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“I don’t think you're the first guy to freak at those words. Hey, I even had my moments of doubt, denial, and worry when I first met Summer,” Gyth said. “Then one day I pulled my head out of my ass and knew she would be mine.”
I’d served in the military for years and had been in war zones but hearing the L-word had terror running through me more than anything I’d been through during my time. Gyth telling me that he had his own freak-out moments helped me to feel a little more normal. Especially after witnessing how his relationship with his wife turned out.
“So you see, I should have walked away earlier. I was good at that. But I waited until we shared what we had and then when the most amazing woman I’d ever known fell asleep, I ran like a coward in the middle of the night.”
“We all make mistakes but it seems to me that what you keep forgetting is that sleeping with her wasn’t one of them. She and Luke were never really a couple from what you just said. It was only on paper. And they were getting a divorce.”
Gyth was animated, his hands doing half the talking as he got his point across.
“Leaving without talking to her was probably the only thing you should have done differently. But we don’t always think when tested and put in a place that is uncomfortable to us. Lord knows if you ask any of us guys, we can tell you a story or two as well,” he continued.
I nodded. “Somewhere down inside I know you’re right and I can’t imagine what Brin thought when she woke up and I wasn’t there. But in the end, maybe seeing what a douche I was is the very thing that led her and Luke into giving it a real shot.”
Even if I’d realized I made a mistake and wanted another chance it had been too late.
“Because that’s exactly what they did. I’d gotten calls that they needed to talk to me and I tried to ignore them all. Then one day I went home to visit my family's graves sites and decided to go talk to Brin. Luke was home.”
I rubbed my hands in my hair again. If I had any left by the end of this conversation, I’d be surprised.
“God what a sight they made.” I sucked in a breath as I envisioned it like it was yesterday.
“Standing in their front yard, they hadn’t seen me, but I saw them. They were laughing, hugging, and she was teasing him. I could tell because she swatted at him playfully and then she turned so I could see her better. That’s when I saw her round belly. They’d finally made a life and a family. No way was I going to crash that party.”
With the picture of them in my head again, an invisible knife felt as if it had been plunged into my chest. My breathing was a little rapid and the headache was on its way to a ten, and about to slit my head open. But I was almost done.
“Once again I left and I didn’t go back. That was until Luke’s funeral.”
Gyth squinted his eyes and studied me for a second with a puzzled glance.
“Brin said his best friend didn’t make it. At the time I didn’t know it was you, but you were there?”
“I stayed in the shadows. Honestly, I didn’t think she’d want me there and I wasn’t doing well knowing I hadn’t been there for Luke. Which sounds like an asshole thing to say when I wasn’t there for Brinley either.”
Rubbing my hands down my face, I couldn’t help but be glad this conversation was almost over. It wasn't easy at all.
“My head was in a bad place. I would have done more harm than good. And that was the case later too.”
“How so?” Braxton asked, leaning forward. “I’m sure she would have forgiven you and been happy to have you there while raising Zander.”
Another direct hit. It was like a game of Battleship and all my ships were sinking as more memories slammed into me.
“I’d lost some guys I served with, fucked up with Brinley, lost my mother, and then Luke. All while never forgiving myself for causing my sister’s death. When I say I was in a dark place, I mean it was pitch black, and I didn’t know that I wanted to be living anymore.”
“I’m sorry, man. I shouldn’t have just pushed—”
I put my hand up to stop Braxton. He didn’t do anything wrong and he should have known more about me before hiring me in the first place. That too was on me for not being more straight with him.
“It’s okay. It took me a while to dig myself out of that. And truthfully, I don’t know how I did. When I met you and you told me you had a place for me here if I wanted it, I think it gave me some new direction and I could start a new life. I hope knowing that at one point I wanted to end mine, doesn't change your mind about me being able to handle this job.”
“I know you can handle it. We’re good,” Braxton said.
“And now that you know all the other shit, do you want me to leave?”
It was a question for them both, but it was Gyth I looked at for an answer because he was the one that had been closer to Luke than Braxton had been, and also who Brinley came seeking help from.
“You knew Luke better than I did,” Gyth started. “But I knew him well enough to know that he wouldn’t be mad at you and he’d want you around to help Brinley and Zander out.”
When he said that, an odd look crossed his face just as it had back in his yard the day Brinley showed up and I wondered what that was all about, but he kept talking so I didn’t ask.
