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Suddenly it hit with sickening clarity, nearly making me double over.
It washim.
Carl had given me the note. Only it wasn’t from Davis, it was fromhim.But how did he know Davis was going to be there that night, and why would he want to hurt me like that?
So I’d finally get over him, no doubt.
“Carl was never a big fan, mentioned it had to do with the past…but he never interfered or commented after our initial relationship that had started with Thomas.”
“Is he the reason you wanted to move so suddenly and go to college clear across the country?” my mother asked, whipping her head up as she finally connected one of the dots I hadn’t talked about yet.
“Yes. I was mortified by what—well, what I thought he had done to me. I was heartbroken, and I just wanted to get as far away from him as possible.”
That seemed to break my mother, as she finally stood and walked over to me and gently cradled my face in her hands.
“We made you come back, and we forced you around him.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m so sorry. You tried to fight it…you tried to warn us without telling us.”
She gave a little hiccup, and it was an invisible thread to one of the lacerations in my heart. I needed this. To hear that they loved me, that they stood on my side. Part of me worried they’d still side with him.
“Dammit, I’m sorry, honey. We caused all this mess by forcing you two together…” Dad said, shaking his head. “Crazy twist of fate, though, if you ask me.”
Crazy indeed.
My mom lowered her face, kissing the top of my head and then released me.
Dad rubbed at his chest, like he’d been doing lately. “Well, you tell us what you need—anything at all—and you have it.”
“Look, I understand that what you heard out there in the yard didn’t sound the greatest, but what I really want is for you to still be there for him. I want you to be the same support system you’ve been while I was away, and I want you to continue to allow him to support the diner.”
“But, we—”
Shaking my head, I stopped him. “Dad, promise me…please.”
They both nodded, quiet and somber.
“Just don’t leave again Rae, please. We’ll protect you, and if it’s between you or him, you know we will always choose you. Over and over again. You’re the easiest choice, sweetie. Okay?”
My dam of sobs nearly burst free, but I needed to keep them in for just a little while longer. “Thank you, and I won’t leave. This is my home. I’m not going anywhere.”
* * *
I managedto get in my car, with my packed bags. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be around my family, but I knew them too well. The first thing they’d try to do was create a civil meeting for Davis and me, where we talked through our issues in a safe space with moderators.
My parents were peacekeepers, and I loved them for it, but I didn’t want to risk being forced into that or getting a surprise visit from him.
He had made himself more than clear about how he felt about me, and seeing me wouldn’t be something he’d risk either.
Halfway down the road, I had to pull over because the crack in my chest finally overcame me, with gushing tears and an ugly cry that could rival a dying beast. I wanted to just get it over with, cry and be done with it…put my love for Davis into a small box, and tuck it into my closet, just like all the previous Davis items. But even after half an hour, the tears wouldn’t stop. It was as though the rejection from when I was eighteen never healed over, and then I poured acid into the wound.
For a brief second, that moment I had pulled over on the side of the mountain popped into my head. That serpentine river, the tall trees, the feeling of being completely undone.
I needed more of that.
I needed to get away from Macon for a while and clear my head.
Swiping at my face, and taking a few clarifying breaths, I finished the drive to Nora’s. A swarm of brown curls bounced as she ran from her door the second I pulled into her driveway. I hadn’t texted or called her, so that must have been my mother’s doing. I stepped out of the car and crumpled into her arms.
“I’m sorry, honey.” She rubbed my back in soothing circles.
