had unloaded enough on them for one day.
“I should have never discarded Landon the way I did. He was hurting too, I could always see it in his eyes, but I could barely deal with myself, let alone his grief at the same time. Yet, I will regret my actions toward him.” More tears cascaded down my cheeks and my body was so damn tired, I felt as though I may just crumble.
“I never thought I would fall in love and never once thought about having kids. As you said, my role models were awful, they were in fact a complete disgrace. I didn't want to be a bad parent to anyone, like they were to Braxton and me. But when I found out I was pregnant, even though I was scared shitless, peace and love washed through me. I wanted my Hannah so fucking bad.” Snot was pouring out my nose, my eyes hurt, and I couldn’t breathe.
I just wanted my baby back. And her father too.
Before the girls could say anything and I knew they had a lot to say, I heard Landon's broken voice that sounded completely gutted. He must have been standing there long enough to hear a good portion of what I said. When I looked over, tears were dripping down his face and sadness was etched in his beautiful eyes.
“I wish you would have told me how you really felt.”.
ChapterThirteen
LANDON
I couldn’t waitto get back.
After leaving Braxton and Jurnee’s place and arriving at her house, Alley said she needed time alone, then shut herself in her room. So, as much as I didn’t want to leave, I figured it was a good time to go get some stuff. But I didn’t want her alone, so I called Summer and let her know where I was going. With no hesitation at all, she told me that she and Jurnee would be there with her until I got back.
I was shocked when they got there and didn’t yell at me for marrying their friend or start interrogating me for more information. Honestly, I was expecting a good old-fashioned ass whooping. Don’t get me wrong, Jurnee had already duly noted that if I hurt Alley, I would be dealing with her and Summer. I didn’t doubt that for a second, but for now they seemed to be letting us work it out as they supported Alley however she may need.
Another surprise was that the girls showed up without their men, Summer’s dog, or Jurnee’s kids in tow. However, as protective as the guys were about their women, I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the men was parked around a corner somewhere watching the house. It was good they had some alone time because I had a feeling Alley had a lot to tell the girls. My woman kept so much bottled up inside I didn’t know how she’d stayed sane.
Well, she was a bit crazy, but it was the good kind that made her completely unique. And although my parents didn’t think she was ever good enough to be friends with Summer, let alone date their only son, the truth was, she was the one out of my league. Alley was someone you had to get to know, she had to trust you and let you into her world, but once you were there, you never wanted out.
As I grabbed my things, my thoughts drifted to first last night and then this morning. Last night was wild and bits and pieces were slowly coming to light, but some of it was still fuzzy. I know Alley said it was a mistake, but us being back together was anything but. I’d known when she turned eighteen that my feelings for her were changing, but our friendship meant so much to me. By the time she was twenty, I lost the battle of keeping my distance.
Letting her go again wasn’t an option and with that thought, I hauled ass back to her place. As happy as I was to get back to my lady, I walked in to hear something I never expected. I know I should have announced I was right there in the foyer where I could hear the girls talking, but I was stunned by the words coming out of Alley’s mouth. Words I had wished to hear a long time ago and ones that gutted me to the core.
I rubbed my sweaty palms down the sides of my jeans, my chest heavy with the things I ‘d heard and broke into the girl’s conversation unable to hold back any longer, “I wish you would have told me how you really felt.”
Three surprised faces glanced up at me, but my eyes were laser-focused on the black-haired beauty who was looking at me with so much remorse and sadness swimming in her intense blue eyes.
* * *
LANDON
I felt cheated.
Sitting alone on the couch, where I would sleep, I couldn’t help but replay in my head over and over the things I heard Alley say.
After I had walked into the house and made my presence known, Summer and Jurnee had taken Alley to her room. Then, a short time later both had come out to say goodbye before leaving.
My sister had hugged me long and hard, a lot of emotion etched across her face when she had let me know how truly sorry she was that I’d gone through the loss of two very special people, and she was there for me if I needed to talk.
She also informed me that she would be staying at Gyth’s for now but would be back in a heartbeat if Alley or I needed her there. For now, she was giving us some time. Before long she would be living with Gyth permanently and although Alley seemed fine with her friends moving out and onto different lives, inside I had a feeling it hurt too. She’d also said Alley was taking a bath and going to bed.
So lost in my thoughts, by myself, was making me feel a little crazy. So much had happened in just a matter of a month, from Alley being back in my life, and not only that but she was my wife. That blew my mind. Then me quitting my job, Alley’s stalkers, and the girls finding out about my baby girl. But there were two things I hadn’t expected.
I had always thought Alley blamed me solely for the loss of our daughter, so hearing her say it was her fault with such pain and misery lining her voice, was like a dagger to my heart. And then to hear that she felt bad for pushing me away and that she never stopped loving me, just plunged the dagger deeper.
Don’t get me wrong, I wanted her to love me, and I had tried thinking of ways I was going to get that love back because I needed it as much as the air I breathed every day. But it was eating at me that we lost two years together, both of us filled with so much sadness, instead of being there for each other. I didn’t blame her for any of it, she did what she felt she had to in order to get through her sorrow, but I couldn’t stop thewhat if’s.And those damn what ifs were a pain in the ass.
With my head leaned back, eyes closed, I felt my chest rise and fall as I let out a big sigh. My body relaxed just a little until I heard Alley’s voice.
“You okay?” she asked tentatively, as if afraid of what my answer may be.
