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CHAPTER5
Oh, how Fanny wished she could push Mr. Wellington over his chair and watch him topple to the floor. Perhaps then he would appreciate her tolerance. Fanny’s eyes widened at the wickedness of her own thoughts.Stop that, she imagined her grandmother scolding.
Mr. Wellington was sitting in a large, comfortable-looking armchair positioned beside a high-arching window in the library. He was simply sitting there. Eyes open, head facing the window. After passing the afternoon and night in her room without another word exchanged between them, Fanny had concluded the next morning that she ought to apologize to her husband. How inappropriate her manners had been. Her cheeks burned at the thought. She had allowed her boldness to claim victory over her once again. Yes, Mr. Wellington was loathsome in his own way and for his own reasons, but could she blame him?
She was standing behind a bookcase, peeking her face around the side, watching him. Early morning light cascaded through the window, bathing the room in warmth. She didn’t know why she felt the need to hide. If she was quiet enough, she could go anywhere and he would not know it.She could go push him out of his chair and he would not know it.Fanny grinned to herself. Oh, how she wished she could do it.No,she scolded herself.She had come here toapologize,notattack.
The house was silent, and Mr. Wellingtonwas silent as he sat there in the chair. Was this all he did? Was it all he looked forward to? It was certainly peculiar.
Peculiar. Fanny added that word to the list she had compiled in her head in her attempt to understand him.
Mr. Wellington’s hand moved. Fanny jumped, nearly revealing her location with the noise. She was being ridiculous. What reason did she have to be afraid of him? Heart racing still, she stepped away from her cover and walked closer to him. She moved with tentative steps, careful to keep her feet from making a sound.
When she was only a few paces away, she stopped. The words she had planned to say were all there, clawing at her throat, but she refused to let them come. Some bloom of pride was unfolding within her, preventing her from uttering any form of an apology.
He had provoked her! He had deserved everything she had done and said. So why was she here? Fanny made her breathing soft as she watched Percy. It was strange, standing so close to a person without him knowing she was there. Staring at someone, unabashedly, and receiving no response. Though her conscience told her she was trespassing on Percy’s privacy, she couldn’t help but stare at him. Study him.
His brown hair was surprisingly neat considering that he hadn’t had assistance with it. She noticed that he sat with a slight slouch, a distinct droop to his strong shoulders. But his shoulders didn’t droop because of habit or age, she supposed it was because of his own disappointment with his situation. Sorrow, perhaps.
The same broken, fragile things were reflected in his eyes, an expression of loss and pain. His eyes were blue. But they weren’t blue like hers. They were the color of the sky when the moon comes out at night—deep and dark and rich. From a distance they could be mistaken for brown. How long had he been blind? Fanny wondered where he had been, and what he had done before he had lost his sight. She wanted to know.
She leaned a few inches closer and wished that the things those eyes had once seen could be reflected back to her like a painting. But instead, Fanny saw her own reflection on the glassy surface of his eyes. Her scars were there, prominent on the side of her face. She hoped he couldn’t hear her heart beating.
“I am remarkably handsome, am I not?”
Fanny nearly leapt across the room, stifling a gasp behind her hand.
“Just how long did you plan to stand there without speaking to me?” Mr. Wellington’s voice was languid. “As pleased as I am not to have to hear your ridiculous words, I don’t enjoy being stared at.”
Fanny’s words were lodged in her throat once again. Percy must have known she was there the entire time! How dare he embarrass her like that? Her cheeks burned. She felt like a child who had been caught snitching sweets from the kitchen.
“I wish to be left alone. Why is that so difficult to understand?” he grumbled. “I do not want you to be sneaking around and watching me without making your presence known. I don’t want you sneaking around at all, in fact. I do not want you near me, especially not when I am inmylibrary. If you must stare at me, do so from a distance.”
Heat bubbled in her veins. “I was not admiring you, if that is what you think. There was a disgusting little insect on your nose and I was curious to see just how long it would stay there until you noticed. It flitted away just as you spoke.”
A whisper of a smirk touched his lips. “How long did it stay, exactly?”
Momentarily caught off guard, she blurted, “Fifty-four seconds. But when you spoke you startled the poor thing.”
“This ‘disgusting little insect’ is now a ‘poor thing’? How interesting.”
“It was only a ‘disgusting little insect’ while it was atopyourface,” Fanny retorted. “Once distanced from you it became much more endearing.”
He sighed, as if bored to death by her. “Ah. I see.”
“No, actually you cannot.”
Percy froze. His neck reddened and he gritted his teeth. “Get out.”
Heat flooded her cheeks with the shame of the insensitivity of her statement. But after a moment of hesitation, she said, “It would be my pleasure.” Then she whirled around, maintaining her composure. Her heart pounded and her hands shook. She had taken her words too far. Her throat tightened in a knot and two tears slipped down her cheeks. She turned to face him one more time. “I’m sorry. I came here to offer a sincere apology.” Her voice cracked. “I really did. Truly. But I fear it would have changed nothing.”
“Perhaps you are right,” Percy said in a firm voice. “I told my cousin I was capable of caring for myself. I don’t need you. I never wanted you here at all. And since you so clearly despise me also, it is obvious that this marriage was a mistake. But I am a man of honor, therefore I will not force you to leave. But I must insist that you refrain from your spying. You will abide by my requests. This is a large house. Now tuck yourself away in your own corner and stay away from mine. Do you understand?”
Fanny stared at him with wide eyes. Percy didn’t flinch at the harshness of his words. He didn’t falter.
Without another word, she turned and walked out of the library. She pressed her hand against her mouth to muffle her jagged breaths as she tried to contain her tears. She couldn’t let Percy hear it, or he would discover that her heart wasn’t actually as cold as his.
As soon as she was far enough that he would not hear her, she broke into a run, bounding up the staircase to the third floor and behind the door of her room. She fell on her bed, facing the ceiling, swiping tears angrily from her cheeks. Why had she obeyed her grandmother? Nothing good would come from this. Fanny would have been much happier living in the streets searching for work all alone. She was sure of it.
