AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Inessa
"No, no, no!"I whisper to myself as I rush back to my quarters. My feet screaming as I rush over the cobblestone, tripping every so often as I desperately try to make my way back to a place I know no one is watching me.
"Please, give me strength."
I pray to the lord once again for him to take these thought out of my head, but I already know I'm too late. I know that the idea of that man, Mr. Reese, touching me is already so deep inside of my head that nothing short of a lobotomy is going to get them out.
His hands felt like absolute fire on my skin, but it was a burn that I yearned for. One that told me that I was alive. The problem is now that it's gone, all I can think about is how much I want to feel it again. It's an addictive habit that I don't want to deal with right now.
"Sister Inessa? Are you okay?" Sister Ruth sees me in a panic rushing to my quarters and reaches out for me. I don't have time right now to think about her. All I can do is plaster that smile on my face and act like everything that just happened outside hadn't. What I need to do is to get somewhere behind closed doors.
"Everything is fine, Sister. I just really need to get to my room. Thank you." I give her a tight smile just for politeness’ sake, but I don't stop my motions, instead I, hopefully, dismiss any concern that she might have with a wave.
You'd think a person would be able to tell when someone didn't want to be bothered. If I'd wanted to speak with her or anyone else, I would have gone to her.
I shake off my slight annoyance when I see the outline of my door at the back of the sleeping floor. I'd always appreciated the fact that my room was towards the end of the hall mostly because it gave me the semblance of privacy now I hate it because it's taking me so much longer to get there.
I take in a dep breath and my peaked nipples rub against the fabric of my cotton bra. A strangled moan escapes my lips, and I press them together to keep from giving in to the feeling. I want to feel him on my body again. I want to feel him touching more than just my hand. I want to know what it feels like to have him inside of me.
I've never had a man before, and my body knows that I'm missing out on something vital in my life.
The last hundred feet or so, I jog toward my room. I push the door open quickly and slam it shut behind me, grabbing hold of my ivory prayer beads and falling to my knees in front of my large cross. I furiously pray through the rosary, making sure to ask god for the forgiveness that I already need just for thinking such horrible thoughts.
I'm supposed to be a woman of the cloth, a woman whose life is solely for the Lord and his works. Lusting after a strange man in the back of the convent is not what I'm supposed to be doing. Actually, it's the complete opposite of what my first vows tell me.
I get through the Rosary two times, before the sweat rolling down my temples and my neck makes my habit stick to my body. Every swipe of the fabric just fans the embers of desire deep inside of me. I keep my legs spread apart only because I don't want to feel the wetness pooling in my underwear.
I'm so needy for that man, and I don't even know what he truly wanted other than to see the father. I do my best to push him out of my mind, but the more I do, the more I realize that it just might be impossible.
I can vividly see the way his light-brown eyes lit up in the morning sun, and the way his cheeks and nose were reddened from the cold. Even though he had on a thick coat and long pants, it was as if he were standing in front of me naked. His body thick with muscles. His hair is dark and cut low, but his lips are the one feature on his face that caught me off guard the most.
It was as if he were in the middle of a smile all the time. A constant smirk on his face. I wanted to see what he looked like if he were to smile like a lover at me. Would he bless me with that look if we were to make love? Would he frown as the sweet little death of an orgasm passed over him, or would he smile wider?
"No! Stop it. Don't think about this! Please! Stop it." I prayed harder, pressing my hands together tight enough I could feel the small crucifix of the rosary biting into my skin. The prayers did nothing and every time I called on the lord the sound became more and more needy.
With one swift breath and a cry of defeat, I yank my habit up to my waist and slide out of my damp, sticky underwear fast enough I have to fight them down my legs. I gathered the fabric of my dress in one hand and my fingers rushed down to my pulsing pussy.
I swipe over the sensitive skin all of once before my back was arching off the door and I have to bite on my lip to keep from crying out. My fingers move quickly as I dip just the tip of one into the wet hole of my cunt and bring some of the juices out to rub over my clit.
The rosary, still attached to my other hand, bounces against my bare thigh as my body sway back and froth along with the rhythm of me circling and playing with my clit. I don't want this feeling to end, but lord knows I need it to be over right now. I need this release, and my fingers move fast in an effort to get it.
I feel the distant pressure of my orgasm building up inside of me, and my toes curl up in my plain black loafers. I let my head fall back against the door as the first wave of pleasure rips through my body.
"My God, forgive me." I mutter, but instead of feeling disgusted, I see the face of Mr. Reese in my mind and the orgasm intensifies until my entire body shakes. I feel the wetness of my arousal dripping from my pussy. I have to smack the hand holding my habit up against my mouth as the orgasm draws itself out of my body like a demon being exercised.
In truth, once it's over I feel much more relaxed, but it does nothing to take away the soul crushing feeling of defeat and dishonor I've brought upon myself. I came here to get away from all of these feeling, and since I've joined this order I've seen countless other men.
What is it about this one that triggered me in such a way? The shame washes over me like a blanket and now instead of a blissful release that I used to feel now all I want to do is cry.
The tears wash down my face, taking with it any thoughts of the man at the back gate. I can't let anything like this happen to me again.
Unless, of course, I want to end up like my mother and sister. I refuse to go down that path and I know little things like this, not being able to control my lust is just the first stepping stone to being exactly like them. I need to atone for my sins, but right now all I can think about is how tired I am. I hope god can wait to forgive me for just a little while longer while I do my best to erase these demons from my mind with sleep.
* * *
I wakeup to a slight knocking at the door. When I open my eyes, I see it's well into the nighttime hours.
"One moment." I say before I fix my clothing and open the door. Outside, I see Sisters Joan and Ruth with concerned looks on their faces.
