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5
I hada few different ways I could handle this situation. I could fake smile and pretend I didn’t remember him, or I could fake smile and act like I couldn’t have cared less that he was there and that I was essentially andvery seriouslythe help.
I had no time; all eyes were on me as Ryan leaned against the counter, his strong, tanned arms resting on the white surface, those fingers drumming a nervous beat. I carefully, so, so cautiously met those seafoam blue eyes and smiled. It wasn’t fake. The grin that erupted on my face was genuine when I met that gaze.
I had missed this man so much. I’d spent years trying to remember every detail, from his dimpled cheeks to the vein that popped out on his forehead when he got angry or was making love to me. I missed him, and seeing him here…it did something to my organs. Yes, all of them.
“Hey, Ry. It’s nice to see you.”
Ry? Dear Lord, why did I decide to use a nickname?
His eyes searched mine. Everyone in the room was silent, or maybe that was just in my head. Just the two of us in a tiny, silent bubble. He didn’t return my smile; his eyes didn’t light up with any excitement at seeing me. There was nothing, just utterly nothing.
“Hey…uh…Bex, don’t forget about the phone. There’s a kid waiting,” Jonah reminded me.
“Oh, right.” I stepped away from the counter and put the phone to my ear. “Cole? Yeah, it’s Mommy. I’m so sorry about that.” I started to walk away from the counter to talk in private, except there was nowhere private to go. The tiny office was currently being used by the bike rental guy making a million copies of maps. That left the upper lounge area, right outside the gym. It was often quiet, but not private. I’d have to just talk quietly.
Walking away felt better, like taking refuge from the sun on a blazing hot day. Ryan’s stare was cold and foreign, like he didn’t recognize me, but he was the one who’d said my name, not the other way around…so why had he not responded when I said hello?
“Mommy, Bella’s really sick. She’s throwing up and Dana said she doesn’t want her at her house anymore.” Cole was practically crying. I could hear the concern straining his voice. “Bell doesn’t want to be here either. She hates it here…says she misses you,” he added, his voice going too high. That part wasn’t about Bella; it was about him, but he didn’t want to admit it. My fists clenched and rage simmered at the image of my son standing there with a cell phone up to his ear, trying to keep his tears in while he asked his mother to come and get him.
I blinked, knowing I had to at least get Logan’s side of things, but I grit my teeth, ready to go grab my babies.
“Cole, put your dad on the phone, please,” I said as calmly as I could.
I heard some shuffling around while I inhaled three sharp breaths, hoping I could keep my voice low enough not to get fired.
“Bex, look…Bella is sick,” Logan started, and I snapped.
“So, why didn’tyoucall me then? Why was it left up to a seven-year-old?” I scolded him, hating the tension in my own voice. I hated this. I hated him for making me feel this way.
“Because I wasn’t going to let them go home. It’s my weekend, and I told Bella she’d feel better in the morning…but Dana mentioned a few things…” He trailed off.
“What things, Logan?” I demanded, sharp and deadly. I was going to kill this man; I’d need Shay to think of an alibi for me.
“She’s worried about Lucas. She doesn’t want him to get sick…his immune system isn’t that great and…”
“So she said she thinksyourkids should go home?” I practically shrieked, cutting him off.
“It’s her home too,” he defended.
“But they’re your kids. They belong there too…” I huffed, feeling a surge of tears threatening to fall. “Just…” I started, but then I remembered I had to shorten this call and get the hell out of there. “I’m at work, but I’ll be there in a few hours. Can you tell Bell to hang in there?”
“She’ll be fine tonight. I can meet you tomorrow.” Logan’s voice softened, and for the briefest second, I could feel that sincerity…could feel that he still cared. I could still feel the unsure shudder in his voice from when he’d asked me that question that had ended our relationship. I’d hurt him. Inadvertently, but I had. This was my fault.
“Okay, can you just…please, stay with her tonight? She likes to watch cartoons when she’s sick. She’ll pass out almost immediately, but she doesn’t like a dark room, so leave the TV—”
“Bex, I remember how we used to do it. We used to sit up with her together, in case you forgot.” Logan cut me off, gently…so soft and careful. I wondered if he was away from Dana so she wouldn’t hear him use that caressing tone with me.
I couldn’t say anything. If I let out a single word about how I remembered holding our babies together when they didn’t feel good, I’d completely lose it.
“Bex…look…” Logan continued softly. I wouldn’t look, or see, or anything, because this wasn’t happening. If he wanted to apologize for not paying child support or being a dick, then fine, he could do it in the light of day, not on the phone.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I cut in, hanging up.
My chin wobbled as a sob worked its way up my chest. This was my fault. My kids were being shuffled around like luggage because I couldn’t keep my relationship together. Because I couldn’t marry the man who’d given me children. Because I was a pathetic mess and proof of that mess was standing somewhere in the building with his famous, model-like girlfriend.
I needed to get my fucking life together and move on. Maybe this was my big wake-up call. Seeing Ryan here with Henna, having him see me like this…it was just one more train wreck I was responsible for, one more heart I had broken without meaning to.
Maybe this was my one chance to apologize to Ryan, and maybe I’d be set free from any lingering feelings I might have for him.
