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ChapterTwenty
ALLEY
“Spillthe beans girl and don’t leave anything out,” Jurnee said the second our butts landed in our seats.
We had decided to head to the Cheesecake Factory and then hit the mall after. It was a solid
plan. Load up on food, some amazing dessert, which was the real reason I went there to eat, and then go shopping and drop a little cash. I hoped it would do the trick and make me forget everything on my mind for a while.
“That’s okay, feel free to leave some things out,” Summer commented with a horrified look on her face.
Jurnee’s laughter rang out across the whole restaurant and I couldn’t help but join in. If only I had my phone out to take a pic fast enough to capture Summer’s face. That would have given us all a good laugh for some time to come.
Once the giggles slowed down and the scowl Summer had given both of us diminished, I picked up my menu and stuck my nose in it quickly, hoping that would give me a little more time before I had to start talking.
No such luck.
“Nice try, chica. We can order drinks first and then it begins.” This once again came from Jurnee.
Damn, my fairly quiet, sweet friend was being outspoken and bossy. It seemed I was going to have to talk sooner, rather than later, but that was why I had asked them to lunch in the first place.
As I looked over the menu I wondered if it would be too early to have a drink, but then my stomach twisted in knots as a thought struck me.What if I’m pregnant?I still had another week before my cycle was due so it was too early to know, but the thought stole my breath.
When my eyes peeked back over the top of the menu, both girls were looking at me with a matching concerned expression on their beautiful faces. I needed to say something, but no words came out.
Just then, the waitress appeared and asked what we would like to drink and if we had any questions about the menu. We all ordered and when she slipped away from the table, I blurted out what I feared.
“What if I am pregnant?” I said a little too loudly.
The girl’s faces had a shocked expression on them, but I just rambled on.
“I had my chance, and I don’t think I deserve another. What if I can’t keep another child safe if I do ever get pregnant? And yet in Vegas Landon and I were not safe.” Taking in a gulp of air and then releasing it, my body vibrating with worry, I continued. “Landon and I may be married, but we can’t possibly stay that way.”
“Why not?” Summer asked like she honestly didn’t get why not.
“B-Because,” I sputtered but didn’t get anything else out.
Summer put up her hand to stop me and launched into a spiel. “You two have history, loved each other back then and it is clear as day just looking at the two of you now that you still both do.” She gave me a sharp look that warned me not to try and argue with her, took a breath, and carried on. “I know what you told Jurnee and me, and how much losing Hannah hurt you both, but Alley, we want you to be as happy as us, and I know that Landon can do that for you.”
She looked over at Jurnee when she finished, and my eyes followed hers. Jurnee was nodding her head in agreement and then added her two cents.
“We love you, girl. The hurt over losing Hannah will never go away,” she said with tears in her eyes and mine filled too.
I heard Summer sniffle, but my gaze was still glued to Jurnee as she continued to talk.
“But whether you believe it or not, it will get easier if you and Landon work through it together. You have left it all bottled up inside, hiding from it and everyone around you, that you couldn’t move forward.”
When she spoke about me hiding it from everyone I felt like a fool and a heartless bitch. One, I needed my friends and even Landon but didn’t let them in. And two, keeping secrets was not what friends were about. I had just thought it would be easier if I stuffed it down and didn’t make everyone else sad around me. Instead, I probably made myself feel worse by not confiding in them and pushing Landon away.
Jurnee wasn’t done though, and she dug the knife deep on the next part. It hit dead center, right through my heart.
“If you are pregnant or ever have another child it will be okay. What happened was not your fault. It is just something that happens that you or anyone else doesn't have control over. But honey, if it happens, I want you to understand it is not replacing Hannah or taking anything away from your love for her.”
I didn’t have to be looking at Summer to know she was crying, just as tears trickled down both mine and Jurnee’s cheeks as she spoke. I wasn’t sure a restaurant was the best place for this, but I was glad we were in a corner away from too many prying eyes.
“We will both be here for you no matter what happens,” Summer said.
I finally turned my focus toward her, as I gulped, trying to clear the lump that had formed in my throat.
