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35
“Look,I understand that he doesn’t exactly catch the ball…”
“He completely avoids it.”
“Okay, he avoids it…but still, he deserves to be in the game,” I argued, holding my hand out flat, as if my entire argument could fit there. Coach Meyers let out another one of those heavy sighs that always pissed me off. He did it a lot with the kids, and it always made my son feel like he’d done something wrong.
“Look, Ms. Black… every mother wants her kid to play, but the reality—”
“Do not patronize me, sir.” I rolled my eyes, breathing through my nose. “Every other kid has played during a game this season, except for my son. Other parents have commented on it too…if you can’t coach him, I’m going to the school board.”
I hated beingthatmom, but my poor son needed a win these days. Logan’s interest had only grown by about one percent when he heard that Cole would be playing baseball this season. It’d caught me by surprise when he decided to venture into baseball, but I wasn’t going to say a word if it made my kid happy. He needed something to make him happy.
It had been a month since I last stood in front of Ryan’s house, exposing my heart and realizing there was no use in telling him he still had it and that no other man ever would. The kids didn’t know, and if I had my way, they never would, but eventually I’d have to break it to them that we weren’t going to Brazil and we weren’t going to see him again. They’d be okay though; my kids were tough. The experience had taught me a valuable lesson about who I’d let into my life so as not to affect theirs, and one day we’d find that perfect fit for us, someone who loved us the way we deserved, someone I loved the way he deserved, and it would fit.
“You’re going to the school board because your son can’t play?” Coach Meyers said mockingly, his bushy brown eyebrows rising up toward his receding hairline. “Just because you’re dating some celebrity doesn’t mean you can just demand your kid gets to play.”
I nearly winced at his ignorant comment; he had heard the rumors swirling but had no hard facts. No one did, because no one asked. Ignoring him, I pushed forward with my agenda. “It’s unfair that you’re not playing them all equally. This is grade school, for heaven’s sake.” I waved my hand toward the field, nearly ready to pass out from how frustrated I was getting.
“You do that, Ms. Black.” Coach Meyers popped his cinnamon gum, his wide belly pushing against the hoodie he wore. I knew his wife was a sweet woman and I tried to keep my temper at a minimum knowing she might have to deal with his anger, but damn, he pissed me off. I felt like he was purposely pushing me and ignoring my son, all because he had some hang-up about Ryan?
Rolling my eyes like a preteen, I headed toward the parking lot where Shay and the kids were huddled around a cell phone.
“I can’t believe he did that!” Cole groaned with a hint of amusement. Bella hung on Shay’s arm, trying to look at the screen with her brother.
“What are you guys watching?” I asked, opening the back of the SUV to throw Cole’s gear in.
“This video of Ryan accepting some challenge where he has to sing a song from one of those princess cartoons Belle always watches,” Cole replied discontentedly, and my mood dipped even further. My chest squeezed tight at the truth sitting in my back pocket, the one I had to give them. They deserved to know Ryan was never coming back, but every time I tried to say it, the words died on my tongue.
“Cole begged me to watch it, said a kid in his class told him about it.” Shay gave me that look, the one that said the little assholes in school had made my son feel bad for being the last to know considering there were a million rumors about his mom and the movie star. Of course Shay showed him; I would have done the same.
“Thank you,” I muttered quietly as we piled into the car. I explained briefly how my conversation with the idiot coach had gone as we drove back home. Shay had carpooled with us, which was a nice change of pace for our friendship. I enjoyed getting to have her around more frequently, especially with what was going on. I had filled her in on my reunion with Ryan, after which she helped shield me from the rumors that had started regarding that interview.
Articles were popping up everywhere about Ryan’s comment of only being in love once, how Bexley Black had shown up on his doorstep, and how Ryan had run after her, begging her to take him back. If only that were true. Still the gossip mill had started, and this time, it didn’t look like there was any chance of it blowing over before Christmas.
Ryan wasn’t helping matters with how he continuously responded to the questions about me and why I had showed up. He’d recently gone on a night show with a popular comedian who brought up the interview. Ryan gave a dazzling smile while he only confirmed that I was the person he’d referred to in that interview. He’d even gone as far as to say I wastheone that got away, which was why Coach Meyers had mentioned me dating a celebrity—that and Ryan’s parents continuing to show up at every game.
No one knew the whole story or that Ryan had let me go that day and hadn’t sought me out a single time after, which only left me confused as to why he even answered the questions or bothered to bring me up at all.
“Okay you guys, you know the drill—go in and get ready for bed, Cole you’re taking your shower first.” We unloaded, the kids running toward the house while I veered toward the mailbox. Plucking my mail free, I found bills and more bills. Nothing new.
No letter…nothing from him.
I hated that I kept thinking I’d get something, hated foolishly waiting for him to show up again. I needed to stop this behavior and get my head on straight. My kids needed me to get past this and let him go.
Once and for all.
* * *
“Coach Meyers retired?”
I squinted at the rear-view mirror in astonishment as Cole nodded silently from his spot behind me. It had been a few days since the last game, when Coach Meyers surprisingly hadn’t shown up. His assistant Leslie handled the entire game, and my son, number eleven, had played for two whole innings; it was absolutely glorious.
“Tommy said he heard something last week, but I thought everyone was just guessing and no one really knew or not, but then today he was there and told us himself.”
Coach Meyers had not seemed like he was on the verge of retirement the previous week when we had our showdown. I was curious if it was his wife or maybe his health…whatever it was, I couldn’t help but feel relieved. I watched my son’s dark head in the mirror as he took a sip of his juice box. He didn’t seem to have a reaction, good or bad, to this news.
“So, any idea what they’re going to do now?” I signaled for our street and slowed to fifteen miles per hour. Ever since Cole’s bike accident, I was wary of going any faster.
