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My heart seizedin my chest.
I stood watching Embry corral all the kids, ruling them with the authority of the eldest of the group. At almost seven–a very mature one at that–she was used to taking charge, getting her way, and also wrapping everyone who met her around her little finger as she went. And while she may run the show more times than not, she was also a loving, sensitive, beautiful soul. As well as, funny as heck.
She reminded me of another little girl, in another time and place. A girl who stole my heart the minute she was born and broke it the second we’d laid her to rest. Every time I thought about her I felt broken all over again as if it was thrown back in time to that devastating day.
The day I lost my baby sister.
Lost in my grief, I turned away from the kids playing and tilted my head back as I let the sun wash over me and wished away the despair that always crept in when I thought of the tragedy that took her too soon.
One that was my fault.
It was what always held me back from becoming too close to anyone, never allowing me to invest my heart for fear I would lose someone special again. Or hurt someone innocent. So I kept people at arm's length most of the time. Only a few people had managed to sink themselves a little deeper into my world than any others. And while I always thought I was protecting them while I did myself at the same time, I was sure I’d hurt us all.
I was lost in the past when a tingle raced down my spine and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. My instincts screamed at me to turn around and my breath caught in my throat when I did.
At first glance, I thought my eyes must have been playing tricks on me when they landed on the woman who’d just walked into the party. But Brinley was there in the flesh. I always noticed her since the first time I laid eyes on her and could feel her presence whenever she was around. Even when I worked my ass off to push away the feelings she provoked in me.
I craved to be close to her.
Which was why I should stay far away.
My gaze took in every one of her features and my pulse raced. Brinley was beautiful, always had been, but seeing her all grown up with her son felt different and made me long for something I could never have.
While I may not have been around the little guy growing up, I knew it was Zander the moment I saw them together because of his age and the fact he was the splitting image of his mother.
My feet moved without thought, even after I had just reasoned with myself to not go near her. However, when I reached her, the exchange didn’t go so well. I’d soon found myself racing after Brinley and her son toward the front of the house, desperately hoping she would talk to me.
Brinley was stubborn and she wasn’t giving up much. The few things she chose to say felt like a knife had plunged through my chest. Though, the little guy had no problem rambling on about things his mother was trying to keep from me.
But she had sought out Gyth?
When she’d headed into the house with her son and Summer, leaving me standing there with the man in question, I knew he was going to drill me for answers. I could handle the scowl or worried look on his face, but it was the protective tone when he spoke that got me fired up.
“Mind explaining to me what is going on between you and Brinley?”
Mind? Yes, I minded. Because even though I didn't know how to answer that question, what I realized at that moment was that I wanted to be the one to protect her, not anyone else, and it pissed me off that Gyth was trying to do it.
I also realized Brin didn’t want me to protect her or most likely even be around.
When Luke died I thought she and her son were better off without me. I’d been absent for multiple years, hiding from my feelings. It was what I did. I ran.
I never stayed around and I made every attempt not to risk my heart.
Besides, I felt guilty for not being there for my friends. Not just after my best friend died, but before too. The two people I’d allowed to get closer to me than anyone except my mother, I avoided most of the time once I had left for the military.
Two of the best people I knew, who deserved to be happy, and therefore deserved one another.
But that didn’t mean it didn’t kill me deep down that it actually had happened.
At one time I’d broken down and just once I had let myself believe I could have more. That I could even give more. Then I did what I always had and turned tail and ran. Before I had got my head on straight, it was too late.
Running into Brinley had brought a lot of old wounds to the surface. I may not have known the story yet behind how Gyth knew Luke, but the fact remained he obviously had been in Luke’s life and Brinley’s too.
And I hadn’t.
Having not answered Gyth’s question, he growled like the big bear of a man he was and when I looked at him, his scowl grew.
“I don’t want to talk about it!” I snapped. “I think that’s between Brin and me,” I added through gritted teeth. I knew I was acting like an ass but the truth of it was, I didn’t know anything right then except I had a thousand feelings whirling inside me.
