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“Yes, Mama—”
“You call himhoneybee?” Tadek said, incredulous and delighted. He was at the kitchen table still, taking care of some of Mama’s mending.
“Yes,” Evemer said flatly. “What of it?”
“It’s adorable.”
“Kind of you to say so,” Evemer snapped, already turning back to the stairs. “I’m busy.”
“Evemer Hoskadem, we don’t speak to guests that way in this house,” Mama said darkly.
Evemer closed his eyes and mentally snarled. He was torn in three directions and he did not have time for this. Maintain his pride against Tadek’s jibes, obey his mother, or follow his lord? He could pick two, maximum.
“Of course, Mama,” he said. “Myapologies,Armsman Hasira. Now if you’ll excuse—”
“You don’t sound very sorry, honeybee,” Tadek sniffed, and Evemer really would have dragged him out to the garden to strangle him in the rosebushes if there hadn’t been more important matters.
“If you will both excuse me,” Evemer said, and left.
Kadou had jammed himself into the corner of the bed by the headboard and the wall, all curled up tight, and had Evemer’s hand-copiedTen Pillarsopen again on his knees, a few inches from his face. He was reading—or at least staring at the pages—with an intensely focused expression, as if he could block out everything else if he could just fill his eyes with the ink and paper instead.
“Highness,” said Evemer.
“Stupid idea, closing the harbors. She was right.”
Evemer sat on the end of the bed without waiting for an invitation. Why should he? It washisbed, technically. He didn’t live here anymore but for one day a week, but it was his. “Mama is bringing you lunch.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“My lord.”
Kadou shut the book with a snap and set it aside, the tight-knotted bundle of his limbs loosening. “I hate this,” he said.
“I’m sorry my house is disappointing,” Evemer said evenly, hoping Kadou read it as he meant it, as a joke.
“It’s not the—it’s a lovely house, your mother is very generous—”
“I know. What do you hate?”
“Being trapped here. Not being able to—todoanything.” He dropped his head back against the wall. Evemer chose not to stare at the inviting column of his throat. “I want to help. I want to do something. And I have to justsit here.” He sat up sharply and snatched the crumpled letter from the nightstand, tearing it to pieces. “Because if I move at all, I ruin everything,” he said furiously. “If I try to use my power at all, it just hurts more people than it helps. I shouldn’t have told her anything until I was sure. I knew she’d react like that.”
“I imagine it was a shock to her. She is already tired and strained. She is afraid. But she will listen, given time. Her Majesty is fair and just.”
“Yes,” Kadou said. “ButZelihaisn’t, always.” He flung the shreds of paper to the floor—the violent, ferocious gesture was foiled by the shreds fluttering gently in the air as they fell. “I want todosomething. But I just sit here and twiddle my thumbs and wait for Eozena to decide that the rest of the kahyalar are trustworthy, so that then I can continue twiddling my thumbs while they handle things themselves. Evemer.” Kadou turned a burning gaze on him. “Evemer, what is the point of me?”
He was achingly beautiful like this, his long black hair all tousled from flinging himself about in frustration, the color high in his cheeks, his eyes bright and fierce. “My lord,” Evemer managed, barely.
“Answer. What is the point of me? What reason is there for me to be here, instead of retiring to Sirya and being a minor landholder like my father? He used to help bring in the harvest every year, you know. He carried baskets of fruit and helped thresh wheat and take the comb from the beehives, and he lent his horses for the cider-pressing, and—I could do that.” He looked down at his hands, flexed them. “I just want problems I cantouch. I can’t touch anything. That’s my whole life: Everyone telling meKadou, don’t touch. Don’t touch that, Kadou, you’ll ruin it if you’re not careful, you’ll break it, don’t touch it.”
Evemer wanted to lean forward and take his hands, kiss his palms and the inside of his wrists, just to feel a little of the weight of him in Evemer’s hands again. He wanted to press his forehead to the backs of Kadou’s hands and swear that he would fix everything—he’d go out and hunt down Sylvia and Azuta Melachrinos himself if he had to—
There was a tap on the door. Tadek let himself in with the lunch tray, and the moment was spoiled.
Kadou surrendered to his kahyalar’s coaxing and ate a little, and very much begrudged the fact that it brought him down from his tirade. “I suppose you’ll be happy if I’m good and quiet and I stay here like Eozena said,” he said, after the lunch things had been cleared away.
“Yes, my lord.”
Kadou closed his eyes, nodded. “All right,” he said softly. He wasn’t going to be able to be gracious about it, not when the walls seemed to press in on him—too many people in the house, not enough space or fresh air. The kahyalar wouldn’t even want him to go too near the windows or step outside for a little sunshine. “I’d like to be alone for a little while.”
