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21
Bexley woreher bikini while we played in the lake. It was modest compared to what many women I’d been with had worn, yet there was something so classically sexy about her; she outshone each and every one of them by far. Everything about Bexley was different: her laugh, her smile, the way she moved around and loved on her kids…it was like I was falling in love all over again and there was nothing to be done to protect my heart from the fallout.
She’d never let me in, not fully. She had already openly condemned my way of living for the past ten years; getting her to trust me would be impossible, and all it would do was break my heart all over again.
“Hey, Ryan?” Cole asked from his place under a tree. We’d set him up well enough, but every so often he’d ask to take a ride in the raft or be carried into the water while I held him and his mother lifted his leg.
“Yeah bud?” I asked, walking closer so I could hear him. I turned my head toward the lake, watching as Bexley and Bella splashed and swam around, the setting sun creating a glittering shine along the calm surface.
“What’s going to happen when your vacation is over?” His eyes held a curious yet heavy judgment.
“I have to go back to work,” I replied easily, not giving in to whatever hypothetical mess was tangling together in his mind.
“But…will we ever see you again?”
Fuck, it hurt that he worried he wouldn’t.
“Of course you will… in fact, I planned to ask your mom if you’d want to stay at my house for a weekend, maybe go to the zoo.” I ruffled his hair, hating how elated the idea of having them in my home made me. I could picture it so easily: my fireplace lit up, a movie playing while Bexley curled into my side, the two kids snuggled against her. We’d be like a family.
“Just us kids…or Mom too?” Cole’s question bit into my thoughts, bringing me back to the present.
“Would it bother you if your mom came?” I moved around a few of the folded towels near his leg, trying to ignore the hiccup in my chest.
“I think it would be fun…” He paused, squinting at the sun that had invaded his little perch. “But…um…do you like my mom?”
Red flitted along his little jaw as he threw his gaze down at his lap, likely embarrassed by his bold question. How to answer this one…
I hadn’t talked to Bexley about what we were telling the kids. We hadn’t even discussed anything past kissing, touching, and coming. We were just existing and accepting the attraction we both felt toward each other…but did that mean she would want more? Mothers didn’t just let men around their kids if they weren’t mildly serious about them, right?
“Can you keep a secret?” I leaned closer, whispering conspiratorially.
Cornflower blue eyes widened and assessed me. “Yep. I won’t tell anyone.”
Our heads tilted closer as I tipped my chin and said, “I have a crush on her.”
“I knew it!” he yelled excitedly, his eyes bright.
“Has it been that obvious?” I flinched, glancing out to the lake once more, feeling my heart gallop in my chest at how otherworldly Bexley looked. She was walking toward the embankment, her tan skin glowing in the evening sun, along with her golden white hair. It almost looked like she had a halo gleaming around her.
“Not too bad, but the way you watch her sometimes reminds me of the way my daddy looks at her.” Cole’s mouth slung to the side while he considered me.
I tried not to linger on the fact that he used ‘looks’ instead of ‘looked’…I had a feeling their dad still had feelings for Bex, especially after learning how many times he’d tried to marry her. I would have been lying if I said it didn’t make me feel a million feet tall that Bex had never committed to him. Sure, they had kids together; I could understand that, but that meant it was just sex that had kept them together.
I hated that, but I could understand it, especially given my past, but the fact that she hadn’t agreed to marry him said something. It said she hadn’t been ready to settle, and if she hadn’t been ready to settle with the man who’d given her children, maybe she was waiting for someone else.
Maybe she was waiting for me?
“Do you want to toss a football around a bit with me?” I asked, trying to get my thoughts away from the direction they were headed.
“I’m not very good at it.” Cole’s shoulders slumped.
“That’s okay…you don’t need to be.” I tried to reassure him, but that sad look on his face only worsened.
“What about baseball, you want to try that?”
Cole tipped his dark head back. “You know how to play that too?”
I leaned closer. “I actually couldn’t play football when I was your age either…not very well anyway. I started with baseball.”
