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I gasped, feeling the air leave my lungs. “I was devastated.” She had held me while I cried—how could she think I wasn’t upset?
“I know you were…but I also know you better than that.” She crossed her arms, standing her ground on this one issue we never discussed.
I shook my head, not sure how to respond.
“You love your kids more than life itself and for them youtoleratedLogan, but if you hadn’t gotten pregnant, you would have left. He proposed to you three times, Bex. You turned him down every time, even when you were pregnant with Bella. Do you want to dive into why that was, or should we both agree that you were never in that relationship all the way?” Shay moved forward, one step…then two.No, because it would reveal how much I was like the bastard who sired me.
“You never got overhim…and I think it’s because you haven’t forgiven yourself for—”
“Mommy, Auntie Shay!” Bella ran in, interrupting our conversation.
Thank God.
“Hey baby! Hungry?” I bent down to hug her, flicking my eyes up to my best friend and silently warning her to drop the subject. I hadn’t ever mentioned Ryan’s name around my kids, and if not for Logan screaming his name at me during one of our fights, they wouldn’t even know he existed. Thankfully, as far as they knew after some damage control, he was just some guy I went to college with.
Cole walked in a second later, red-faced and sweaty from riding his bike.
“Come get some water, bud.” I moved around the kitchen, trying to shake off the conversation we’d just had. The thing about Shay was that shewasmy best friend and had been for eleven years. She had held me through two massive breakups, she held all my cards in her back pocket, and even when I lost sight of my own truth, she was there to remind me of it. It was why she was my person. She was my family, and I couldn’t be mad at her for being honest with me.
Once the kids were sitting and distracted, I pulled my friend away from the kitchen. “Look, you’re right. I hate being reminded of it, but you are. I don’t know how to move past him. It’s been ten years…” I shrugged pathetically. “Ten years, and still when I close my eyes and think about my future, it’s his face that I see. I don’t know why. It’s embarrassing because that ship has sailed…yet, I’m still stuck on that beach watching for him to return.”
Shay’s eyes softened, a single tear slipping free while I confessed my most shameful truth.
“Honey, maybe you aren’t supposed to leave that beach. I don’t understand it, but maybe it’s a different sailor you’re supposed to meet?” She returned my shrug, pulling me into a tight hug.
I wrapped my arms around her, wishing I could blink away the pain.
“You’re going to be late for your first day—better go get ready.” Shay laughed through a steady stream of tears. I disentangled myself from her, swiping at my face.
“You’re right, I better go get into my khakis.” I smiled, waiting for her face to draw up in disgust.
“Don’t even start about those things. It’s a sin to make you wear them.” She waved her hand around, scrunching her nose.
I laughed, heading toward my bedroom to get ready for work.
* * *
The first thingI realized when I was handed my ‘uniform’ and clocked in was that I had been lied to. Judy was a liar. I found this out when I was introduced to my new coworkers and new supervisor, all of which had just recently graduated high school.
That’s correct. My acting shift supervisor was only eighteen, and her senior picture was tacked on the bulletin board I passed to clock in that afternoon.
I had always been an easygoing person, never quick to judge, never too offendable. It was part of why Shay and I were best friends. If I had been a sensitive person who shook easily, that girl would have broken me a long damn time ago. But this…this was a lot to take in, and possibly too much.
“So, just to be clear…there’s not a specific position for customer service agent?” I eyed the counter and the line of families donning swimwear. My supervisor was ringing up a pair of water wings while I watched over her shoulder.
“Not exactly…I mean, we just help whoever needs help.” She tilted her head toward the line of people while smacking her gum.
“So…we’re just a gift shop…with a gym and a pool?” I looked around, still trying to figure out how I’d been duped into an entry-level job for which the average age of applicants was sixteen. Fucking hell, I’d known this sort of shit was likely to happen; it had to be karma for lying on my resume.
“We have tennis courts too!” Sondra perked up, letting her long hair sway over her shoulder. “Oh, and this newly renovated steam room.”
“But…uh…the customer service part?” I blanched as the line grew and a young guy, likely eighteen as well, ran toward them with his surfer hair and his still semi-acne-covered face.
“I can get you guys checked in out here,” he called toward the families.
“Just whoever needs help in general…sometimes people get frustrated if they can’t get a pool spot,” Sondra said, flipping the page over on the clipboard in her hand.
My heart sank. This wasn’t at all what Judy and I had talked about. The woman who’d hired me had left for the day right as my shift began, so I was handed two t-shirts that I was told were my standard uniform: neon pink and neon green fabric with white lettering that said “Aquatic Specialist” on the back. After I used the public bathroom to change, I was told Sondra would be training me.
