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I reached over and softly brushed my finger over the tattoo that honored Jelena’s memory. Rowan shuddered at my touch and his eyes filled with even more sadness, tugging at my already aching heart. Having lost Luke I could understand, but for Rowan, it was not only about losing his sister, but about wrongfully blaming himself too.
“We’ll stay,” I told him. “So we’ll have more time to talk, but for now maybe I should getourson back to bed?” A huge yawn escaped me. I was officially drained.
“For the record,” Rowan replied, “I didn’t want kids. But that’s changed.”
My breath hitched. I could only hope he meant what he said and that he would still feel that way as he got to know his son. If he walked away again it would devastate both Zander and me.
Please stay this time…
“I’ll carry him,” Rowan said, interrupting my thoughts as he stood and picked Zander up, cradling him in his strong arms.
My knees weakened at the sight.
Heart in my throat, I followed suit and we walked toward the door.
It felt odd to be leaving now when there was probably more we could talk about and say, but I could see Rowan was as emotionally spent as I was and there would be more time.
We walked back to my place in silence and he placed Zander on my bed. My heart wasn’t prepared when he leaned down and kissed our son’s forehead before whispering, “I’ll keep my promise.”
I had to get Rowan out of here before I completely broke down.
At the door, he turned to me before leaving. “Thank you.”
I asked him for what.
“For calling himourson and giving me a chance to be his father.” Then, like he’d done many times before, he walked away.
Only this time I knew he’d be back.
ChapterSeventeen
ROWAN
I had a lot to process.
More than I knew what to do with.
And though I needed some time alone to do just that, the second I closed my door after returning to my place, everything in me wanted Brinley and our son back by my side.
Never in my life did I think I deserved to be completely happy.
I also didn’t know I truly wanted a family.
Until now.
ChapterEighteen
BRINLEY
So much had changedover the past month.
Even though Rowan had been working a lot, he’d still managed to spend quality time with his son. Watching them get to know each other and witnessing their similarities was a revelation. They liked so many of the same foods, some of their mannerisms were identical, and they had loads of fun together.
It might be because Rowan was a big kid?
However, even during the playful moments I caught glimpses of the sorrow shining in his eyes and could tell he was thinking about his sister while playing with Zander. He might have masked it for our son’s sake, but I knew Rowan well enough and had seen that look so many times in the past. So, I wasn’t oblivious to the fact there were still many hurdles to get over.
And it wasn’t just what we needed to work on together so we could be good parents to our son, but also our personal hang ups that shaped how we proceeded through life. There were a lot of feelings to sift through from our past that we still hadn’t fully dealt with.
