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“He was in and out of hospitals for a few years after that. Either his body had some sort of complication, or he needed to be checked in to a mental health facility. The accident made his depression a million times worse, and my parents blamed me entirely. I blamed me. It was my fault. I worked all the time and started going to online community college. Slept on Gavin’s couch for six months, because being home was the worst fucking feeling. Then they moved…without me. My dad sent me a text, telling me they were selling the house and to come get my stuff if I wanted to keep it. That was the last time I ever spoke to any of them.”
My throat was so tight from choking back a sob that I was nearly about to explode. I had known Davis was tortured back then…I knew he carried a burden, but I had never imagined it being this heavy.
“I slowly just turned into this massive prick that everyone hated, and I decided a while ago that I didn’t want to fight it, especially because I didn’t think I was worth saving.”
“You are,” I argued, close to his ear, still stroking his hair. “You’re worth saving, talking to, forgiving. Have you…” I wasn’t sure how to ask this, or if he’d freak out on me for it. I tried again.
“Have you tried reaching out, and they just didn’t respond, or—”
His head shaking from side to side told me enough. He’d let them go, and he never went after them. He’d nearly done the same with me, but here we were because he chased me.
“I think someday, a long time from now, you should try calling. Try telling them you love them, and just see what they say. You never know, it might be all the healing you need.”
His arms came around me tight, then he was moving me until I straddled him.
“Maybe.”
I knew he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, so I leaned forward and kissed his nose, whispering, “Thank you for telling me.”
His response was to pull my hips closer while capturing my mouth in a searing kiss. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I knew he didn’t feel worthy of anything, but this—this thing between us—it was still good.Hewas good. He was everything, and I wanted to remind him of that.
So I did.
With my mouth, with my body, I reminded him until the sun slipped behind the trees, and the stars came out with a brilliance that made my breath stall. I let him hold me, let him use me, and more than anything, let him touch a tangible love that he didn’t even know he already had. The timetable clicked for me, and I realized that while I was loving Davis, he was dealing with heartache. He’d had my love that whole time. This time, I’d be sure he knew it was me that gave it to him.
31
DAVIS
There werelittle things I lived for now that I never realized I would care about before. Like when Rae talked to the hens. I had talked to them plenty before, but hearing her talk to them was becoming an addiction. I watched as she spread feed around the pen, smiling at all the clucking birds.
“Little queens, that’s what all of you are. Don’t let anyone tell you different, and if Duke or Dove make you scared, I’ll personally buy balloons and leave them near their food bowls. They’re terrified of them, you know.”
I laughed quietly, nailing in a few boards to secure the hen house. I had a few other projects to do now that the weather was turning cold. It was another thing I’d never looked forward to before, but having Rae curled up under a blanket with me next to the fire would live at the top of my list of reasons I loved the colder weather. We’d been dating for over three weeks now, figuring out a new normal where she still went home to her parents and worked during the week, but came home with me every weekend. Sometimes, she’d still show up at my house in the evening mid-week, after helping at the diner, saying she missed me.
I loved those nights—when I wasn’t expecting her, but she’d show up anyway. I was addicted to her, and if I had my way, she’d live with me. Fuck, honestly—if I had my way, she’d be married to me.
Chills spread down my spine like it always did when I thought of how that would go. First, I would have to admit something else to her…something I’d been burning to say for weeks now. Every time I worked up the nerve, I’d just chicken out, but after that day where I spilled my life story to her, and we’d made love the rest of the afternoon, ending up in front of the fire…it just shifted something between us. It was like something clicked into place, and every day after that I had just been falling harder for her.
“You’re coming tonight, right?” Rae suddenly asked, walking up behind me to exit the pen.
Her best friend was having a dinner party, and Rae had asked me to go as her date. It wouldn’t be the first time we’d gone out, but it would be the first time we were together in a more intimate setting. I had asked if she wanted to go to Gavin’s for dinner a few weeks back, but she had some reason she couldn’t go. By going to this, I was hoping we could eventually or gradually work our way to both sides of our friendship table. Gavin was my best friend, just like Nora was hers, so I needed Rae to be okay with him.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
She gave me one of those smiles that stirred my cock and warmed my heart.
“Okay, good. You’re meeting me there since I’ll be leaving early to help her set up.”
I silently nodded, going back to my project. By the time I’d made my way upstairs, Rae was in my shower, scrubbing her hair with the shampoo I’d ordered for her. When she realized I had bought it for her, and her own mud boots for the animal pens, she’d cried. It wasn’t the reaction I was going for, but thankfully they were just happy tears.
Peeling out of my sweaty clothes, I tugged the glass door open and walked in, standing right behind her. She spun, her eyes squeezed tight as she started rinsing the soap out of her hair.
“Hi, beautiful.”
She smiled, giggling under the spray. “Hey, handsome.”
I loved showering with Rae; it was another one of those items that I was now addicted to in life: The way her dark hair looked when it was soaked, hanging down the center of her back. The way water dripped down her breasts, traveling in rivulets down her stomach, over her mound, and in between her thighs. She was mouthwatering, and every single time we showered together, I was hard as fucking stone within seconds.
