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He smiled., “I asked if you could walk while I carry Zander or do you want me to come back and get you?”
Oh Lord, I was not letting him carry me.
“I can get in by myself.”
“Maybe next time then.” He winked before getting out and rounding the truck to grab our son.
Was Rowan flirting with me?
Abort. Abort.
I needed to stop thinking about how cute that was and wishing for more. What we needed to concentrate on was just parenting Zander and letting Rowan get to know him more. And while we were doing that together, we weren’t a couple.
We never had been.
And we never would be.
I best remember that so I didn’t find myself disappointed at some point, because I had been there enough times in my life where he and I were concerned. In truth, I was struggling. One second I wanted to take a flying leap and see what happened if I flirted back, and the next I wanted to take a play out of Rowan’s book and run away.
Instead, I pretended nothing was going on and followed them inside. When we entered I watched Rowan carry Zander to the spare bedroom where he’d started sleeping, instead of with me, and my heart did a flip flop at the sight of the two of them. We had another surprise for him, hidden behind door number three that had been shut up, but it looked like that would have to wait until he woke up.
Coming into the room behind them, I told Rowan I would get Zander changed for bed and pulled Pajamas out of his drawer.
“I’m just going to go start bringing his gifts up while you do that.”
“Crap, I forgot about those. I could have grabbed a few and brought them with me.”
“You were still half asleep. I got them.” He walked out of the room.
After getting Zander settled and back to sleep, snug as a bug in a rug, in the Army blanket that Rowan had bought him a week ago, I went to my room to change too. That blanket went almost everywhere with him and he loved it. Throwing on a pair of sleep pants and a tank top, I padded out to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Looking around the room, I frowned. Where could Rowan be? He would have to make a couple of trips and should be back by now with the first. I grabbed my cell phone out of my purse that I had hung on the hook by the door when we walked in and checked it to see if there was a text. Maybe he had to go to his place or something happened?
There was nothing.
I paced around the room waiting for him to return and finally he entered, a load of gifts in his hands and a storm brewing in his eyes.
When I said you could see his mood in his inky globes, I was right. And right then Rowan looked beyond pissed off, but also a dose of worry shined in them too.
Walking over to him to take some of the presents from his hand, I asked, “What happened?”
Setting the items on the table for now so we didn’t wake Zander, I noticed his free hands clenched into fists at his side. I was thoroughly confused and wondered if I had done or said something wrong. I racked my brain to think about what we may have said to one another in front of the truck to the house twenty minutes or so before. Truth was, I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but it had to have been at least that.
“Did I do something wrong?”
And his eyes changed again. Remorse glistened in them.
“Brin, it’s not you, I’m sorry to have made you think that.” He took a deep breath and rubbed his face. “Some stuff happened that I believe has to do with work and I need to go talk to Braxton,” he said. “I’m gonna grab the other stuff first really quickly before I go.”
Disappointment struck me hard. I shouldn’t have thought he would be sticking around but hearing him say he was leaving I knew that deep down it was what I’d been hoping for. And again, I realized how messed up I was with my push and pull of emotions when it came to him.
“If you have to, I understand,” I said quietly, my eyes cast toward the floor.
Rowan sighed and walked closer to me so he was mere inches away. His warm hand went under my chin, tilted my head back so I could meet his gaze, and then he slid his palm around the back of my neck.
I sucked in a breath at his touch. He hadn’t touched me so sweetly, and intimately since the night we created our son. It was the one time, for a short moment, that Rowan let his guard down and let himself go. He’d allowed himself to just feel.
Why now? What was going on?
