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I heard several intakes of breaths and had a feeling Brinley was reeling from the statement like I was, but I couldn’t look at anyone but my son right then.
The first night I’d looked into his gaze and sensed that I was missing something important… something familiar. I’d realized later it was his eyes. They looked likemine. How I missed that the second I saw him when he and Brinley arrived at Gyth’s, I don’t know. I think it was because in my head he looked so much like his mother and I also thought he was Luke’s.
But looking at him as we played on the bumper boats and he shouted with glee, the excitement as he dropped the ball into a hole at mini-golf, and now staring at me with a happy but puzzled expression on his face, I saw something else.
My baby sister.
In my son, I saw Jelena.
Zander’s expressions were so much like hers in joy, sadness, and confusion. And they were both very dramatic. I shook my head slightly to clear my mind because it pained me to think he would never get to meet his aunt who I know he would have adored.
And who would’ve adored him in return.
“I know, I know,” Embry chanted as she ran up to Zander and cupped her hand around his ear and whispered.
A huge smile lit up his face and he nodded his head in confirmation. When Embry moved back, Zander closed his eyes and his little lips mumbled something so quietly nobody could hear, but Embry giggled, clearly knowing what the wish was and her own smile beamed bright.
Then my son’s eyes popped open and he leaned over and blew out his five candles. Everyone clapped and cheered, but Zander looked at his mom and then to me curiously.
“Uh, oh,” Brinley whispered from beside me.
“What? Is something wrong?” I asked, turning toward her.
Her gaze left Zanders and caught mine. “I think I know what he just wished for with a little nudge from Embry.”
Brinley’s face was a light shade of pink as though she was embarrassed, but her eyes held a hint of worry. I wasn’t sure what I had missed. I turned back to our son and Embry was whispering something else in his ear and it got another nod out of him.
Embry’s mom Jurnee walked over and told her daughter it wasn’t nice to tell secrets and maybe she should share with everyone in the room.
Zander’s face turned to worry, but Embry had it handled. “I can’t, then his wish won’t come true, Mom. Let’s cut the cake.”
When the other kids cheered and crowded around them, Embry smiled in triumph. Smarty-pants knew exactly what she was doing when she suggested eating cake. Jurnee rolled her eyes at her daughter and gave her a knowing look, but let it go and started serving the kids.
Soon everyone had a piece and was enjoying the sugary treat with a scoop of ice cream to top it off. The kids would likely be bouncing off the walls for a while and then crash hard later. But when I heard the soft moan that vibrated in my ear, I knew sleep wouldn’t come for me for a very long time. When I turned to see Brinley licking her spoon, her eyes half closed, delight written across her face, my pulse picked up speed.
Averting my gaze, I tried to think of something that would throw cold water on the fire burning inside me before I had to leave the room.
I’d managed to get myself under control just as Dexter walked up to Zander and asked him to open his present first. There was a whole table of gifts but I was astonished to realize that Zander hadn’t even paid them any attention.
“Why don’t we move closer to the gift table and everyone can gather around it while Zander opens his birthday presents?” Summer said.
All the kids moved that way and the adults too, but Zander stayed in his seat, staring at the table.
“Hey, Buddy, don’t you want to open those?” I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze, nodding toward the table of gifts.
A tear slid down his cheek and Brinley rushed to his other side, squatting down next to him. “Baby, why are you upset?”
He was worrying me when he didn’t speak at first. Then in a small voice he whispered, “I never had a party and so many people get me gifts before.” A couple more tears trickled down his face.
I wanted to kick myself repeatedly for what Zander had missed out on. I had been upset about the five years I had missed, but what about my son?
Fuck.
Brinley looked up at me and then back at Zander. “You have that now and everyone wants you to open what they brought you. Do you want to do that?”
He nodded as Dexter rushed back over. “Yes, I want to open them.”
“Come on, you’re going to love what I got you,” Dexter told him.
