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I didn’t speak, needing him to explain more and help ease the tension gathering in my sternum.
“I can’t exactly explain why…” He trailed off, keeping his voice feather soft against my shoulder. “I felt so insanely rejected when you left me. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I could one day be a good man again, worthy of love…but I refused to even try…ever again.”
As he paused, I tried to swallow the lump of pain forming in my throat.
“It was my fault, entirely my fault. I know that now, knew it shortly after you left, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve carried this insecurity around like a second skin, since that last night I saw you.”
The night I told him I was pregnant with his child and he accused me of trying to trap him. Old defensiveness fluttered to life, the pain and agony still simmering in my veins all these years later. I deserved better than what he’d offered me, which was why I had left…but still, I regretted how I had gone about it.
“Now that I know Logan was there with you, carving out that life…it was all I’ve ever wanted with you…” He paused once more, his voice cracking. “I can’t shake this jealousy I have when it comes to him.”
“You don’t—”
Ryan rushed to quiet my objection. “I know, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel it. I’m sensitive to it. Whenever he calls or wants to talk to the kids, to you…it’s just hard for me, okay?”
I nodded my understanding as a stray tear fell down my cheek. I didn’t like that he felt it, but I understood it.
“I’m sorry I reacted like that tonight. I thought if I could just flip this switch with you, like you were…” He paused.
“One of them?” I offered, knowing full well what he had done.
“Yeah…if I could just fuck you, treat you like you were just a body then it would hurt less and I could protect myself a little easier, but then…”
“It changed?” I whispered, not confident enough to fully address what had happened between us.It was more.
“It was your hair…with everyone else, their hair was always wrong, so it made it easier, but then I looked and there you were right in front of me. It scared me…suddenly it was like I needed to own you in a way only I could, or mark you, whatever you want to call it. It was entirely different than anything I’ve ever felt with anyone before, even you, back then.”
“Me too…” I blinked away more tears.
“Can you forgive me, Bex? I won’t ever treat you like that again.” Gentle lips pressed into my skin as Ryan quietly asked for forgiveness. I turned in his arms and answered with my own.
Breaking away, I pressed my head to his chin. “Although…I didn’t hate what happened between us. Don’t ever treat your meaningless flingsbetterthan me in bed, understand me? I want that unrestrained, wild side of you. I don’t need you to be gentle with me, or sweet…I just need you, all of you, in whatever form that is.”
He responded with a soft chuckle and a tight squeeze to my ass. “You’re not fragile, huh?” he joked, moving his hand lower, the tantalizing burn of his fevered fingers blazing along my skin.
I ached for him.
“Show me exactly hownotfragile you are,” Ryan demanded in my ear as he lowered his mouth to my neck.
I smiled and did exactly as he asked, showing him that I wasn’t fragile and, more than anything, that I wasn’t going anywhere. I staked my claim on him, marking him in ways I’d never marked anyone, kissing him, loving him, and fucking him into the early hours of dawn.
