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7
The warmthfrom the mug in my hand spread to my fingers, scorching and soothing my skin. I barely noticed as I watched the sun rise from the swing on my front porch. My mind wasn’t on my overly warmed skin or the fact that my coffee was too bitter. It was on the fact that I hadn’t been able to sleep the night prior. Not after seeing Ryan.
Memories swirled and danced in my head as I tossed and turned all night, remembering the smallest details about him; the ones that, after all these years, I was sure I had missed. His smile seemed different, which meant he’d probably had surgery done. Obviously, he was bigger, more perfectly toned and more obnoxiously handsome than he ever was before.
I missed his narrower frame, his simple six-pack, and those biceps that weren’t too big, just perfect for throwing footballs. Now they were massive, and he had tattoos that wrapped around his arms, winding down his forearms and wrists, down to his fingers.
I thought back to his first tattoo, the one he got with me there by his side. My memories pranced along the timeline of our lives, back to when I’d first seen him my freshman year of college, then bounced to the very last. It was the summer after our junior year of college. Ryan and I had talked about our summer plans, though argued was more accurate of a term because he needed to train and I wanted to travel. He’d just been interviewed and talked to by two teams from the PFA, but he hadn’t made his choice yet. I knew it was his one dream, but he was mine so, like a jealous girlfriend, I didn’t want to have to share him.
It wasn’t fair to him, which was why I had never voiced it during our relationship. We’d met freshman year and fallen in love after we both tried to be casual. He’d mentioned his dream to play in the PFA, but stupidly I assumed it was just a phase, thought he’d focus and learn, fall in love with me, and want a future we’d build together. Slowly, so carefully, I tried to wedge myself further into his heart, hoping to pry it out of football’s grip, all so he’d choose me and not the bright lights, the billions of fans, or the hefty contract. I wanted to be his everything. I wanted to be his chocolate ice cream, the one thing he wanted more than anything else.
It was childish. Now, looking back, I couldn’t believe I’d been so juvenile, so insecure. And when that defining moment came between us, I didn’t stick around long enough for him to choose something other than me.
It had been a decade; maybe I could finally just have an honest conversation and ask him, put it all behind us. He had moved on; I had moved on…sort of…but, we could be adults and get the closure we were both owed.
Standing, I headed inside from the porch and began to get ready to leave. Logan had texted that he’d drive the kids all the way back home because he felt bad about everything. So, now I had the morning to myself, and instead of tackling the million projects I had in my inbox or doing anything productive, I had decided to get an early spot at the local hair salon.
I needed something fresh to get me out of this funk; not wanting to date because I hadn’t done any beautification in recent months was a shit excuse not to put myself out there. I had already texted Shay and told her to set me up with someone. She’d made me swear on my children’s lives that I’d show up, but at least she’d agreed to do it.
I rarely approved of using my credit cards, but when I needed a mental shake to get myself out of a rut, I’d do it. So, after my cut, manicure, and waxing appointment, I’d hopefully be free of this strange sensation working its way through me.
* * *
“Bexley, did you see this?”Caitlin, one of my coworkers, asked, whispering while her eyes darted around the room. She’d been a little on edge this afternoon, since I had arrived around four. I thought maybe it was just the fact that there were more people visiting today than normal, but now that her eyes ran down the list in her hand, it made me wonder if it was something else.
I peered down, gently grabbing the clipboard from her. Narrowing my eyes, I read over the paper.
“It was emailed to Judy this morning,” Caitlin added while I scanned the page.
It was a contract, a non-disclosure agreement everyone in the center was required to sign.
“It’s so we don’t share any personal photos or anything we might overhear from that celebrity couple that’s staying here,” Sondra explained from her spot near the register.
“Wow…they must be big potatoes,” I mused, trying to laugh it off. I closed the packet and handed it back to Caitlin.
“You need to sign on the line in the back.” Caitlin handed it back over to me, eyeing Sondra who ducked into the back.
“I think I should have my lawyer look it over first. There are some really complicated terms in there,” I joked, pulling out a pair of latex gloves. Today, I was more than ready to clean every surface of this stupid place. I was trying to push down the nerves this stupid topic had brought up. I didn’t need to sign that paper because now that Ryan knew I worked here, he’d find every reasonnotto come back.
There were two other sports centers on the resort, so there wasn’t any real reason for him to come to this one, except that it was closest to the villa he was staying in. I couldn’t say that to Caitlin though.
“Hey, Bexley’s in!” Jonah exclaimed excitedly while setting his things down and clocking in. His young face lit up with a bright smile. He was an adorable eighteen-year-old; he’d break hearts when he left for college in a month.
“Hey Jonah.” I smiled, unsure why he was so excited about my presence.
“We’ve been dying to ask you how you know him,” Jonah said hopeful with anticipation.
Caitlin’s eyebrows drew together in confusion.
“Wait, how you know who?”
“Ryan Prince! He showed up yesterday and he called her out—by name,” Jonah explained in awe while jutting his hands out toward me. “She smiled at him and said, ‘Hey Ry, it’s nice to see you.’” His voice went up a notch as he mimicked what I’d said to Ryan. My face flushed, like I was back in high school along with these kids. My freaking coworkers.
Lord.
“OMG, you know him?” Caitlin stepped closer, gripping my forearm.
“Who knows what?” Sondra asked, returning to the front from the office. Her eyes bounced between the three of us, and suddenly she was beaming. “Is this about how Ryan Prince knows you? Oh my gosh, I have been dying to hear this!”
