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“And if that isn’t enough? Because I can guarantee that it won’t be.”
“It’ll have to be.” A chilling breeze had swept in through the open window. Val shivered. Casey draped the quilt over her bare shoulders. “I was hoping you’d want to find him, too.”
She shook her head, a lock of hair tumbling over her face. “I can’t handle wanting to find him. When I gave him up, I fell into a black hole. I crawled out once. But I’m not strong enough to do it over again.”
“You were alone, Val. This time we’d be together.”
“And what if we find out that something’s gone wrong? As long as I don’t know, I can imagine him in this happy, perfect world. But what if he’s being mistreated? What if he’s sick, or even dead because I gave him up—and there’s nothing we can do?” The words felt as if they were being ripped from her throat.
“Don’t punish yourself,” he said. “It’s long past time for that. Whatever we find, we’ll deal with it together.”
“You keep sayingwe.But I can’t do this, Casey. I won’t. If your investigator finds him, or learns anything about him, I don’t want to hear it. This was your idea, and maybe I can’t stop you. But count me out. You’re in this alone.”
“Blast it, Val—”
“No, I can’t face the thought of finding our son and having to turn away again. I wish you’d give it up. But if you have to do this, promise you won’t share it with me.Promise.”
He exhaled, his muscular shoulders sagging. “All right. For now. But if you change your mind—”
“I won’t.” She lay down again, turning away and pulling the covers to her chin.
“Do you want me to leave?”
“No.” Val blinked away tears. “I want you to stay. I need you to stay. But let’s pretend we never had this conversation.”
“All right.” He stretched out on his back and lay still. She could hear him breathing in the darkness. “I love you, Val,” he said.
She sighed and nestled against him. “And I love you. But why does love have to be so damn complicated?”
* * *
The next morning, before first light, Tess loaded Whirlwind into the small trailer for the drive. Ordinarily, Ruben or Pedro would have gone with her. But they were taking four bulls to a rodeo in Bisbee with the big trailer. It was never a bad idea to take an extra driver. But Tess didn’t mind going alone. Cave Creek was barely three hours away. Arriving early would give Whirlwind eight hours to rest in his pen before the first night of the weekend event, when he was scheduled to buck.
By now the silver bull was accustomed to these outings. He trotted up the ramp and into the trailer with no prodding. Hand raised and pampered by Lexie, he was a model of perfect bull behavior. But with a cowboy on his back, he was dynamite in the arena, racking up enough points to put him in the top ten buckers in the PBR. Tess had lost track of the offers she’d had to buy him. She knew she was taking a gamble, turning down big money for an animal that could become sick or injured, or even die, leaving the ranch with nothing. But Whirlwind was family. And if luck held, after he retired, his stud fees could keep the ranch solvent.
If I can keep the ranch out of Brock’s hands that long.
She’d be seeing Brock at Cave Creek. Unless she changed her mind before then, which wasn’t likely, they’d be sealing the deal for the black bull. After the delivery, she hoped she’d be through with Brock for a while. When she was with the man, it was always a battle for dominance. Standing up to him tended to leave her quivering and exhausted. But she wouldn’t let him win—or even think that he could.
After latching the inside gate and raising the trailer ramp, she climbed into the cab and started up the road to the pass. Once they started moving, Whirlwind would probably lie down for the duration of the drive. Reclining was more comfortable and easier on his legs than trying to keep his balance in a bumping trailer. After they reached the asphalt, the bull might even go to sleep.
By the time the laboring truck reached the top of the pass, the sky was paling in the east. Shadows stole across the desert, shrinking as the rim of the sun rose above the rocky peaks.
Tess loved this time of day, when the night creatures melted into hiding and the morning birds burst into song. As she drove down the long, easy slope, she opened the side window to hear their calls and to feel the cool air on her face.
Traffic was light on the narrow highway going out of Ajo. But once she cut onto the freeway, the morning commuter traffic through Phoenix was nerve jangling. It was a relief to find the exit and head for the Cave Creek Arena, a place Tess had come to know well.
Half an hour later, in the pens behind the arena, Whirlwind was safely unloaded and enjoying a breakfast of bull chow and fresh water.
Tess pulled the empty trailer into the back parking lot, leaving it hitched to the truck. She didn’t plan to drive anywhere else until the event was over. There were security cameras above the maze of steel-railed pens, as well as an armed guard. But she wanted to stay close, keeping an eye on her precious bull.
Her gaze swept the lot as she walked back to the bull pens. In the row reserved for the larger rigs, she could see the silver trailer emblazoned with the Tolman Ranch logo—the silhouette of a bucking bull. It was longer than most because of the sleeping quarters in the front.
Brock had said he would be here. But had he traveled with the trailer? Or would he come cruising up in one of the pricy vehicles he owned? Looking for him would be a waste of time. He could be anywhere, probably meeting with business contacts. When he was ready to talk about the bull, he would know where to find her.
She was about to turn away when two men in cowboy gear climbed out of the truck cab. One of them was a man she’d glimpsed from a distance at Brock’s ranch. The other was the young blond man she’d seen earlier. Two drivers. So Brock wouldn’t have come with the truck. She made a mental note of that as she walked back to the bull pens.
Whirlwind had finished his chow and was prowling the confines of his pen, stretching, lowing, and shaking his horns. Tess leaned on a rail, studying his gait, his legs, and his body to make sure he was fit to buck. He appeared to be fine. But she found herself wishing for one of the electronic massage stimulators that many stock contractors used to warm up the bulls and treat sore muscles. The device wasn’t cheap. But any improvement in Whirlwind’s performance would be worth the money. Maybe now that Brock was her partner, she’d be justified in asking him for one. He undoubtedly used them on his own bulls. But the thought of owing him, even for such a small favor, rankled her. Somehow, she would find a way to manage it on her own.
