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“Well, I thought about that, and about what you said.” Tadek went back to the jewelry box—probably just to have something to occupy his hands with, Kadou thought. “And I decided that if anything is a sin against yourself, it’s thinking that you’re only good for one use. That there’s only onethingthat makes you valuable.”
“I agree,” Kadou said.
“I don’t want to die an armsman. I don’t want to just be forgotten. I want to make a difference to someone. I want to do something that matters.” Tadek shot him a sidelong smile. “That’s scary. It feels like a risk, because if I care about something, if Iwantsomething, then when I don’t get it I’ll be disappointed. But the alternative is living the rest of my life knowing that if I don’t even try, then I really am a useless person, and I don’t think I’d be able to sleep at night.”
“I really, really know what you mean,” Kadou said quietly, looking up at him. Tadek gave him another smile—softer, sadder. “I’ll wear the padparadschas if you think they’re prettiest.”
Tadek’s smile warmed, and he handed them over. Kadou put them in. “At least there are ways for you to be useful just by existing. You’d hate it and you’d be unhappy, but you could let Her Majesty move you around like a political piece—that would be useful. Do you think she’s going to find you someone to marry?”
“Eventually.” Kadou shrugged.
“Hmm.” Tadek poked through the jewel box again. “Rings, or necklace?”
“As you said, it’s just breakfast.”
“Humor me,” Tadek said mildly. “How often do I get to dress you up pretty? If it’s too much, you can take some of it off again.” He handed Kadou a few rings—gold bands etched with intricate patterns, and one with an amber cabochon inscribed with a knotted sea serpent on the underside of the jewel. “Do you know who she’ll negotiate with?” Tadek paused and asked curiously, “Would she make you marry a woman?”
“Depends, I suppose. She’s got her own heir, so that’s the dynasty secured, and there’s no need for me to worry about having to personally contribute to it. Her Majesty knows my preferences, but if she’s negotiating with a foreign state that needs a husband for their crown princess and no one but a Mahisti will do, then . . .” He shrugged again. “Politics might end up outweighing preferences.” If he’d been born anyone else in the entire kingdom, he almost certainly would have married for love. At least, the traditional wedding vows were written as if that was the assumed motivation. The acquisition of heirs was of course a separate matter entirely—like Siranos, he would have no claim on children unless it was deliberately granted to him.
Tadek draped a long silver chain and a smooth labradorite pendant around Kadou’s neck. “Would you mind it?”
“Being married to a woman? I wouldn’t behappywith it, but I wouldn’t mind, no, as long as I thought we could at least be friends. If it was a choice between her or her brother . . .”
“You’d snap up the brother without a second’s hesitation, yes.” Tadek studied him again, humming thoughtfully under his breath. “No, you’re right, it’s too much. Take off the necklace and all but one of the rings. Anyway—the brother, yes. Although . . .” He looked speculatively off into the middle distance. “If it’s only the cock that’s the issue, you could just buy a—” Kadou burst out laughing, and Tadek turned away, a smaller but much more sincere smile on his face. “I wasn’t sure if that sort of joke was going to be overfamiliar,” he said when Kadou had handed back all the discarded jewels. “Considering the circumstances.”
“No one else makes jokes like that to me.”
“Evemer certainly doesn’t,” Tadek murmured.
“I’d probably faint if he did,” he said, half laughing and feeling the sting of heat in his cheeks just at the thought. “Or if anyone else did, really.”
Tadek nodded. “I’m sorry, by the way. Forthatpart of what I said yesterday. About him. I was upset.”
“Forgiven.”
“You shouldn’t forgive me so easily.”
“I’m going to anyway.”
Tadek gave him another sad smile. Kadou returned it, and something in the room seemed to ease and settle, like the exhalation of relief after a long-held breath.
You look nice today,” Zeliha said, all solicitous, when Kadou met her in her rooms. Siranos was there as well, already waiting at the table with a cup of coffee.
“Not like a horsemonger?” he said, unable to resist the temptation to sarcasm.
She looked a little guilty at that, said, “Here, do you want to hold a baby?” and shoved Eyne into his arms.
This worked fairly well as a distraction—and even better when he looked down at her and was met with the biggest, shiniest grin he had ever seen on an infant. “Ohgods,when did she start doing that?”
“Couple days ago,” Siranos said.
Zeliha nodded solemnly. “It’s brutal, isn’t it?”
“She can have anything she wants. What do you want, child?” he said, walking off with her to the breakfast table with no attention at all to spare for Zeliha or Siranos. She wasbeautiful,and she washisniece. He was suddenly and marvelously proud of her. Was it foolish to be proud of her just for learning how to smile? He didn’t care. He was certain she was better at it than anyone else in the world—that was reason enough to be proud of her. “Name your heart’s desire. Anything, as long as you keep smiling like that.”
“So I’m going to have to be the stern one, is that it?” Zeliha said wryly. “We can’tbothspoil her, Uncle Kadou.”
“I’m not speaking to you,” he said loftily. “You called me a horsemonger.”
