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“She doesn’t even know that I bought her a new car. It’s a Jeep, with heavy tread—thirty-fives, a roll cage, and enough protection in the snow that even if she fell down a cliff, I’m pretty sure she’d be okay.”
Gavin shifted on the lounger, his brows dipping to the center of his forehead, but he didn’t say anything.
“I was going to surprise her for Christmas. I had this whole plan,” I laughed, rubbing at my chest absently. “We’d drive it to go pick out a Christmas tree, and while we were out, I was going to ask her to marry me…”
“Fuck, man,” Gavin finally said, with a slight crack in his voice.
I realized then that the tears I was holding in had been forced out, and my best andonlyfriend was sitting here witnessing me fall the fuck apart.
“Shit.” I swiped at my face. “Doesn’t matter anymore…she’s gone.”
Gavin seemed to hesitate, adjusting in the lounger again. “What…uh—what happened?”
Groaning, I shoved my hands into my hair and leaned my head back. “Found out she was the girl…the one that used to follow me…the one in the library.”
A few seconds passed before he finally exhaled heavily. “Holy fuck.”
“Yeah, just found out last night.”
“Did she confess to stalking you in the library?”
Shaking my head, I tried to gather the small pieces of that night into order. “She said she was given a handwritten note from this piece of shit that works at her dad’s diner. I don’t know the whole story because…”
The words died on my tongue because I wasn’t sure how to explain that I hadn’t given her a chance to talk…to tell me everything. I hadn’t given her a chance for anything. I just told her to fuck off and called her pathetic.
More pain pierced my chest, making me nearly double over.
“You okay, man?”
My chest burned, my head pounded, and I felt like I was going to be sick.
“No…I…fuck, she’s gone. She’s not coming back…”
Because when I hurt people, they never did.
Gavin moved closer, putting a firm hand on my shoulder. “Man, you’re falling the fuck apart. I’m confused. If you want her, even after the past, and all the stalker shit, then just tell her that.”
“I can’t.” I barely got the words out.
“Why, what the hell happened?”
I crushed her, again…just like before. I completely crushed her and made her feel stupid for something she couldn’t control. I shamed her for liking me. I made it seem like I would have never chosen her compared to the one-night stands I had selected. The women who I never called again…the ones who could never compare to her.
What the fuck had I done?
* * *
I knewthere wasn’t much I could do in terms of damage control. I had said what I said, in a moment of rage, and ruined the best thing I ever had. I knew there was no coming back from what I had said, and how I made her feel, but I couldn’t just sit at home. I had to do something with this anger simmering under my skin.
I hadn’t slept the night prior. Just drank, looking at photos on my phone of Rae. Her smile was so wide in each and every picture. She was happy, and I looked…fuck, I looked healthy. Whole. The most complete I ever felt in my entire life. And in one moment of fury and pride, I just let it all go. So, I was after the one person I could take some of this anger out on.
I waited until I knew for sure that Roger and Millie had gone home and watched as more and more employees left through the back. Once I was sure Carl was alone, I slipped inside, but immediately realized I wasn’t the only one who'd had the idea to confront the bastard.
Thankfully I was still in the darkened space of the small hallway when Rae burst through the back door, stomping to the kitchen. Even seeing her like this, anger radiating from her in waves, made me want to reach out and touch her.
“Carl!” she yelled, her boots clicking on the floor as she caught him by surprise. I carefully moved where I could watch and stay hidden.
“String bea—”
