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Ah. Of course that was all Evemer would say. It was frequently all that he said. What else, really, was there that could be said.
“I,” Evemer continued, to Kadou’s surprise, “do not . . . go often out of my way to disclose my thoughts.” It sounded like he was dragging the words out through sheer doggedness. “My lord bid me once to speak what I meant, and I have been trying to do so. It goes against my . . . my habit, at least, if not my nature. Yet I have tried.”
“I know,” Kadou whispered. “I know you have, I’ve seen it. I know. You’ve been doing it—you’ve been doing so well. It’s so much easier to understand you—”
“And it is all for nothing if you won’tlistento me,” said Evemer sharply. “What is the point of speaking if you don’t at least do me that courtesy? You do not need to believe everything I say merely because I say it, but it is an insult to me that you will not accept thatIbelieve what I say, and that I am saying it for a reason—namely, that I wish you toknowthe things I believe.” There was a beat of astonished silence. “I amglad to be alive,” Evemer said relentlessly. “I am glad to have a lord who loves me enough that he would go to such lengths to protect me—not merely honored, mind you, but glad. Ecstatic. Delighted.” His voice as he said these was hard, a little sarcastic, but not angry. He added, very firm, a line in the sand that could not be debated or denied: “I am glad that lord isyou,Kadou Mahisti.”
“Oh,” Kadou said in a small voice.
After another few moments of silence, during which time the only noise was the too-loud sound of their unsteady breaths, Evemer added with a subtle thread of amused exasperation, “Now you say,I’m also glad you’re not dead, Evemer.”
That caught him by surprise—he laughed aloud.
The laugh too rather startled him, both the sudden bright sound of his own voice ringing through the empty stone room and the sudden break of tension and fear and guilt. Without allowing himself to think about it, he moved forward and buried his face in Evemer’s chest, pulling his arms free from Evemer’s gentle hold so he could wrap them around Evemer’s waist and hug him tight. “I’m glad you’re not dead,” he said. The truth of it cut the momentary sweetness of the laughter and brought a lump to his throat. His voice, when he spoke again, was rough and thick. “Gods, I’mso gladyou’re not dead.”
Evemer’s hands slid around his shoulders and across his back, enveloping him in strength and warmth and security. He felt Evemer tip his head down enough to press the bottom of his face to Kadou’s hair—not quite a kiss, but . . . close to it.
Kadou’s heart skipped several beats and his mouth went dry. He swallowed. “I’ll listen to you,” he whispered. “I’ll listen now, I promise.”
“Prove it. What did I say, a moment ago?”
Kadou again swallowed hard and wished he could do something like pull back from the embrace and recover a scrap of dignity, but—well, there was a wall behind him. That was a good enough excuse not to move. “A lot of things.”
“What is the gist of them?”
“That you’re . . . not angry with me.”
Evemer made an unimpressed noise.
Kadou’s breath caught on another half laugh, and he looked up reflexively—it was too dark to see Evemer’s face, but he wanted to, wanted to see the expression that went with that noise.
It was only then that he realized how close it brought their faces.
His heart tripped in his chest, and he felt Evemer’s breathing stutter, which made it trip several more times in succession as an absolute flock of butterflies erupted in his stomach.
“Try again,” Evemer said. His voice was low, husky. Kadou could feel the deep vibration of it rumbling against his chest.
“Try what again?” he whispered, feeling a little faint and mostly wanting Evemer to talk more so he could . . . feel. That.
“Proving that you’re listening.”
He could feel Evemer’s breath—they were close. They were incredibly close. If there had been a scrap of light, he could have seen how close Evemer’s face was. How close his mouth was. “You’re—” His voice cracked. He trembled, felt Evemer’s arms tighten around him. “You’re—the—the opposite of angry.”
“That’ll do,” Evemer said, and kissed him.
Kadou exhaled sharply, kissed back as Evemer’s arm tightened again around his waist, as his other hand slid into Kadou’s hair and cupped the back of his head, as Evemer pressed him against the wall.
Evemer broke off far, far too soon.
Kadou’s breath was unsteady—he was almost panting, as if there were no air in the room but what was in Evemer’s mouth. His mind was foggy, and he couldn’t manage coherent thought, but it was an inarguable fact that Evemer was absolutely, definitely allowed tostop kissing himif he felt like it. That was the only certainty Kadou could currently put his hands on, and he clung to it as hard as he could and did not yank Evemer back to him.
Evemer rested his forehead against Kadou’s temple, murmuring against Kadou’s cheek and ear, “Once more.”
Kadou made some noise halfway between a laugh and a wild keen of desperation. His skin was buzzing. His hands were clutching fistfuls of the front of Evemer’s kaftan.
“Once more,” Evemer said again.
“I,” said Kadou. “I, ah . . . Remind me? In small words?”
