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Dad’s voice shuddered as he continued. “Then he just disappeared…gone. He wasn’t coming into town for anything, not parts, not food, not gas…and that worried both your mother and I, so we drove up to his house and found him drunk, staring at a black-and-white photo of his brother.”
My heart lurched, remembering that photo of his family that he had finally pulled out.
“Millie started cleaning, and we had brought him a meal, but we realized he wasn’t doing well. For a few days, we thought he’d come out of it, but it just seemed to get worse. When we’d ask what we could do, or get for him, he’d just repeat your name.”
There were so many feelings happening inside me, it all felt combustible, like any second a fuse would ignite and all of me would explode into a thousand pieces.
What did it mean that he said my name? Had he forgiven me, did he want me?
“What happened after that?”
Dad let out another heavy sigh, bringing his hand to his forehead.
“Then he started trashing his house, saying he didn’t deserve any of it. Not after what he said to you, not after what he did to his brother… Honey, your mom and I were taking shifts with him, but he got into his pickup truck and took off while your mother was dozing. We still haven’t found him.”
Oh my God.
A gasp caught in my throat. “What do you mean, you haven’t found him?”
I couldn’t lose him.
With shaking fingers, I brought my phone out and stared at our message thread from before I had blocked him. I reactivated him while on the plane, and now that I was off, a part of me hoped it would ping with a notification from him. I hoped that somehow, he would just know that I was here, ready to talk.
Unable to hear anymore, I curled into a ball against the door and shut my eyes, hoping I wasn’t too late.
* * *
We arrivedin Macon as dawn broke. The town slept, but I could see what my dad had talked about regarding the signs and the shops. Most of them were half finished. I watched as we passed store after store, but Dad kept going up, until we were on Mount Macon and pulling into Davis’s driveway.
Ourdriveway, I had to start saying that in my head because Iwasmoving back, and we were going to get through this.
A thin layer of snow covered a few patches on the ground and the pitch of the roofline, but otherwise the forest floor was just cold. I looked up to see the tendril of smoke that was always curling out of the chimney this time of morning, but it wasn’t there.
The absence felt as cold as knowing Davis wasn’t here.
As soon as we parked, I was out the door and running up the steps.
My mother opened the front door, holding a blanket around her shoulders, her face tight with worry.
“Oh honey.” She threw her arms around me, letting the blanket drop, revealing that she’d slept in her clothes. I wondered how many nights she’d done that.
“It’s okay, Mom. We’ll find him.”
I knew we would. I could feel it.
Now that I was home, I felt more at peace. Everything still smelled like him, and that alone was enough to encourage me to prepare, and more than anything, be calm.
I took my things upstairs, and went into our room, where the bed was still mussed from when Davis had slept in it. None of my things were moved from the dresser. I hadn’t moved everything in yet, but I had left a few outfits here over time. So, I showered, and then I dressed.
I cooked my parent’s breakfast, and then I started to clean.
“Rae, honey, now that you’re here, we should come up with a plan. Dad was thinking of calling in the town to help look for him.”
With the sleeves on the flannel I had stolen from Davis’s closet rolled to my elbows, I gathered the few plates and started rinsing them.
“Rae?”
Smiling up at my parents, I shut off the faucet. “No, we don’t need to do that. In fact, I actually need you both to head back home. If you want to come up here, you’re more than welcome to, but please be sure to bring all the boxes I had packed up that are in my room.”
