Page 45 of Only Once


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The bubbles floatedand swayed as the jets ran, pushing water into my back. I resisted a moan that was creeping up my throat. My muscles were sore, and my day truly had sucked. It was probably one of the worst days of my life, in all my thirty years of living. I mean, I can’t account for when I was really little, but I was pretty sure today trumped it all.

I didn’t want to confront how much I hated this new job, or how much it made me swoon and melt that Ryan had wanted to take my kids for the day. Not just to get to me, or to see me, but because he wanted to; he genuinely wanted to be around my kids. It shredded me and completed me in all the wrong ways.

Especially when Logan didn’t even offer to take his own kids for the day, or the weekend, or anything more than what the custody arrangement dictated. Which, I understood on a certain level, but my mother’s heart wept for the fracture of his distance in the kids’ lives.

I could hear laughing and giggling out in the hall, outside the bathroom, which meant it was time to put the kids to bed—in their own beds, in our home. Not here, not in this vacation rental my ex shared with another woman.

I almost spoke and voiced that very issue to Ryan, but I could see that look in his eyes, the one that needed me to let him help me in some way, so I didn’t mention it. Besides, he’d assume I was just jealous of Henna. He’d be right, of course, but I wasn’t ready for him to see those pathetic pieces of my inner self.

Letting the water out of the tub, I stood and grabbed a fuzzy, white towel. Wrapping it around my body, I dried off and reached for the small bundle of clothes Ryan had left. Part of me assumed he’d give me some leftover clothes of Henna’s, but as I thumbed the dark material, I saw that they were Ryan’s.

I pulled the shirt over my head, the hem falling to mid-thigh on me. He’d left sweats too, but they were too big, and since I didn’t have any clean underwear, I settled on pulling up the pair of boxers he’d left, rolling them down a few times and then letting his shirt cover them.

Ryan’s scent overwhelmed me, taking me back to the last time I’d worn one of his shirts, back to the last time I’d felt that soft fabric pool around my legs, felt it press against my breasts. I used to love how riled up it would make him when I’d walk out or slip into his bed wearing nothing but one of his shirts.

I was about to exit the room while folding up my dirty clothes when I remembered my cell was tucked into the back pocket of my work slacks. Pulling it free, I found that Shay had texted a few times. I punched in a quick message back to her so she wouldn’t worry.

Hey, sorry. I’m still picking up the kids at the resort.

I felt my face flush as I considered what she must think about me still being here. Her face lit up my screen only moments later with a FaceTime call.

“Hey,” I whispered once I swiped the screen up to accept.

“Don’theyme. What the hell are you doing?” my best friend whisper-yelled. Based on the vending machines in the background, I knew she was on her break. Her hair was a frizzy mess and a granola bar was shoved in her mouth.

“Nothing. It’s a long story!” I whisper-yelled back.

“Are you wearing his shirt?!” She leaned back, her eyes going as wide as saucers. “I saw that—you winced. You totally are wearing his shirt! Omagawd!” She stuffed the bar back in her mouth.

“Stop eating while you talk to me!”

“Don’t change the subject.” She gripped the bottom half of her snack while narrowing her eyes.

“Shay…” I whined, crumpling onto the lip of the tub. “It’s the kids, and I’ve had the worst day…I just don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are you staying the night?” She took a massive bite, chewing while grabbing for some coffee.

“I don’t…”

“You hesitated.” She stopped pouring her coffee and focused on me again. “Why did you hesitate?”

I brought my free hand to my forehead. “Just…I don’t know, okay?”

She waited for a few seconds before pushing on.

“Please just promise me you’ll be careful…you are so blind when it comes to that guy.”

“I know…and I am being careful,” I promised, almost feeling relieved to have her forced permission.

“The fact that you’re wearing that shirt says differently—you know how he’s going to react when he sees you in it.”

“Shay, I had no clean clothes…it’s fine, okay,” I replied defensively.

“Okay, okay…just come over tomorrow and fill me in.”

“Will do.” I gave her a weak smile before hanging up.

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